Why So Mean?

Question

I keep asking questions about my wedding on here. Yet, people keep calling me a snob. Yes, I'm spending $25,000 on my wedding, but I can afford it. Why does that make me a bad person. I want my wedding to be perfect, but not for me. I want it to be perfect for my guests and for our families. I want everyone that is celebrating with us to be happy. I want my guests to have a warm, friendly and inviting atmosphere. Is there anything wrong with that.

I asked about getting my bridal party gift certificates to tanning. They all love to tan. I got called vain. But, why? All I wanted to do was give my bridal party something nice, that they may not be able to afford otherwise. Their expenses are enough, so I offer to foot the bill for something. I can called a snot.

I asked if I could arrange someone to pick up my 4 year old nephew at the wedding reception, so my new BIL (best man) and SIL could stay to the end. I was told I can't tell people how to raise their kids

Why are people so mean. They tell me to grow up. I think I'm being pretty reasonable. I'm not be a bridezilla, I'm working within my affordable budget. But, people are making me out to be a snot.

How can people go around insult people and situations they don't know.

I spend $17,000 on my reception and I get called excessive, but that's what happens where i live. That's going rate for open bar and a sit down dinner with an app course, entree and wedding cake.

Why can't people understand and respect that? Are they jealous or do they just not realize that people throughout the country live differently? I would never disrespect someone for having a small, low budget wedding, so why the backlash?

Answer 1

I can't answer all of the above, but I do know that the NATIONAL AVERAGE for a wedding is $25,000. So you are right in line with that. Mine will be less, but I can afford less and am having it in my hometown where the cost of living is a lot less...

Answer 2

I wouldn't care if you spent $100,000 on your wedding. It's your money and you can do that if you want and that doesn't make you a snob. The tanning certificates for the bridal party are a great idea and as far as your nephew...I would have someone standing by that can take care of him IF he gets out of control or too loud but only then. Most of the time the children in a wedding don't do what you want them to do but it adds to the beautiful ceremony if their behavior is not disruptive. I was worried about my niece and how she was going to act at an older niece's wedding as the flower girl. She did a great job spreading the flower petals up the aisle and after she got up there she decided she wanted to do it again and again. It was precious and made a really wonderful picture. So have someone standing by but see how it goes first. Don't pay attention to the people on here that bad mouth you. Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful wedding day!

Answer 3

Yes, I remember your question about the tanning certificates. People say all sorts of things on this Y/A.
If you are defensive, and this wedding is so much a part of you, try to get some advice close to home, in a place where your wedding is an normal as everyone else's. Some towns are much more chic than others, and the answers you were receiving are from the ends of town you don't want to go to.
Try asking someone familiar with your area, and the specifics will be as normal as a day at the spa. A good place to maybe take this discussion, and make some friends, and feel good about your wedding. No one wishes you bad, they don't live like you.
You will probably have a great time within your own community, and know you are loved and accepted in this important event in your life. Take your anxieties to spa, and treat yourself.

Answer 4

I think it's great that you are thinking of your guests and wedding party. Most brides only think of themselves, I know I'm an event planner.
If your bridal party likes to tan then get them tanning certificates. Or ask them what they would like. I think it's better to ask then get them something they will think is stupid or unuseable.
I had a bride hire a babysitter to sit with all kids under the age of in a hotel room. Kids don't understand what's going on and they get tired. A four year old will sooner then any one will expected and then if he starts crying they will say "Why are the kids at a wedding?". So if your reception is at a hotel try that. They would rather watch a movie then you guys eating and dancing.
Don't worry about what the yucky people say. I think some of them do it just to do it.
It's your day do what you want.
It you have any other questions please feel free to contact me. I have lots of answers or it I dont' we can find it together.

staceysparksevents.com

Stacey Sparks

Have a great celebration.

Answer 5

I wouldn't put to much effort into worrying over whether or not someone on here calls you a snob or tells you your event is excessive. It's none of their business! I'm sure they would say my event was excessive too, with over 25 people in the wedding party and over 300-400 guests in attendance, but it was the wedding my husband and I planned and it was a wedding that fit our lifestyle and our families names. I still don't know how much my wedding cost my parents, I know we had a budget set at $25,000, but we passed that 6 months before the wedding even got here! So, I've chosen not to ask how much it ended up being! It was great and that's all that mattered! Had I gone over what my parents could afford, they would have let me know! But I'm the last daughter to get married, and I married into another prominent family in our area, so it was expected!
I had people tell me it was crazy in the beginning, but those same people enjoyed the he*l out of the wedding when it finally got here!

In all honesty, your wedding doesn't sound that different from the average wedding cost! Trust me, I worked through college as an events/wedding coordinator at a country club, and still do this one the side for friends and family! And all I have ever told anyone is this: Have the wedding you can afford and teh wedding that fits your lifestyle!
No one expects to see a bunch of overall wearing rednecks in black tie at a country club, so have the wedding that fits yourself and your guests!
But if someone who is prominent or what have you, has a wedding that is somewhat less than extravegant (for lack of better words), then peoples's heads will turn just the same as if a wedding is above someones means!

And as for arranging for someone to pick up your nephew, that's very considerate and I think more people would appreciate that type of planning from a bride! I would NEVER be offended if someone offered that service to me. Just know that they could always turn it down, but I doubt it! I had a childrens area set up with my teenage cousins over in the area to watch them! What's the difference! It's all done in a effort to help your guests better enjoy your event!
And for the tanning, that isn't vain if it's something your girls already enjoy doing! It's not like your giving it to someone who is pasty white and oppsed to tanning and hoping that they will take the hint!
Anyway, I hope this helped ease your mind! There is nothing wrong with anything that you are doing! It's about you and your fiance anyway, not about anyone on here! Don't let them bother you! Good luck, congrats, and enjoy your day!..

Also, if this wedding is being done to impress people, then hey that's your right too! Everyone keeps saying have it how you want it and don't care what other people think, BUT they obviously don't live in the real world! Life is in many ways about what other people think, and it's your right to do this how you want! If you want it to be extravegant and to be the talk of the town for the next year, then go for it, if you can afford it! Who cares what the people on here say, do this how you want it! Impress everyone around, and impress yourself and your fiance! Hell, my wedding was all about a show for other people, but that's how my husband's family is! And I enjoyed hearing everyone talk about how extravegant it was! A bit erogant, but no one can say that they don;t like compliments!

Answer 6

People are mean, fact of life, and a lot of it boils down to jealousy as well. Believe me if I could afford to spend that much then I would!! The average spend on a wedding in the UK is £15000. The best thing to do is not get uptight, really and truly, this is YOUR day and so honestly don't worry about what others think. That's human nature for you, you can never please everyone, so as long as YOU know you can afford it then that's all that matters. The thing about places like this is that you have to accept all sorts of opinions and answers, in the end none of us are coming to your wedding, so does it really matter what some mean people think or say? Best of luck and calm down, there is enough stress surrounding a wedding and in my humble opinion if you can afford to treat your bridesmaid to something they would enjoy then go ahead and do it, they are the ones that will be grateful so it does not matter what a bunch of strangers thinks.

Answer 7

I have not answered your other questions, but from my perspective, $25,000 is a down payment on a house. My wedding cost about a fifth of that, because that's what we wanted. If the wedding you are planning is the wedding YOU want (not the wedding that you think everyone else expects you to have), then other people need to back off and leave you alone. In general, you have to understand that when you ask questions in a forum like this, you are going to get some people who agree and some who disagree with what you are doing. Don't let it bother you that other people don't agree with you, just recognize that not every person who answers your questions will tell you what you want to hear.

Answer 8

Just FYI, don't worry about what your guests think, do what YOU want. Honestly, your guests aren't going to remember all the details, you will. Make it something special to you, no matter what the costs.
One of the best weddings I went to and honestly the only wedding I remember, there wasn't any decorations, no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no music. Nothing but the bride, groom and their vows on a back porch. There was something meaningful about it. So make it special to you and your fiance and it will be special to your guests.
I read your previous posts but didn't comment. I agree with you on the kiddo's. Weddings are boring for kids, it's too long to keep them entertained. Maybe you can find a neighborhood teenager to be at the wedding to watch the kids in a different room.

Answer 9

I can't believe that people would be mean over 25,000. Its not their's to spend!!! That is actually a very very reasonable amount. My wedding, well I haven't totaled it up and I'm afraid to. So my dad won't tell me just for that reason. I think the tanning certs are a great idea! I 'm doing a pedicure for my girls, thats ten girls!! Weddings do cost money and when your willing to help with the extra cost for your guests, that just shows how much you care about them and want them to be there. I think you sound selfless instead of selfish. Keep doing your thing, its YOUR day!

Answer 10

I don't think it makes you a snob, but I don't think that it's a great stuwardship of money either. I think you can make a great wedding without money. Most people can afford a $25,000 wedding. I'm not telling you how to spend your money, but I can understand why some people who are just trying to make a living would look down upon someone who can afford to throw a $25,000 wedding, more than some make a year, spent in 3 days.

Answer 11

Hey it's your wedding & you got the money, so do what YOU want! I would love to be on the receiving end of a tanning gift certificate. And in my culture (which is Armenian) people whether family or friends, they talk, so you kinda have to make them happy too! So I think you're on the right track. Whatever makes YOU happy! You from Southern California by chance? Cause I'm a So Cal girl myself. O=)