I know this is the R&S section & that I'm an atheist who's probably looking for help in the wrong place, but I would appreciate answers that didn't involve "tell her that the Lord will be her strength and solace". I'm asking here because I know people here, because they might be willing to give me advice. I've never been good at handling bereavement & I don't want to be a total schlub to my Mom, so I'm looking to my online friends for any advice I can get.
2007-06-06 10:30:15 · 18 answers · asked by ZER0 C00L ••AM••VT•• 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
There are never any right words to say. Just be her son - whom she loves and respects. Listen to her...hug her... and tell her you love her. Cause you do. Allow her to go through the emotional chaos, all the while, listening to her, hugging her and telling her that you love her. Not because it's the right thing to do - which it is - but because it's true, and she needs you right now - and you love her.
2007-06-06 10:49:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ahh, death. One of the few commonalities atheists have with Christians. Neither Christians nor atheists can deny the intrusion of death & that it causes an instinctive grief.
Even though I'm a Christian, I would have to admit that I would grieve for my own sake the loss of one of my best friends. Whether or not they're Christian, they are the special people who help a person through this broken world. If this is as far as the grief goes then a hug, an offer to listen or give physical help (e.g. cook dinner, or take to dinner) would be good I imagine. Be available is the best advice I can give.
For me as a Christian, I dread with all my heart & soul the day that my atheist friends die (yes, I do have some in real life), far more so than the day my Christian friends die because I'll see the latter again. Is your mother Christian? Was her friend? My point is that there may be more than the initial grief of her losing a friend. If that is the case, there isn't much more comfort to give outside of the promises of God.
2007-06-06 10:58:08 · answer #2 · answered by Sakurachan 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The fact that you want to console your mother at the lost of her dear friend is wonderful. Yes, I am a Christian but I am a hospice nurse and I give the same care to non Christian Pt's as I do to Christian Pt's. I also lost my mom about a year and a half ago. Some of the best consolation I got was from friends and from my boyfriend(now husband) who did nothing but sit by my side and either hold me or hold my hand while I grieved. Just be there for your mom that is all she needs. Let her talk you listen.
2007-06-06 10:44:45 · answer #3 · answered by Only hell mama ever raised 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put yourself in her place, and try to be the same support you would need. It may be that you can't help her very much, but you should do what you can. We kind of put the people in our lives into constrictive roles...you wouldn't ask your Mom for sex advice (maybe) even though her friends might ask her, but you do allow her a certain role. She probably allows you a certain role as well.
2007-06-06 10:35:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Spend time with her if you live close; you don't have to do anything special or out of the ordinary. A lot of times people feel comforted by having someone they love close by during times like this.
2007-06-06 10:39:01 · answer #5 · answered by genaddt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the best thing to say is how sorry you are that this happened. Let her lead the way in your discussion. She will talk about the things she needs to in her own timing. If she seems depressed you can try inviting her to do something you know she enjoys...a pedicure, etc.
2007-06-06 10:39:54 · answer #6 · answered by chra7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with all of the people who say that the main thing is to just be there with her. The right words will come when you need them.
2007-06-06 10:43:14 · answer #7 · answered by Randy G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, since you are atheist, I would just say to spend time with her, listen to her. I just lost someone and it helped to talk to someone and cry on their shoulder before I could stuff the grief inside.
2007-06-06 10:38:16 · answer #8 · answered by artbyheather04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go to your Mom and give her a long sincere hug. And then hold her hand and let her talk. You don't have to say anything. You could get her a favorite something, food, drink, whatever, too.
2007-06-06 10:34:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Simply be there, and remember this: if you can't think of anything to say, don't speak except to say, "I'm sorry." You do not have to "handle" it; simply being there for your mother while leaving her to her thoughts, giving her space, is best. She will come to you if she needs you.
2007-06-07 01:43:13 · answer #10 · answered by Sky in the Grass 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋