my aunt is a druggie?

Question

ok, my aunt is a druggie, an alcoholic, and she's now living on the streets...should i move down (she lives 4 states away!) to help her out, or should i stay here with my family...? i love them both so much!!!

Answer 1

You could go down there and try to help your aunt access some social services. However, if she is abusing drugs and alcohol, should could be very resistant to the idea. If you move down there, what do you honestly think you can do to change her situation? She is a grown woman who has made her decisions. If you go down there, there's a really good chance that she could end up dragging you down instead of the other way around.

As much as you love someone, you can't change them unless they are willing. You will just end up constantly butting heads with her. If she says she is ready for help, go visit her and advocate for her to get some services (like drug rehab, housing assistance, etc.) Stay with your family though; you can love your aunt, but you can't cure her.

Answer 2

Could you even find her 'on the streets' where she is living?

How are you sure she's on the streets? Word of mouth by another family member or direct contact from her?

If you've had the direct contact, you're ahead of the game... she'll probably want to see you, therefore you'll be able to find her. If it's word of mouth, she won't be found.

Taking those questions into consideration... can you afford to put her in re-hab? If she lives in FL, you can get her "Baker Act-ed" (they get put into a hospital for 72 hours to dry out), but then they have to agree to stay.

How old is she, how old are you? Is anyone else in your (and her) family concerned? Are they willing to help with this situation?

Been there, done that... sometimes you just have to let the relative go. Grieve for them and move on.

Answer 3

It is hard to determine if it is a vice gone into addiction or its a result of a medical/mental health issue

Many people who have a chemical imbalance. etc start to "self medicate" if not treated. They can turn to smoking, constantly needing caffeine or turn to drugs (depending on severity and the person).

I suggest not moving at this point, but going down there for a visit. She needs an intervention and you may need more family to come with you.

Please get her to a doctor and express your concerns if she will go or if not is of sound mind for her health you may have to just put her in the car and take her.

Many times in rehab, the addiction is treated but if they do have a deeper problem that they are more powerless to get out of than merely a self esteem issue or a bad pattern they are in (which is severe enough on its own) they often aren't there long enough to get the help.

Answer 4

I would not try to go down to help her. She will end up just getting money from you and use you. WHen a person is in active addiction, they are not truly like the person you know. If you can, you can encourage her to go to rehab (there are ones that street people can go to). But until she is ready, there is not much anyone can do.

Just be reassured that many people do get sober each day and stay that way. They turn their lives around.

You might want to try an Al-anon meeting to to help you meet others who are living with an active addict in their family.

Answer 5

Sad to say it, but you probably CAN'T help your aunt. Drug and alcohol addiction is as bad as it gets and unless SHE wants to stop, there is nothing you can do -- trust me, I know.

If this is upsetting you a lot (and how could it not?) you might try joining Al Anon -- a support group for the families of alcoholics.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I'm sad for you, been there....
You can't help... yet. Drug addicts and alcoholics can only help themselves, they can't do it for you, it won't work. they have to decide to do it for themselves. So don't try to reason w/ her or use logic, SHE IS NOT HERSELF, SHE IS USING MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES, YOU CAN'T REASON W/ SOMEONE WHO IS NOT OF SOUND MIND. I learned it the hard way. You can have all the love and good intention in the world, but if she isn't ready to be clean,she's not ready and you will only exhaust yourself. She'll lie and manipulate and bring you down. The fact that she is living on the streets is not good, I would assume she lost her job, house/ apartment, car etc. She lost it all because she wasn't paying her bills, she was buying alcohol and drugs. If you go down there she will spend your money and steal your things to pay for her addictions. The best time to help her is once she decides to go get help on her own. Then support her, help her w/things, be there for her. The statistics for an addicts recovery are not optimistic, but I believe it's because when they get out of a recovery program they have no support system, because they have burned too many bridges and have truly worn out their loved ones. So they resort back to the place and people who were there for them (other addicts). Addicts don't hang out w/ people who aren't addicts, they need each other. Friends and family kill themselves trying to help, pouring time, money, and a lot of energy into an addict, and it's basically not worth it... be there when she really needs it, Because she doesn't need you when she is on drugs, she need drugs and money. The best you could do is gather up people and find a professional to possibly help w/ an intervention.
I've known a few drug addicts in my life... the story is always the same. I had to walk out on my best friend of 28 years, I had known her since i was 2! She met an addict and she"loved" him and she was going to help him. I saw the signs she was using, tried to help her, but she denied it, and I knew I couldn't have that in my life. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I walked a way. I ALWAYS wanted to go back to her, but I knew it was useless. 3 years later she lost her nice home, 2 cars, her good job, all her savings, she lost it all (including money she had borrowed from her family to buy drugs), to live an abandoned house w/ no water, electricity, or heat in a horrible part of the city. Her boyfriend was arrested, and she continued w/ the drugs, until she decided on her own to get help. her relationship w/ her family is severely damaged. I wrote her after she was in for 2 weeks offering my support, she was bitter at first. but then she came around. she did a 6 month program and then moved 5 hours away (it's been shown to be better if recovering addicts don't stay in the same area) our relationship is not what it once was, it never will be, but as long as she is clean, I'm there for her. Not a lot of others are.... they are fed up, but I walked a way from the beginning while they stayed and tried to reason w/ her. Good luck... Its a hard choice and a very heavy burden. Whatever you decide take care of yourself and be very careful. I don't know where you live, but do research on "Narconon and Alanon" Every town has them. They offer support for family and friends of addicts and alcoholics. They can help you.

try these links:

www.narconon.org

www.al-anon.alateen.org

Answer 7

It is so painful to see a member of your family suffer from this disease. My advise is to check with your family and together decide if you all want to do an intervention.

A group of your family members go with you and bring with you, a friend or a professional, that knows about addictions, and how to attract her into a treatment program.

I would also advise you to get help with a counselor/therapist, and/or go to Al-anon or Al-ateen, because it appears that this situation is affecting you a lot.

Definitely, you should not move with your aunt. This is not going to help either one of you.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry for you and your family. This is a really hard thing to deal with. I think Alanon or Alateen would probably be a really logical place for you to be. She needs to get some professional help; you living nearby and letting her crash on your couch will only enable her.

Good luck. I'm sorry to hear about your difficult sitution...

Answer 9

Get her help from where you are.. Its a hard process ( I´m sure) but you may not want to leave your house right away.. if you don´t find help via telephone or email, then it would be a good idea idea to pay her a visit.. But move your life away to a new place.. Not yet...

Good Luck..

Bcn_mimosa

Answer 10

If you have your own partner and kids to take care of - stay put. Sad story but your Aunt needs to help herself before anyone else can help her.
She needs to be able to make that decision first.