Ok, i posted earlier to mothers of adult sons and their opinion regarding their son dating a woman who had a serious drug problem as a teenager, didn't graduate high school etc. They are in their late 20s and have been together 4 yrs. She has not used drugs since she was 18, holds a steady job, and is successful.
So lets say that you are his mother and the issue is, his high school girlfriend (whom he was with for 7 yrs) is still interested and has contacted you several times in effort to get back together with him. She went to college, and is now getting her masters. What do you tell her? And do you think that is the better fit for your son? How do you approach that with him and her?
2007-06-06 10:28:52 · 18 answers · asked by Dr25 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To be honest the way I look at it is like this. This is all your opinion and this is what you think, but you will never be able to control how his heart feels and what female he wants to be with. Everyone can have a past and that is exactly what it is. Look at the future and how far she has come since she has quite using the drugs, so there is hope. Just because she has done this in the past which seems to be a long time ago, does not make her a bad person, so please don't judge her. We has humans have no control over our hearts or the feelings we have for someone else. If he does not want the other female back and she has completed college etc.... then there is nothing no one can do about it and you and the other will just have to accept it because the end result would be resentment for you and her.
2007-06-06 10:41:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooo you are in dangerous water....
It is very difficult when we see our children doing something that we may not approve of. But, it is our child who is living their lives and not us.
As you so rightly say, your son and his girlfriend have been together for 4 years and are clearly not just a flash in the pan. Yes, she did drugs. But she has obviously been honest about her mistakes and has been clean for 2 years. She is also successful etc.
As for the ex girlfriend, well....they were together when they were very young weren't they? I mean if they were together 7 years and that ended 4 years ago, then they went out when they were 9 and finished at 16.....hmmmmm
Not a good recipe for long and lasting love if you ask me. They were just two kids learning about love.
It must be difficult having her contact you, and she has done so because she wants to test the water and have you put in a good word for her. No, I don't think you should. And you must tell her this. There was a reason they split up and that must not be ignored. Bringing them together again will reopen old wounds for her and may make your son question why you are trying to rule his life.
Let the past go, let your son live his own life.
2007-06-06 10:42:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 28 and married to a guy that is the smartest person I've EVER met. He was so above everyone else he dropped out of high school at 16 and got his GED. By 18 when his classmates were working at McD's, he was making $20 working on computers. He's also taken every drug on this planet and experimented. No biggie, it's out of his system. He now runs his own successful business.
Point is, it's not the education level that denotes happiness or self worth.
My other issue is that it is up to YOUR SON who he wants to be with, not you. Sure, they were together 7 years but there was a reason they broke up.
Please be objective, loving, and then stay out. Tell your son about the other girl trying to contact him, but then stay out. Let him live his own life. He's an adult.
2007-06-06 10:36:39 · answer #3 · answered by sweetz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I say stay out of it and tell the high school girlfriend that he is happy (if that is true) and that she should be speaking to him about this, not you.
Not trying to be rude but I had a similar issue with my now ex (thank god!) mother-n-law always trying to tell her son what he should do and what not to do. Always trying to protect him and constantly bailing him out of trouble. He is a big boy and needs to learn from his own mistakes if there are mistakes to be made.
I have two daughters and a son of my own. I will use this very method. If there is something seriously wrong (drug abuse, alcohol abuse, etc.) sure, step in. But if they never make their own mistakes and have to deal with the consequences then they won't ever learn anything.
Also, be there for him/her when they do make a mistake but make sure that you allow him/her room to learn and grow from them so they don't keep repeating these mistakes over and over. By the way, did I mention my ex-husband is now 30 years old with three kids and on his third divorce, never holds a job and is constantly in trouble?
Looks like mom should have let him fall down and learn a hard lesson a long time ago.
Just my two cents!
2007-06-06 10:46:35 · answer #4 · answered by KE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, key here is, "Adult son".
He get's to make his own descisions.
The girl who went to college, what more do you know about her? He dated her for 7 years. Maybe he knows more about her than you.
If I had to choose between two women, it wouldn't be whether one went to college and the other dropped out, it would be who is a better person inside.
Maybe he loves her because she had enought strength of character to quit drugs.
As you said "..She has not used drugs since she was 18, holds a steady job, and is successful..." What more could you want?
Sounds like a winner to me. This other girl might get out of college and totally fail at life... College does not make someone a good person. Heck, many of the college educated people I work with aren't exceptionally bright...
So, he gets to choose who he loves. You need to accept that.
A~
2007-06-06 10:48:55 · answer #5 · answered by BigMac2xk 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what you may think is a better fit for him may not be the right one. you have to let him find love for himself and not choose someone for him. if his girl now has stopped abusing drugs, and has a steady job and is succesfull then what is the problem. people change and you shouldnt judge based on what activities she was involved in, in the past. i think you should let him live his own life and respect the decisions he makes...after all, he IS an adult.
2007-06-06 10:36:15 · answer #6 · answered by j t 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cut the strings and let him be with the one he loved. High School crushes usually last a long time, it doesn't mean they last forever.
The new girlfriend had problems, haven't you had any trouble in your life?
2007-06-06 10:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by Lesley M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'd stay out of this all together if I were you. Your son is a grown man entitled to make his own dating decisions. I know it's tough not to meddle but if you want to keep any semblance of a decent relationship with your son, keep out of his romantic life.
2007-06-06 10:33:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't meddle in your son's love life. he'll hate anyone that you like. tell the ex-gf that she should call & set up a date with your son. maybe he'll realize how great she's turned out & want to try again. that's the best you can do.
2007-06-06 10:33:37 · answer #9 · answered by yowza 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look this man is in his late 20s? who are you to butt in? you will only distance yourself from your son, this girl who calls you has no business trying to partition you to manipulate your son. She is conniving, and will use her talents someday against you. Who cares if she went to college-she deserves her masters in selfishness.
2007-06-06 10:35:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋