Spanking vs time outs?

Question

ok so since around the 80's spanking died out, now some people beleive that spankings breed violent criminals and time outs are the best method...what do you think is going happen in the next 50 years? I really think psychologists are going to come up with something like " giving a child time outs can lead them to a mental institute and having other psycholigical problems after spending so much time staring at a wall or taking away some things will make the child too possesive and selfish in the future

I'm not isnulting anti spankers and i'm not aplauding pro spankers, and please no pro or anti spanking psychobabble

one more thing spankins can make a child a criminal and so can time outs, it just depends on the child and what punishment s/he responds to best

Answer 1

Hi newbie hockey fan,

I would like to know how many of these psychologists are actually parents and directly involved in raising children.

It's one thing to make a broad/general statement, it's quite another to experience the joy and challenge of raising a child.

If you are raising a child, you know it takes a combination of things to establish and foster discipline. Spankings do not work on every child. Taking away a favorite toy, or using timeout is more effective with some. It's a parents' role to determine which punishment works best and be consistent.

Answer 2

People tend to forget, that like anything else there is a right and wrong way to do things. A lot of parents won't do anything to their children untill they are so fed up that they lash out. All that teaches the child is that s/he can do whatever they want until mom/dad hits that breaking point. And on top of that, that it is okay to hit when you're mad. The parent is the adult and should act like one- be calm when dealing with your child. Consistancy- whether you spank or not- is the key. I think a spanking as punishment is very effective. But there are other methods for training issues, not behavioral issues. I've said it before too- you've got to have your child realize that s/he CHOSE to act in a certain way, and that the punishment that follows is because of their chosen behavior. Once they really put together the two, there will be a huge change/training process. They have to know you are boss and serious about what you say. And the whole 'chances' thing is crazy, your children should obey the first time you tell them something!! (ideally, obviously this will never be the case 100% of the time)
Case and Point- We were in the store one day, a boy about 8 yrs.old was with a friend of his walking in front of his mom. He started playing with a toy and she told him to put it up. He wouldn't. She pleaded with him for a good minute or two, then she started counting. At '2' he put the toy down, turned to his friend and said 'I always stop at 2'.

Answer 3

1- never; what's the point? If you have an overall-effective plan of discipline, other consequences work better. Spanking is one of the least effective, proven in study after study. There are many other consequences you could employ in leiu of spanking, such as loss of priviledges, extra work or writing lines. If, however, you don't have an overall-effective plan of discipline, spanking won't do anything on it's own and children quickly become desensitized to it. 2- time outs are good for a cooling down period. They're not really a consequence as much as an opportunity to re-direct. A consequence would come if the time out didn't work. A good rule of thumb is 1 minute per year of age of the child. So a 7 year old will get 7 minutes. I honestly fail to see why you're being so limited.

Answer 4

I am not for spanking right now becuase my child is only 2 but i am not ruling it out of the disipline booK. growing up i was spanked well beat alot and i turned out fine i think. I am in the military as well as my husband i have 1 child and another on the way. The only thing i can thank my fther for is the way he inforsed rules at home granted i will not use the same methods he used but i am a better person and will raise my child to be a better person. I think it should be up to the parent, and if the child will know what a spakin is. If you spank a child that does't under stand they will think you are just hitting them and then that could turn into them thinking hitting is okay

I believe if you raise them right from the beggining there will be less room for spanking and more room for teaching.

Answer 5

Do you really think that it's the decline in spanking (is there actually a decline? are their any stats on that?) that's causing an increase in badly behaved children (and I'd like to see stats on that, too)?

Or, could it be that - if people *are* spanking less, they are also parenting less, too? Spanking, timeouts, taking away toys - none of those really *teaches* a child anything about proper behavior, about why some things are right and some things are wrong.

What does work (or what works for my family, anyway) is a combination of:
- Good attachment/bonding, which creates a child who wants to earn your respect and who trusts you as a teacher.
- Logical consequences.
- Treating the child with respect as an individual (while maintaining your final authority as an experienced elder).

It just makes sense. A parent is there to *teach* their child lessons about life, lessons they can build on and apply to new situations in their lives.

It takes time & patience, though.

Answer 6

Honey I have worked in the school system for 22 years and I have seen such a decline in child behavior since spankings are a taboo in society anymore. Don't get me wrong there is a difference in spankings and beatings. I grew up in Tennessee where respect was something you were born with. It we got a spanking at school we also got one at home. You can see by the way the world is getting so bad that these time outs don't work. When I first started to work for the schools it was hard for me to make the children mind because above all things I wanted them to love me. Then I realized that they loved me more if I got on to them. I call myself their School Mama. I tell them if I'm 95 and in a wheel chair and they are 50 if I see them do something wrong I will tell them. ha A good old fashioned swat on the butt has probably kept a lot of people out of prison.

Answer 7

Both spanking and time outs are good forms of punishment. I have used both when disciplining my children. Personally, I didn't appreciate it when I as told I could go to jail if I spanked my children. I recall back then when my son said "You can't hit me. I'll tell and you'll get in trouble." I handed my son the phone and said, "I'll pack your bags while you call. If you think it's so bad here, you go right ahead and see what it's like somewhere else." He never threatened me again!
I figure that a lot of the problems with kids these days is due the fact that they took disciplining rights away from our teachers and made parents scared to whack their kids. They gave way too much power to the kids!!
Let the punishment fit the crime. If you need to give them a whack, give them a whack. If they need a time out, give them a time out.
A little truthful humor to end with. My husband had gone up and gave our son a crack for something and, of course, he started crying. My husband said (and I've said it too), "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you another one!" Well, they are crying cuz you smacked them and it probably hurt!!! If you don't want to listen to them cry, don't smack them! Lol.

Answer 8

Personally I use everything. Usually for us a time out always comes before a spanking. Like you I don't think spanking or not spanking (using only time outs) will make anyone a criminal. For a parent to make someone into a criminal, it takes much more then a spanking. Usually it's due to major neglect, abuse (physical, mental, sexual).
Also I am sure there are cases of a perfect upbringing, by great parents (non spanking, or spanking) where the kids just go the wrong direction. I say, LOVE YOUR CHILDREN, follow your heart, you can't go wrong.

Answer 9

I was spanked as a chld, with a belt even! ans I am a very happy healthy woman and I am not scarred for life or anything. I have respect for my authorities. I spank my kids and I use time outs on them depending on which works better at the time / for the violation...

My husband was spanked too, and he's just fine - unless he's not telling me something...but I'd think I'd notice after 7.5 years with him, and longer knowing him.........

I think a LACK of discipline is what the problem is with todays kids and teenagers.... but not spanking or timeouts, more like a lack of authority from adults or something.... can't explain what I mean......

Answer 10

I am not fully against spanking i just don't use it, my kids don't need it. i don't do time outs either and the great miracle is they are very well behaved without allot of pressure and punishments.
i guess allot children are difficult today ,because they are spoiled with unnecessary things like a own PC and TV , and stupid stuff like designer fashion, they are watching too much TV. They are simply antisocial .Maybe a good spanking will bring them back on earth ore maybe a good book ore a visit at the boy ore girl scouts program will help them better. that's a free choise in a just free country.