My father just passed away yesterday. My wife's brothers wife delivered a stillborn baby boy on Friday. My fathers services are this weekend in Tennessee and my wife's brothers babys service is in Ohio this weekend also. I want my wife to be with me, and she wants to be there for me, but I know that she wants to be there for her brother too. What is the right decision? I told my wife it would be okay to go and be there for here brother, but I know its a tough decision. We live in North Carolina. Like death is not hard enough, why did this have to happen!!!! Please help make light of this situation. Thanks
2007-06-06 09:16:15 · 25 answers · asked by Burl T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you to all who answered me. My brother in laws child's service was postponed until Monday so thankfully we don't have to be without each other for either service. Thank you all for your sympathy during this time. I really appreciate it. BT
2007-06-06 15:22:16 · update #1
Send love and flowers to your wife's brother, and go to your father's funeral with your wife.
Maybe in a few weeks you can go for a visit to the brother and his wife.
From experience, I know that YOU do not want to miss your father's funeral, and having your wife there will be immensley supporting to you. She knows you best, and can help to sheild some of those well meaning but cruel people from you.
The family of the baby is in a very private greiving time, just as they need each other, the brother does not need his sister , she may want to be there, and he may want her there, but I feel as if you need your partner.
I don't have words to say I'm sorry for your lose, I hope you come up with a solution that works best for you both.
Take care.
2007-06-06 09:28:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss. I believe all answers are within us, however, it doesn't make it easy. Your father was with you for your entire life and having been through loosing a brother and a father-in-law, I urge you to be there for his funeral and you may very well need the support of your wife at that time.
How long have you been married? Maybe it would be best for your wife to attend the funeral of her brother's child, however, would it be possible for the two of you to visit her brother and his wife, do something special with them - a visit to the graveside, place flowers- at another time, in a week or so? It is not a matter of honoring one over the other, however, the baby did not have a chance at life and the loss is of what might have been, yet your father's funeral is honoring the full life that was lived. Blessings
2007-06-06 09:31:59 · answer #2 · answered by L C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that it would be good for you to go to your father's funeral and for your wife to go to her nephew's funeral. You should be there for your side of the family and even thought they'd probably understand, they really appreciate you being there for them. The same would go for your wife.
When you guys come back, you can comfort each other and mention how the service was him. No one on either side of the family should make you feel bad because you couldn't be there for both services; you can't be in two places at once.
I am truly sorry for you and your wife's loss. Nothing hurts more than losing a family member in death.
2007-06-06 09:22:44 · answer #3 · answered by ♥☺ bratiskim∞! ☺♥ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am VERY sorry for your losses -- In my humble opinion, I think you should go to your father's funeral and she to her "nephews". You and she both will have plenty of family members to be with and to be supportive. You both will also be good support to those in each family that the loss affects the most. However, if you feel you need your wife's support during your father's funeral, then ask her to go with you, and send a spectacular wreath to her nephews funeral. It's very hard to lose a parent. My mom pasted in January, and I don't know what I would have done with out him by my side.
I think whatever you decide, will be fine, just make sure you communicate your plans with other family members.
God Bless.
2007-06-06 09:28:38 · answer #4 · answered by Dog Mama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This will at first sound cold, but at least hear me out. Your brother and his wife may have more children, but you only had one father.
Send a sympathy card and some flowers for the parents of the child, and attend in person your father's funeral. Be with your family this weekend, and help your mother and surviving family members deal with the loss of your father.
Allow your wife to talk on the phone to her family as much as she wants, and allow her to join her family at a later date (maybe Sunday Night? And take off work on Monday to travel home?) and maybe for a more happier occasion.
If anyone in her family complains, tell them what I told you - You are very sorry for their loss, but you only had one father.
My sympathies to both families for their losses.
2007-06-06 09:25:40 · answer #5 · answered by enn 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would definately be present for the father's passing..both of you...Afterwards let her go to her brother and comfort because he would understand...Most fathers at least what infants were buried from our family had the priest and father present...if there were other people for support so be it...The above would be an ideal situation. Probably what will happen is to let her brother and sister in law stay in touch because of the distance...Could she spend time with her say...a weekend to help out and get her out?
I had a sister in law that lost a newborn and there is not a thing you can do...the bitterness has to be worked out...I ended up supporting her through an extended stay in hospital and she appreciated nothing...
Prayers
2007-06-06 09:28:22 · answer #6 · answered by Patches6 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very tough situation, but it's looking like either you both need to go to your dad's funeral or you need to separately attend the funerals. He was your dad, you will be there... period. That is not an option. A service for a stillborn of her brother is very sad indeed, but you have probably the only excuse not to attend. They should understand, if not... damn them to hell. Attend your fathers and then try to make it to her brothers sons if possible. Do try.
2007-06-06 09:20:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The right decision is for you both to part ways and go with your families, there will be others there to grieve with you in your time of need. While I cannot make light of this situation I hope you both can come to an agreement and be there for your families. I don't know why God works the way he does but I am sorry about this loss.
2007-06-06 09:20:01 · answer #8 · answered by heathermichelle9 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they're not the same days, maybe you and your wife could make both? If not I would say that you should go to your father's funeral and she should go to her brothers, and send your condolences to the funeral you cannot attend. Death is such a difficult thing to deal with, that makes it even more complicated. Sorry for you loss, I hope that it works out the best way that it can.
2007-06-06 09:20:29 · answer #9 · answered by Manhan32 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you have to go to your father’s funeral. So either she have to go to that funeral with you or go to her stillborn nephews by herself. Wouldn’t her brother have other people to support him and his wife? Really your wife’s the one in the pickle because whatever she does she will have some guilt over not being there for her husband who is her primary family now, or not being there for her brother.
I think if I was in the situation I would go to my fathers in law funeral. Assuming I had a relationship with him, over a stillborn babies funeral. Assuming they had a bunch of other people to support them. I’d hope they understand me choosing to go to ,my husband’s fathers funeral. I’d try to stop by and spend a few days with brothers family. Put flowers on baby grave etc.
Sorry for your loss on both sides.
2007-06-06 12:51:42 · answer #10 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋