If you had a son in his late 20s who was with a woman in her mid-late 20s for 4 years, and then found out certain things about her past, how would you react?
This girl is succesful, has held the same job for over 5 yrs, and has a lot going for her now. How would you feel and what would you do if you found out she had a drug problem as a teenager and due to that did not graduate high school or go to college? (she has not had any involvement with drugs since she was 18)
2007-06-06 07:38:03 · 21 answers · asked by Dr25 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Would you be hesistant to accept him potentially marrying this girl?
2007-06-06 07:40:30 · update #1
I should have clarified that it was very hard drugs she was using, and her mother was an alcoholic. Would that concern you because it could be genetic?
2007-06-06 07:53:40 · update #2
We all have a past. You said she was successful. Let it be. Your sone loves her and apparently you think alot of her, also.
2007-06-06 07:42:45 · answer #1 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not the mother of an adult son however, I still feel compelled to reply as a 25-year-old woman with a less than perfect past.
As a teenager, I wasn't the best person either at up to the age of 18 I didn't necessarily involve myself in drugs or alcohol but I did have issues with anger that resulted in violence.
Since then, unlike your sons girlfriend, I have gone on to graduate high school and college however, that doesn't matter I think.
Honestly, I feel like whatever your son's girlfriend did in the past is in the past -- as long as she no longer engages in any activity that is harmful to her (and in turn, to him) and has learned from whatever mistakes she may have made prior then you should simply concern yourself with his happiness.
People DO change and sometimes (like it seems in this case) for the better. I'm willing to bet that you in your 20s is not the same person that you were in your teens and you in your 60s is not going to be the same that you are now.
She may lack formal education but as you, yourself, have admitted, she has a lot going for her. Instead of focusing on the negative, try to remind yourself of all the positive things about her. Obviously, she is a good person and makes your son happy because he is with her. Allow the fact that you raised your son to make the right decisions and recognize the good in people to guide you.
It is his decision to make and I understand your concern as a mother but I think that there really isn't anything to worry about.
Good luck!
2007-06-06 08:03:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might already know, and maybe did not want to tell you so you would not judge her. Do you know why she had a drug problem and did not complete high school?? Don't be to quick to judge. Some people don't have the easy life. Only God knows why she did what she did. So bye you telling your son not to marry her, what are you saying because she made a mistake in the past makes her unworthy of love. Maybe your son is the best thing that has ever happened to this girl. Have you ever thought of that. Give her a break. Maybe talk to her about going back to school, and be someone she can look up too. God bless you.
2007-06-06 07:45:18 · answer #3 · answered by Heather D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have adult sons but I do have 6 brothers and 2 brother in law's.
Now I would rather have my son, brother with a woman who has made mistakes and bettered herself and is now a successful happy person in a great relationship than the alternative. The alternative is someone who is spoiled, selfish and may potentially never be satisfied. I have a nephew who's girlfriend of 8 yrs is always drinking, she is rude and spoiled. She worships Jessica Simpson because she is rich and can pay people to do the crap as she puts it.
Now, you may find that no matter what woman you bring home she will never be good enough for you and if it wasn't this she would find something else to focus on.
Tell your mom that you are basing your decision on your experience and relationship with this woman not her past and although your past may not be as questionable as hers that you thank your lady for not judging you on your past as well.
Don't forget your marriage will be about you two, not your parents.
2007-06-06 07:52:15 · answer #4 · answered by New England Babe 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she doesn't have the drug problems now, I would not worry about it, that was her past. We should keep what happens in the past, in the past. She is probably a whole new person because of it, you should not hold it against her. Everyone makes mistakes in this lifetime, as long as they're not continually doing it and they've learned from it and are doing better for themselves then that's all that matters.
2007-06-06 07:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Genetic no, would I be happy of course not. You state she was in drugs and stopped 4 yrs ago. What makes you think your son doesn't know. My advise is talk to your son, ask him if he admits he knows or if he doesn't and excepts her. Be greatful she is clean and has turned her life around. Most people don't. Give them your blessing and pray she maintains clean and please dont treat her any different if she turned her life around and is making your son happy. That was in the past she is living a new beginning. We all make mistakes.
2007-06-06 08:29:52 · answer #6 · answered by beliz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has alot going for her now. had is the key word here, she was determined, discipline, and smart enough to kick the addiction. I would feel at ease with my son wanting to marry her because she knows how to stick it out when things are rough. marriage is tough, and alot of people cant deal with the stress, and the conflict that occurs within the first 2 yrs. She has got strength. Her past is just that hers. I would be thrilled that my son found a woman with strength and character to admit yea i have made mistakes but i'm stronger now because of them. Lets face it mom not even your son is perfect, i am sure he has done things that have disappointed you at times. Support your son mom i would hate for you too make him choose and you lose out.
2007-06-06 07:49:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
everyone has a past..we have things we did we are not proud of...leave it alone and mom why are you into your sons sex life? I am the mother of 3 grown men 35, 27 and 25 and have seen them all cry tears over woman breaking ther hearts and I hate the woman for that...but I am not God and not to judge especially woman my sons introduce me to, would you want the girl digging up your past? Leave her past out of the picture look towards her future.
2007-06-06 07:55:51 · answer #8 · answered by joyce s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Getting over a drug problem is not an easy task. It shows the strength, perseverance, and dedication of the person.
Imagine if they did get married and they were having problems, would you want your son married to someone with those qualities?
2007-06-06 07:45:34 · answer #9 · answered by joe s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the key word is HAD.
he is dating her now the drug problem is in the past, so no I would not hold her past against her, that is not right nor fair. everyone has a skeleton or more in the closet and as you stated she dealt with hers and is nothing like that today so I would say let it ride. as a mom also, I would keep eyes and ears open but I would do that anyway whether I have a reason or not.
2007-06-06 07:44:29 · answer #10 · answered by Kelly B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She made a mistake in her past and she is successful in her career. Give her a chance. Did you liek her prior to knowing her past?
No one is perfect and if she has been clean for several years, I am certain she will stay that way. She may have learned from her mistake and this is a better person now.
2007-06-06 07:44:09 · answer #11 · answered by SG GAL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋