My very needy mother in-law moved away two days ago. She was a trouble maker & kept my family on pins & needles for four years. She has drained my wife both mentally & physically.
Should I be expecting my wife to start focusing in on me due to lack of hysteria or turmoil in our household?
I am a str8 up husband & daddy who wants to know what you think - HONESTLY.
2007-06-06 18:49:52 · 15 answers · asked by F H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Give her time and give her a romantic celebrate to getting your life back.
2007-06-06 18:53:10 · answer #1 · answered by Tisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should take your wife out for the night as I am sure her childhood was no party. Let her know you love and support her. It is sad but not all parents are good ones. Some people love drama. I can totally relate to the mentally and physically being drained as my mother in law is the queen. It got to the point that my husband will not see her. It's a hard situation as if you keep your distance guilt lays in and when you give in you are then sorry when the drama starts.
I don't think your wife is going to start focusing in on you I think she will be glad for the break.
2007-06-07 02:31:43 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your mother-in-law may not be as gone as you think. you say she moved away, but co-dependent, manipulative people have a way of finding their way back into your lives, just when you think their gone!!!! Keep your fingers crossed. Your wife has been used to living a certain routine for the last four years, and it may not be easy to take up where she left off. On the other hand, since a lot of free time and mental energy is now available to her again, she may just naturally find herself spending more attention on you and the family with out any conscieus effort. I don't think you have anything to worry about. You sound like a very good father and husband, your wife is extremely lucky to have someone like you....
2007-06-06 19:20:22 · answer #3 · answered by leadpipe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her have some time to focus on herself. It might take a while. Like you said your wife is mentally and physically drained. In order for her to give you 100% she's going to need to get back to a healthy state. Try very hard to understand this and give her some space as well as support. Please believe me when I say I know what your going through, I too have a mother-in-law just like you and it's no fun! It will all work out, as long as you both stick together on any issue.
2007-06-06 19:26:06 · answer #4 · answered by Miss YSL 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey man you are using the wrong word "expecting to start focusing on you". Give her a breathing space. Although you may sound relieved that your in-law is gone but always remember that she will always be part of your family coz she's her mom and 4 years is 4 years man. Don't expect. Do something yourself that will cheer her up. Smoother her with love and comfort. She needs it.
2007-06-06 19:31:49 · answer #5 · answered by jomavic 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give your wife time and loads of attention....she needs it...After those four years of trouble and you don't know how many back stabs and .....she needs time to find herself....
You still have her calls on the phone and that is a problem. If your wife realizes the difficulties that she had ....then she might be more reasonable ...but on the other hand if she is a good "daughter" then you must go even slower ....but you must be supportive and don't (in my opinion) mention the past , and her mom..... It will take loads of time , but it is you who must give your wife the support and love... good luck...
2007-06-06 19:00:30 · answer #6 · answered by frieda l 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing you mean she (your wife) has not been paying enough attention to you, and now you feel it's high time she did? That would be nice for sure, but I would let her catch her breath and sanity before putting any emotional demands on her - give it at least a week or two, then surprise her with a weekend away for just you two - THEN you can BOTH focus on EACH OTHER!
2007-06-06 19:00:11 · answer #7 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let your wife have time to readjust to the new situation. She has been caught in that trap for 4 years. People do not change in a couple of days, what has happened to them over a period of 4 years. Just give her time, and I am sure you will see the relationship begin to improve shortly.
2007-06-06 18:55:23 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd give your wife time to readjust. This was or is her mother and daughters tend to be close to them despite how they were treated. Hopefully she will be able to refocus on her family now that her mother is gone. Are you SURE that she is gone? Your wife might go through a kind of grieving process. I know it doesn't sound rational but parent child relationships are complicated. I'd be very open to anything that she might want to talk about with out being judgemental about her feelings. She might have alot of healing to do now. Keep the lines of communication open and let her know that she is safe opening up to you. Good Luck.
2007-06-06 18:58:51 · answer #9 · answered by Praire Crone 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should give your wife a little time just to focus on herself. If she's been giving her all to her mother, your kids, etc, you may feel you're last on the list, but let her focus on herself, even encourage her to do some things she's been wanting to do. Once she finds herself again, she'll give you more of herself.
2007-06-06 19:34:31 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should expect the focus to be mutual....
Giving to one another is something couples do in a Marriage.....support one another and WOW to the change
you both will have!
Thinking of the smiles, less conflict and more time for
one another.
Roll with it....enjoy life!
best wishes
2007-06-06 19:56:21 · answer #11 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋