Trouble with 4 year old.?

Question

I have a 10 month old baby girl and a 4 year old boy. Is it normal for the 4 year old to be mean to his sister? They both get the same amount of attention so I don't think it is jealousy. Which is what I thought at first. He usually does mean things to her when he thinks I am not looking. I caught him choking her, pushing her down when she is standing up in her playpen, pushing her butt when she is crawling and making her hit her face on the floor. Please give advice. And yes I believe in spanking and timeouts but they don't seem to be helping.

Answer 1

well, even though you might not feel its jealousy, it probably is.

he sees that you hold her, feed her personally, and even making him share will give him some or little jealousy...

and TALK to him! he wont understand spanking! he'll think its okay to hit!

when you catch him right before he hits his little sister grab his hand and tell him n his eyes(make sure he's looking at you) and tell him it is not okay and if he does it again he will be discaplinned!

timeout minutes go by age.... so if hes four, he should be getting atleast 4 mins of timeout

Answer 2

Sometimes the sibling rivalry thing is normal. But in this case I'd say it could be harmful if you allow it to continue. Kids respond very well when they know what is expected of them. Sit him down, and calmly, on his level, tell him that you have seen him hurting his sister and it is not okay. Ask him how it would feel if a big person was hurting him. Then tell him that if he hurts his little sister again, you will spank him. And always follow through. He will get it if you are consistent and loving. Also sometimes a bonding experience between the baby and sibling helps- let him feed her (with you right there) and let the baby give him kisses and talk about how much she loves him and wants to get big just like him. Sometimes there is a jealousy because the baby gets a different kind of attention than the older child, not less attention. Good luck!~

Answer 3

It is jealousy, and also resentment. Your 4yr old just got ousted (in his/her view) as the number one. Keep paying equal attention, but you MUST make a special day for the 4 yr old by himself. Also, whats helpfull is making the child feel a little more grown up, maybe ask for ideas on a fun day, etc. My 4 year old loves babies, plays well with his 10 yr old sister, but at the same time, boy can he be mischievous. Good Luck.

Answer 4

It is completely normal for this behavior. Even though you think he is getting the same amount of attention he still has to share it and it's probably still new to him. I agree with spanking but if it's not working then maybe you should try something else. My son doesn't respond well to spanking but sitting in the "Naughty Chair" (gotta love super Nanny) works wonders.

Answer 5

Spanking is teaching him that its ok to use physical methods to acheive a goal. He's learning by example. Try teaching him the right way to treat his sister - how to have fun with her. Helping her walk, playing games to help her crawl, etc, to encourage the bonding. Lead by example this way.

Otherwise try lavishing attention on the victim, and ignoring the aggressor - read something on this in Parents, an issue last fall I think.

Answer 6

yes this is normal. he is jealous he was an only child for 3 years and then another child comes into the picture. try spending some one on one time with him. then explain that he can't do that to his sis b/c he can hurt her. just make sure to keep a close eye on them. he'll grow out of it if you handle it right. good luck!

Answer 7

it sounds like he showing her who's in charge