am i destroying my marriage?

Question

I,m 42 and my lovely wife is 40. we live a pretty fair life raising 2 boys a dog and turtly, being of african american decent i think we are doing o,k.. my problem is that she wants sex at least 3 times a week and i have the desire once a week. Its not that i dont enjoy her, as a matter of fact its great but at this stage in my life i like to express my love not only sexually but other ways to like walks, talks sociallizing with other couples, backyard partys,,,anybody feel me,, help because i dont want to destroy or chase her to another. as i have heard some women say whats not taken care of at home will get taken care of somewhere else. I,m trying to avoid this and any advice would be appreciatted..

Answer 1

No idea. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Well Sir, I am not a professional by any means but, have read quite a bit about this through college experiences and biology, psychology classes.
I can only expect you to take this for what is is, not a proven fact as far as I know.

Most newly married couples have sex from two to three times a week, with four being the outside figure due to less busy outside interference.
The two and once would be a busy outside work schedule and other interferences.

As time goes by, the sex drive is lessened through time, perhaps years. Some couples married three to five years have sex usually once to twice a week, sometimes less, also according to outside interferences.
And: of course the older married couples, say ten years or more: sometimes once a week to twice a two week period.

Some older couple are less toward sex and more toward cuddling, snuggling, being together, holding hands. There is sex involved but it's much less, sometimes due to health in older couples.

This is the whole gamut, you choose. Three times a week, I wouldn't complain after reading some of these others. If you both have good health, get lots of rest and have a good healthy sexual appetite, I guess it's up to you. Your not right and your not wrong.

Answer 3

I am fully convinced God has a sense of humor. Women's sexual desire starts out slow and gradually increases until it peaks at about 35 or so. And it stays at that high level as long as the woman remains healthy which can be a long time.....well past forty. On the other hand a man's sexual desire reaches it's height at about 17 or 18 and stays high until the mid 20s and then starts to steadily decrease until about mid life when it sorta disapates if not disappear all together. So whoever designed this system most think it is terribly funny.

Your situation is not unique. It happens to thousands of marriages every year. I suggest two things. First of all see your family Doctor and tell him/her exactly what you said here. Don't hold back anything. The family Doctor is trained to know what to do. Secondly, I suggest you and your wife give some serious consideration to engaging in marital counseling so that you are both on the same wave length.

Good luck. I am pulling for you.

Answer 4

Three times a week, you say? Seriously, a good sit down chat is what is needed. Remember, part of marriage is not just about trust, but also includes communication. It's really a package deal that keeps your marriage running at 100% efficiency. Don't settle for fractions or your marriage will fail.

*Communication*

Answer 5

The Bible says not to defraud your spouse of intimacy. But it doesn't sound like you are "defrauding" you just have different wants. Have you tried explaining how you feel to her. Are you guys Christians? She may not be satisfied with once a week but- if she loves you she will respect you and she won't go elsewhere for what she is not getting at home. Compromise maybe- two times a week at least and she will take more walks with you or hang out with other couples. Communication is important. And remeber this marriage is for her as well as you.

Answer 6

I think you picked the wrong category...but since you're here...

Have you talked to your wife about this? Is is just that her sex drive is in over drive or is she reacting to what she feels you are doing. I mean, perhaps she's seen the decline in your sexual interest and thinks she needs to do something to get you interested. Maybe she's afraid of losing you.

My first advice would be to have a talk with her. Explain how you feel, that you just aren't as interested in sex as you were when you were younger. Tell you her you still enjoy her as a sex partner and as a friend etc.

If she really desires sex that often, maybe you should also check with your doctor. Perhaps your declining sex drive is a physical or emotional problem.

Good luck. Sounds like you're a pretty good guy to me, and I'm sure your wife wants you to be happy too.

Answer 7

Hello.

You should sit down with her and discuss this with her. You have been married long enough to know each other.
Honesty and communication are very important for a relationship to survive. Any relationship you are in. You have to have those or trust becomes an issue. How does she feel?

Sit down with her and tell her what you told us. She should understand you more than anyone. Tell her your thoughts and your fears. If you feel you would actually like to have sex more, then try to discuss on ways you know will put you in the mood. There is nothing wrong with wanting to just hold hands or hold each other. Best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 8

And this is a religios question?

Well according to some faiths, the husband has an obligation to satisfy his wife. Sex maybe beyond the male orgasm is an option.

A healthy marriage has both partners growing together, compromising when necessary, creatively together finding ways for each's needs to be met as much as possible... That means your needs and hers. Maybe BOTH of you need to change your patterns for awhile.


And - are you talking together about this???

Answer 9

For the most part you should submit to your wife but there may be times you may be tired etc. where she should understand in love if you dont want to have conjugal relations.

Here is a little of what the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches.

2360 Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament.

Answer 10

Dont make it a game, but marriage is a give and take situation. Have sex 3 or 4 times a week and I bet she would be willing to have the walks and partys more often.

Answer 11

Your supposed to love your wife as Messiah loved the church. He gave up his life for the church.

You are also in violation of both Old testament and new testament commandments if you withhold sex from her. It is your duty as her husband to fulfill her conjugal rights as your wife. Interestingly enough it is one of the few reasons that a woman was able to ask the priest for a divorce from her husband.

You will destroy your marriage if you don't change. Read Dr. Harley's - His Needs Her Needs. Sex seems to be one of her needs. Usually one unmet need doesn't necessarily mean and affair will happen but you might want to figure out what other needs she is being deprived of.

You are the husband. You are responsible for leading your household. It is your responsibility to fulfill the needs of your wife.