I have been casually seeing a guy for about a month or so. He is 24 and a Physics graduate student at the UW. The entire time we've spent together, we've gotten along very well and have had some incredibly conversations. This all changed about two weeks ago when I was visiting him at his place:
He called me earlier that afternoon to ask me if I wanted to have dinner with him. I agreed to meet him and I made the hour and a half drive to his house in Seattle. When I arrived, we talked for a little while and then he decided to show me a new typewriter he had just purchased. Suddenly, he noticed the "A" key was sticky and decided to pry open the typewriter to fix the spring. He said it would only take a minute and then we would go out to dinner. He ended up taking an hour and we did not eat.
Finally, he looked up at me and said "you don't have to sit there and watch me do this if you don't want to." So, I picked up my purse, told him good-night, and left. He has not called me.
2007-06-06 10:22:46 · 22 answers · asked by Eames 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
OK, he's eccentric. Surely you knew this going in a relationship with a Physics major. :) Um, yes, he was a little rude, but I don't think he intended to be. I think he has an engineers mindset and can't let things go till he sees them through. You could find worse traits in a guy.
A better tact for you might have been to tell him to fix it later, your hungry. Einstein used to occasionally show up at class with no pants on or walk into the buildings at Cornell. SOmetimes they need someone on this plane to pull them back to earth.
I think, however, you probably did the right thing making your point. You don't want to be a doormat. Ordinarily, I don't advise woman to call men. They should pursue us. However, maybe you should call him and let him know he can apoligse now. Explain to him how you feel, let him off the hook and set a ground rule.
He's probably terrified to call you because he thinks you'll never want to speak to him again. :) Brainy guys lack some social skills and are baffled by women. They often assume that when you walk out and slam the door it's because your done with them.
2007-06-06 10:33:10 · answer #1 · answered by Cindy H 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You drove an hour and a half to have a meal with this guy, and then you sat silently for an hour while he piffles around with a stuck typewriter key?
I hope you're smacking yourself upside the head and saying "What was I thinking?!?" Because for sure, if it had been me in those circumstances, after the first minute or so of piffling with the typewriter key, I'd have been telling the guy that I was hungry, and why couldn't he fix the typewriter after we ate?
The guy is definitely an airhead for letting you wait while he fiddled with the typewriter, but you were an airhead for not speaking up.
All right, water under the bridge. Now you need to decide if you want to have anything further to do with someone whose attitude about you is so fluff-brained that he gets distracted by a typewriter after you've driven an hour and a half to be with him. If it were my decision to make, I'd write the guy off and go about my life without any provision for him in it. If he called, I'd just tell him that you just can't see spending time with someone who lets a fellow human being be hugely inconvenienced while he mucks around with a typewriter-- behavior that's at best inconsiderate, at worst grossly rude. You can decide based on what he says whether you want to give him a second chance.
And give yourself another slap upside the head for allowing yourself to be inconvenienced in this way. Object lesson: when someone you have driven an hour and a half out of your way to be with is doing something rude and inconsiderate, TELL HIM WITHOUT DELAY!
2007-06-06 17:45:02 · answer #2 · answered by Karin C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can e-mail, send an e-mail saying, "Hey, just in case you lost my phone number, here it is: . If you're feeling bad because you were fixing a typewriter and ignoring me, I can look beyond that. Call me. If you were offended that I took you up on your offer and left you fixing your typewriter, I'm sorry I upset you. Call me. If none of the above apply, and you just don't want to see me, don't call, but please be more honest with people in the future."
If you have to call instead of e-mailing, just say -- "Hey - what's up -- are you done with me or is there some other explanation?" // if he says no and sets up a meet and doesn't show -- f'get about it.
2007-06-06 17:36:02 · answer #3 · answered by Kenneth W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be disappointed, but not call- he's made his point pretty clear. He's ignored you for half the length of your "casual" relationship- not a good sign. Perhaps you conveyed a bored disinterest as he was fiddling with the typewriter, and he was testing you when he said "leave if you don't want to wait" and your leaving means you failed the test. You had an interesting couple of weeks, but consider him history.
2007-06-06 17:30:02 · answer #4 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has something like OCD or Asperger's or some attention/organizational/social disorder. These conditions can affect people of all intelligence levels, and it might be that scientific/engineering people have many with it... Some resources are below.
If you like him enough to forgive his most recent rudeness, call him; say, our last meeting didn't go well; what happened? You will be making choices about whether you want to spend future time with him; he will be making choices too.
:) I have a dear friend with an organizational and social impairment. His mind and company are definitely worth any extra effort and care i may need to bring.
2007-06-06 18:52:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No do not call him. He clearly thought the A key on his typewriter was more important than eating dinner with you, something you would only reinforce by going out of your way to see him again.
2007-06-06 17:32:47 · answer #6 · answered by grandemocha_sunchaser 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't even think about wasting your time by calling him. If he ended up caring for his typewriter more than he cared about you, then it doesn't seem logical for you to continue your relationship with him. You have a perfect reason to be upset at him.
Sorry if I sounded very serious; I'm not. I'm actually saying this as nicely as possible.
2007-06-06 18:13:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is inconsiderate. You drove an hour and a half to watch him pick apart his typewriter. Move on.
2007-06-06 18:00:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
His sense of priorities is screwed up, he shouldn't have fixed the typewriter. When my girl comes by I give her ALL my attention, his never going to create a meaningful relationship until he realizes how to prioritize.
2007-06-06 17:28:47 · answer #9 · answered by cireengineering 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh please don't call him. as a woman you've gotta have dignity and don't call men so they wonder why u didn't call him & they call u. Besides he seems like a rude, bipolar kind of guy the heck with him don't call him and when u meet another guy don't fall all over him stay away and you'll see how much he'll call you ;)
---------No matter what people say don't call him don't call any man the hell with them let them suffer because of u let them call U don't call him or any other man and take your sweet time to answer calls!! Trust me!!!
2007-06-06 17:31:22 · answer #10 · answered by ♥{puεrtoяicaи. аиgεl}♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋