I was introduced to my in-laws prior to my wedding 11 months ago,because I come from a different state and I met my husband during travel and working abroad.
I thought we were getting along, But i was hurt to learn that my SIL and my MIL were talking behind my back and pretending that everything was O.K in my face. When I confronted them about the tension going onthey found faults in the samallest things , and we realised that we don't have anything in common, even we all grin and bear at family reunions. they even blamed me for being too bubbly, when i just wanted to be friendly and make everyone to feel comfortable about my newness. I guess my bro-in-law's galfriend was being jealous bcoz she has been longer and I was stealing the show, and I consider myself charming and attractive. Anyway, to get back to my question, can I forgive them, but not feel obliged to see them all the time, knowing we have no chemistry. I have the liberty to choose my circle of friends and positive energy.
2007-06-06 10:37:30 · 21 answers · asked by She-whom-shall-not-be-named 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Actually, I have forgotten them, but the fact that they want me to be something I'm not for their own good, I feel that I'm not obliged to see them all the time. But My Mother-in-law is using my Christian Fait against me to say that I'm holding a grudge, when the fact of the matter is we HAVE NO COMMON POINTS.
2007-06-06 10:40:53 · update #1
A Christian should do exactly the same things as anyone else, and you have nailed it. Be friendly when in their company, and choose your own company otherwise.
2007-06-06 10:42:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This one pretty much hits home with me. I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for SEVERAL YEARS. It is not my choice for it to be this way. We used to live in the same state as my inlaws, and a few miles
away. They never came over to visit us, and the kids. We went to their house all the time, and I was really nice to them. I went out of my way to be nice to them, always. My father-in-law is ok, but, my mother-in-law pretty much runs the show, if you know what I mean. They would invite my sister-in-law and her family over all the time, and go out to dinner with them,but never with us. My husband has been deeply hurt mostly by his own mother, and she has never been a grandma to my kids. Pretty hurtful stuff. Anyway, I felt very much anger towards her for a lot of years because of my kids and my husband. I have learned to forgive her, and everything. It was not easy! I had to pray a lot about it. But, bottom line is, we live where we live, and they live far away from us. We don't go to visit anymore, and they have never been here to visit us. Twice a year, my kids get a card from them. ON their birthdays, and at Christmas. That is it. That is the extent of their being grandparents. It is better that we don't see each other. I think it would cause bitterness. God requires that we forgive, because If we don't forgive, we cannot be forgiven by Him. But, we don't have to be with the people who reject us, and treat us badly. I know how you feel. I have been totally rejected, too, as well as my family. If you are a Christian, you must forgive them.
2007-06-14 08:22:13 · answer #2 · answered by byHisgrace 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Plain and simple - you've forgiven them now forget about it. You all have a common love - your husband. Just be good to him and they will eventually come around - or they won't. Either way enjoy your marriage, follow your beliefs and continue to "grin and bear it". There are other people in your husbands family and eventually you won't in their eyes be "stealing the show" because you'll be old news too. Time is a great healer of all hurts.
2007-06-14 08:07:04 · answer #3 · answered by tetlitea 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have read so many good answers and i agree with most of them. Don't try to change them nor do you criticize them either two wrongs do not make it right ask God to make changes in you so that you will be able to live peacefully with them. Be Humble.
Sometimes when you marry into a family they consider you an outsider, someone who is taking away their love one until they get to know you. So as a christian forgive them.
2007-06-14 07:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by Dovesss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor thing - that really stinks to find a good guy with a bitchy jealous mom and sister in law. You just stay above off of it - you only have to see them every now and then. And if they get too snippy, take your future mother in law aside and sweetly remind her that you are the future mother of her grandchild and if she is going to be such a snit, then she won't be seeing said future grandchild. Then smile sweetly and say "now, can't we all get along". And then just focus on your honey, the wedding, and know that things like this only serve to make them look petty and small.
2007-06-06 10:43:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't be mistaken when you marry anyone you marry his or her family also. Forgivness is a ALWAYS choice of course you can forgive them if you do not it will hurt you and your current relationship. Forgivness does not mean you have to see them all the time nor allow them to define you God has already done that if you are one of his children. You have the responsibility to draw healthy boundaries for yourself. I don't know how much you know about dysfunctional families but a good book on this topic would be helpful for you to understand their behavior.
2007-06-07 07:51:25 · answer #6 · answered by Naomi 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The Bible says that when you become married you separate yourselves from your family. You then become a separate entity from everyone but your husband. Therefore let them try to dictate all they want and work with your husban with this. remember that the Bible says that he is the spiritual head of your home not them. The further you get into the word the farther some people become from you. Just ask your self..."what would Jesus do?"......God bless.
2007-06-06 10:48:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never change to please others, always be yourself. They are obviously insecure about themselves, hence they are jealous of you and what your are/have. Just be yourself irregardless, these sort of people pull families apart. Ignore all gossip, or state that it is inappropriate if ever they try to drag you into their evil ways. I think the term is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and "turn the other cheek". Also, is jealousy not a sin, it comes from envy, so yes it is (speaking from the perspective of the attitudes you have described that they have).
Good luck.
2007-06-14 06:41:39 · answer #8 · answered by Janet B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Bible says "... for these reasons the man shall leave his home with his parents and cling to his bride ..." Meaning that you're marriage trumphs your MIL, SIL, & BIL.
However, the Bible says that you should share the love with others as you want love back
2007-06-06 11:11:09 · answer #9 · answered by Giggly Giraffe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to have things in common with your family in order to love and spend time with them. My wife and I are complete opposites in everything imaginable, yet I still love her and spend time with her.
Take each criticism they give you, evaluate it, and discuss it rationally and tell them why youre bubbly, or whatever. Sometimes they are going to be homing in on your weaknesses and you know it. Sometimes, theyre going to be out in left field and when they are, challenge them and stick up for yourself. I was just at my dads and he and I have a tough time getting along. One night, something little set him off and he started flinging accusations and saying ridiculous things. I went out for a walk and then came back and we discussed it. I let him know how it feels when he says things like that and asks if its a fair thing to do, how he would like people saying things like to him.
All we can do though in the end is forgive them 1000 times and try to love them.
2007-06-06 10:58:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋