I've NEVER done this, but I'm not sure what to do. My son is 13 and my daughter is 12. She was playing around with my 8 yr. old son and ACCIDENTLY kicked my 13 yr. old while he was sitting on the floor. It was not hard, not intentional at all, he even told me it didn't even hurt him. He stood up and pushed his sister and she fell into the entertainment center and cut herself. These two bicker constantly over every little thing and it's escalated to this point. My son is going through puberty like crazy. He is extremely tall for his age (5"11), and people constantly mistake him for 18 because he has a slightly visible mustache. He wrestles and lifts weights and is usually pretty well behaved until it comes to his sister.
What bothers me the most about this is the way I reacted. I started yelling and pushing him. I know damned well that was the wrong thing to do, but at the time I wasn't thinking. I love my kids, but this really makes me feel like a terrible mom. (I'm a single parent)
2007-06-06 18:12:27 · 12 answers · asked by tiosharaveen 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your reacted out of anger, which was only natural, and you recognize that you might have gone overboard. This doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human. Now that the situation has cooled off, sit down with both of them and explain that you're sorry for the way you acted, but that you're concerned about the hostility between them and you want the three of you to come up with a solution together. Ask each of them in turn what they can do to stop this. Try to get a direct negotiation underway, but referee to keep things from taking an accusatory turn.
I went through this same phase with my two sons as teenagers (they're now 26 and 23 and good friends). When they were little and would get into a fight, I used to make them each sit on separate chairs in the same room and they couldn't get up until they had resolved their problem. Then I would leave the room, but lurk around the corner and listen. Usually things would start off with angry name-calling, but after a few minutes they got tired of that and started to work out their differences. We kept that up until as they got older they just naturally started to negotiate deals with each other instead of fighting.
This approach has also helped them in adult life. My younger son particularly has become a master negotiator, and my older son even intervened with several of his friends while in high school to help them work out differences. This kind of feeling is empowering for kids because they feel more confident in their own ability to handle life's tough situations. Plus it takes you out of the middle of their fights and makes physical confrontations less likely. I urge you to try it. Good luck!
2007-06-06 18:34:13 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear troubled mom ,
I know exactly what you are talking about I have a 15 year old and a 14 year old that went through that stage already but believe me it gets better my teenagers were always pushing ,punching, and calling each other names, then when one turned 13 and the oldest one 14 it stopped, I mean it completely stopped. A lot of churches that have support groups for parents of teenager, and they help you to get through all the stages they go through .I too lost my temper and the only thing that I recommend is that you wait and cool off before you start to say things that we sometimes say when we just about had it. And last but certainly not least talk to the creator of all things (GOD) he also left us with the manual on how to raise our children, and every kind of trouble imaginable that we might encounter in this life, it's called (the Bible), I hope that you can find some comfort in these words, hang in there and know that HIS in control.
2007-06-06 18:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by Brenda V 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've got 2 boys 13 and 11 they continually bicker and punch and kick, and no i don't think you went over the top. There's a subtle lesson to be learnt about hitting girls, if I'd got a girl I'd have given him more than a push.
I'm not saying this is a fine example however, having never laid a finger on my sister, i was 15 she 12, she picked an argument with me over something trivial, i walked away and she took out all my T.REX singles and proceeded to scratch them, i grabbed them off her rather roughly I'll agree, she then stuck the knife she'd been using in my back, so i turned and slapped her hard. result was. 5 stitches in the wound and a good hiding for hitting a girl, what she did was irrelevant.
2007-06-06 18:21:57 · answer #3 · answered by andyjh_uk 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you are not a terrible mom! I am sure you are doing a wonderful job. I, too, am a single mom (13, 10, 8). It is easy to get frustrated. Have you gone back to sit down and have a chat with him?
Maybe there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed if your son is otherwise not aggravated. Has he seen male to female violence in the past? Maybe his sister knows how to push the right buttons. Siblings fighting... well, it is nothing new! I notice that my 3 get testy when they are tired. Good luck!
2007-06-06 18:21:48 · answer #4 · answered by Mizzshutterbug 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you're not a terrible parent, you are perfectly normal & human. Kids are great at pushing the right buttons to get you to 'lose it', if you let them. I had 3 going through this at the same time. My daughter (now 28) and twin boys (now 26) fought like cat & dogs at times & were horrible to me and their dad. A loud shout of "family meeting" stopped them and we then sat down together for one of my 'lectures' about the family and what it means. Each time I reminded them that friends/lovers would come and go but the one constant in their lives would always be their brother/sister. Always seemed to work (until the next time and the next "family meeting"). They now love each other to bits and are very close to each other and to us. Thankfully, puberty/teenage does not last forever and when these years are over, oh the bliss!!!.
So, do not feel guilty if you lose your temper now and again, it's what you do next that matters. Give them the 'lecture' and tell them that you love them no matter what and things will come right in time.
Good luck.
2007-06-06 22:43:24 · answer #5 · answered by darkstar260980 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not a terrible parent because you lost your temper! I have a 14 year old boy, and good grief, if losing your temper makes you a terrible parent, Child Protective Services would have taken him away last year, when he was 13. Teens, especially young teens, can push your buttons. My strategy for this year has been to try to stay calm, count to ten and say, "Belly Button". No kidding, it really helps to count to ten, it lets you calm down a little and the words, "belly button" make me laugh. You can substitute any funny words you want. The key is the count to ten part. I would add, don't expect yourself to be the perfect parent all the time. You're only human.
2007-06-06 19:26:37 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok so you lost it. Now dust yourself off and get back to the problem. It is the lack of respect and everyone communication skill that everyone needs help in. See a counselor or go as a group to your church pastor and see if he knows of someone who can start your family talking to each other instead of getting physical. Just because he is big doesn't give him the right, or his little sister who does something when you are not watching. There are always two sides to each story. Of course you need to be the rock that they build on. So make sure you don't get emotional on anyone, I know this is hard on a single parent. So start getting out more with other single parents and see how they handle their problems. Even home with two parents have these same problems. Now choose your road you are going to travel on and get moving.
2007-06-06 18:22:41 · answer #7 · answered by freesample1 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I'm breaking your parent only rule but I have the reverse perspective so I figure I can contribute (I'm the son of a parent of a teenager (aka teenager)), my parents have lost it a couple times in the past and it damaged our relationship for a few days sometimes but then it goes back to normal, we understand we love each other enough to get over it fast. Doesn't make you a terrible parent although it is certainly something to avoid.
2007-06-06 18:18:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not a terrible mom, you're human, and we all make mistakes. It sounds like you're under alot of stress, or you're not handling it well. If you can remember, think back to what you were doing just before the conflict. I bet it was something stressful, and the incident with the kids just put the icing on the cake. You're gonna be okay, just take a breath, count to 20, and learn to manage that stress!!
2007-06-06 18:22:58 · answer #9 · answered by mysticprincess74 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time to get some counseling for your family. Any time it comes to that, there is a need for some serious mediation. Don't feel bad, however, teenagers will drive you up a wall if you let them. They make all of us feel like we don't know what we are doing. Fortunately it only last for a few long years! lol
2007-06-06 18:43:47 · answer #10 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋