I have a question pertaining to gay graduation and wedding invitations?

Question

I am a guy whose has lived with the same guy for 3 years, my niece sent me invitation to her graduation with only my name on the invitation to her open house, my other neice sent me a invitation to her wedding with the name Dennis (thats me) and guest. my lifetime partners name not even mentioned, should i go alone , or not go, send a gift or what, ?? they have all met him and like him, but apparently they dont want the gay couple at these functions,

Answer 1

You're a package. Send a card of congratulations and sign your SO's name as well. They need a gentle reminder. It may not be your nieces' fault, however, so may want to send a little moolah. That depends on the niece, etc... But be sure to sign the card from you both. You can come to our house for dinner. :)

Answer 2

I have to defend the graduation. I know my high school was outrageously strict. We had 7 invites to it. That was it. I have a small family. Well, I have 2 parents, 2 grandparents, each side has an uncle and aunt. That meant I couldn't even invite my cousins!!

The few people that didn't have families--divorced and they were just using 1-3 of their invites--were bartering and selling the spare invites to those suckers that had to invite everyone.

There might be a very good reason why the graduation does not invite your partner.

As for the wedding, when was the last time she saw the 2 of you? She might not have known if you were still with your partner and didn't want to offend you by saying his name. Also, she did invite you and your partner. It does say "and guest". The etiquette sites don't really give you a "How to" invite Mr and Mr.

Really I think you are being over sensitive. I mean--they are your nieces. Do you know exactly who they are dating? Can you name their teachers? Birthday? Etc. If not, you are being very harsh for the fact that they didn't specifically invite him--especially since the "getting married" neice DID specifically invite him.

You should contact the graduation niece just to make sure that she has space before you get mad at her for not inviting him. You probably should go by yourself to it. To the wedding--you were both invited. It is up to you if you both want to go, but politely you should rsvp once you decide. Yes you should send a gift. It is your niece. Why would you want to start a family feud where there isn't one?

Everything doesn't have to have so much drama. I have a black friend who does this and it annoys me terribly. Everything has to be about race. If I have rude customer service, I dealt with a rude person. If she does, it needs to be a lawsuit b/c the company is racist. It sounds like you are doing the same thing. Has your family given you any indication that it is a "gay thing"? Then don't make it up just to be dramatic.

Answer 3

It seems that you may be reading to much into this. As you say they HAVE all met him, and like him. One thing that I've learned about my generation and younger is that a lot of the etiquette that once was has been lost. Thank you cards happen less frequently, appropriate dress for the occasion, etc. The fact that it was addressed only to you was probably done out of laziness, she has a lot going on right now, and getting the address right is a small feat. As for your other niece, the mention of "and guest" was a major step in the right direction. There is no need, though it would have been the extra mile, for her to mention and write out his name. I hope you and your partner have a wonderful time celebrating both of your nieces' very important days. I also hope that you will not allow this oversight create unnecessary drama, in an otherwise good situation. I hope the both of you have a great time with your family!

Answer 4

Since your nephew's graduation party is an open house I am sure your partner's attendance should not be an issue and as far as your neice's wedding she did include a guest on your invitation. However, in my opinion they should have included your partner's name on the invitation. They are your family and they should accept your life partner and if in this day and age they have an issue with a gay couple at a family function that is just sad.

Answer 5

I am not sure in this case, but a lot of times at graduations, tickets are required or the graduate only can bring a certain number of people. Maybe she couldn't invite an extra person cause there isnt any room? I would talk to her about it and see what's going on.

For the wedding, I think your niece was meaning for you to bring your partner because she included "and guest." Go and have a great time!

Answer 6

Have you even considered maybe your niece who's graduating only wanted to invite less people because of limited budget? Or maybe your niece who's getting married doesn't remember your partner's full name? Better get to the bottom of this before you think your family is homophobic. Try to remember the last family function both you and your partner were there. Was there any incident? A little too much PDA maybe for the more conservative family members? If nothing happened then maybe you're being a little too paranoid. Whatever it is, hopefully a simple misunderstanding is the case. Such a shame to see a family divided for whatever reason. Good luck.

Answer 7

For the neice who only invited you, you should call and ask if it's okay if you bring your partner. She might be uncomfortable with it, or she may have just assumed you two would show up together. But call just in case! The other one said to bring a guest and I think your partner fits that roll, as long as you two aren't slobbering all over eachother at the wedding. That might offend some of the other guests if they don't agree with your lifestyle.

Answer 8

I don't know how close you are to your nieces but I would ask them (pardon the expression) straight outright. Not to be confrontational but to see if maybe there were some oversights. If they appologise and say it was just an oversight, it will enforce that they should be a little more open minded in the future. I they tell you it was on purpose, that will open up the conversation and hopefully some issues can get resolved. Keep it light, you can save any major resolutions for after their special days. By addressing the issues but not getting heated, you will show a greater emotional maturity that they should hope for in their own relationships. Good luck.
P.S. Whatever you do don't skip either event. You can regret going but it is way better than regretting NOT going.

Answer 9

Well, if they put "and Guest" then your partner is invited and expected. I am not sure about the open house, since its an open house they may not have felt the need to put and guest because there isnt anything with assigned seating, its come and go as you please, so I would assume that he is invited they just didnt put his name on the envelope. But go ahead and ask if he can come to the open house, he IS invited to the wedding, thats why they wrote and guest.

Answer 10

If the invitation says "guest" by all means take your live-in. If not, just assume the guest list had to be reigned in. Maybe they are afraid of gay public displays of affection at their functions. That is still very disturbing to most straight people.

But the best way to solve the dilemma is to just ask them point blank, then you will know for sure.

Answer 11

The and guest is including your mate in the way i think the other is graduating from what high school? She probably didn't even consider the fact that she had only put one name on there talk to them before you let it hurt you then if they do not want your partner to attend you stay home to and DO NOT send a gift....