I thought that the bride pays for the hair, alterations, and brides maid dresses... I'm not made of money and it's not like I can dish out 300 dollars for a dress I will wear once and hair that will be messed up in hours and not to mention shoes... idk what to do. Has this always been so? Or is this something weird or new to have your friends dish out this much money. I thought the family of the couple should be handling this. I don't know what to do. I've clarified this is a lot of money for me especially cause I'm saving up for a car, car insurance, and moving out of my house into an apartment. I'm 19 btw.
Advice?
2007-06-06 13:08:32 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It's a ridiculous tradition but that's how it works. I've had to do the same. What was your friends reaction when you clarified for her that it is a lot of money.If you really can't afford it be very upfront with your friend and let her know well in advance so she can find someone else or maybe (???) help you out with the expense. I'll never understand why people put so much money into weddings. A couple can wed and be very happily married without all the pomp and circumstance of a big wedding.
2007-06-06 13:16:02 · answer #1 · answered by ♥♣♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you uk or usa? In general, in uk the bride pays. In usa, the bridesmaids pay for their own things. Thats the way it has always been.
Hopefully you can talk the bride into picking out a reasonable dress. I have a friend getting married in a couple weeks--several of us had to back out of being a bridesmaid once she told us her plans which included a $300 bridesmaid dress, matching shoes, and a 4 day bachelorette party in NYC. Easily this was going to come close to $1,000 which I couldn't afford.
Hopefully she can pick a cheaper dress. Frequently the bride allows the maids to wear their own shoes--as long as they are black/silver/white. You can price shop for alterations. You can do your own hair.
Being a bridesmaid is expensive--which is why its a big deal to ask someone. If you get the final numbers and it is just impossible for you, tell her honestly. I was able to work it out with my bridesmaids. I found her someone who did the alterations for $10 and I paid, got her a display gown so saved her $50 (it was 120 dress and I got it for 78), and allowed them all to wear their own shoes. However--she still never bought the dress and it was quite a strain on my budget to have all these unexpected expenses b/c she hadn't saved up $100 in the whole year. Don't do that to a bride--she has a lot on her plate with everything she is doing for her wedding.
If you can't afford it, be a true friend and explain to her the situation.
2007-06-06 13:11:43 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to tell you this, but it is customary for the attendants to pay for their own dresses and tuxes and all the costs inferred with this. If you cannot afford to do so, you should have told the bride and groom that you are honored they chose you to be by their side on their wedding day, but you simply could not afford it. Waiting this long to do so is an err on your part. You will i believe have to bite the bullet, pay the expenses, and continue to save for that car. Now that you know all this, you will be prepared for the next wedding. Smile and chalk this one up to experience. Personally, I am getting married in July, i am not having a formal wedding as we could not afford it either. We are paying for the wedding, not our parents. I am not making the maid of honor nor any body else buy or rent anything. As long as they have something suitable to wear, that is not a rainbow of differant colors, that is fine with me. That is why we are getting married in a park instead of a church, so it can be informal and more relaxed and enjoyable.
2007-06-07 01:30:53 · answer #3 · answered by pj 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it's not fair but that is the way it usually works, however, I think it's crazy to ask people to spend so much money on something for them! I understand it's her special day but what's so special about it if you have to make your friends worry about how to pay the rent next month? If she were paying for the dress I bet she would find something cheaper. I do think you should pay to have your own hair done though and your nails because even if you weren't a maid of honor you would still attend her wedding and want to look your best. Right? Maybe since she is such a good friend you could ask her to see if she could find something a little less expensive? I have seen some beautiful gowns for 99.00 or less. After all you'll only wear it once. What a waste. It is her wedding though so if she dosen't agree then don't get mad. Just tell her you were looking forward to being her maid of honor but it just isn't financially feasible for you right now. She should understand that.
2007-06-06 13:38:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
The Maid of Honor is expected to pay for her dress and shoes. I do sympathize with you. I've always felt that when people plan to get married, they should also plan to pay for these things. It seems like such an unfair tradition to place people in a hardship to pay for wedding clothes just because it's the bride and groom's big day. Since you have already committed yourself to being the Maid of Honor, you have to fulfill the role and pay for your outfit. If you back out, you can say goodbye to your friendship with this person, as I'm sure she'll hold it against you forever.
2007-06-06 13:19:08 · answer #5 · answered by bombastic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, that's the way it works. You purchase the dress. I can certainly understand where you're coming from tho because $300 is an awful lot of money for a 19 year old to be expected to shell out----in fact, for many people it would be a lot, especially since you can only wear it once.
Can your parents loan you the money with the expectation that you will repay them at some future time? If you really don't want to do it, be honest with your friend and just tell her that you're honored that she chose you to be her maid of honor, but that you can't afford it You can't get blood out of a turnip.
2007-06-06 13:38:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes. You have to pay for the dress. However, there might be other options:
1) Explain, as you did here, and see if she has advise for you. She may be willing to offset what you can afford so that she can have the wedding that she wants.
2) Politely decline the honor of being Maid of honor and explain why. And that you don't want to spoil her day.
3) See if she is willing to alter her view of the dress to be more "color" coordinated vs style coordinated.
Good luck in whatever you decide.
2007-06-06 13:32:50 · answer #7 · answered by Readin35 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never heard of the bride or couple getting married paying the for dress or the groomsmens tux's....that is just part of standing up in a wedding..forking over the money for those items...
2007-06-06 13:21:02 · answer #8 · answered by ranger0186 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think about if it was the other way around. The bride has to pay 300 for each dress and lets say there are 5 bridesmaids. That's 1500 for dresses... It is not good manners to make the bridesmaid pay for it, but it is not uncommon. She may not be that wealthy. Consider renting it.
2007-06-06 13:11:45 · answer #9 · answered by yumsorbet 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
300 is a lot for a dress. When I got married all the attendants paid for their own outfits, not one of them thought it was unusual. I did pay for the necklaces and hair. We did our own makeup.
You hear so many stories about bridezillas but trying to plan a wedding is hard, and having a whiny MoH makes it harder. I had to change dress styles 3 times before my MoH would accept the dress and it turned out to be a dress not of my liking, but the MoH didn't mind the dress or the price,
See if the dress could be changed to a less expensive gown
2007-06-06 13:43:34 · answer #10 · answered by Corrin L 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋