Would you allow your significant other to have a bachelor/bachlorette party before the wedding?

Question

Personally, I've heard horror stories and I wouldn't let my fiance have one. Why would he need to celebrate with strippers around rather than just have dinner with his frriends. I'll allow him to go out when we are married. Thoughts?

Answer 1

I hear ya. i don't think it's just a matter of trust, as other people are saying. I trust my fiance totally, but I still wouldn't want him even watching a stripper. I suggest calmly telling him that it would really upset you and suggest some alternative bachelor party ideas (ie bbq) and if he respects you, he won't do something that will hurt you. Worked for me.

Answer 2

Two things:

1. A bachelor/bachlorette party doesn't have to have strippers. I'm getting married at the end of the month and both my fiance and I are having parties. We're both doing the same thing for our parties. We're getting together with our closest friends and going camping. Bachelor/bachlorette parties don't have to be sleazy.

2. Why is it okay for him to go see strippers after you're married and not before? Once you're married, you've made a commitment to be faithful to each other. I feel like going to see strippers when you're married is braking that sanctimony. I, personally, could never marry someone who goes to strip clubs.

Answer 3

Having been married for almost three years, I personally would let him have the bachelor party. Marriage is all about trust. So if you are considering getting married trust should be a big thing to you. You should trust one another already, if you don't that sends him mixed messages. He thinks you trust him enough to marry him and spend the rest of your life together but you don't trust him enough not to do something stupid. Men's egos are extremely fragile so sending him a mixed message such as not letting him have the party kind of sours his look on maried life. I suggested it to my husband and his response was he didn't feel it was totally neccessary. He also said that if you've seen one stripper you've seen them all. I truly understand your concerns and they are completly rational at this time, but let him decide this. Matter of fact, I told my husband that if he didn't have a party I would send a stipper to his work and pay for it myself. Are you having a bachelorette party? If so, he should have the chance to do the same. My husband's comments were the opposite of what I expected, but give him the chance to prove to you that he is a big boy and whatever happens trust him to make the right decision. If you don't trust him then you shouldn't be rushing to the alter. Try marriage counseling with a minister about these things. It really helped me get through the first two years together. Our marriage was not a particularly easy one with a half mad family that is coniving and deceitful. We still catch flack for not inviting most of my mother's side of the family to the wedding. We had a small wedding with less than half of the invited(about 60) showing up (the grand total at our wedding was about 10). We had a blast and we are still very must in love with each other.. Our first year started off abusive and we both sort of leaned to other people in the object of cheating on each other, but over came that. Our second year was plagued with health problems and his friends getting in the way, until I was diagnosed with gall bladder stones, kidney stones, and a pregnancy two weeks later. We miscarried once in September at 8 weeks and again at 5 and half weeks in March. My mother recently passed away in April. Without a great deal of trust and love we wouldn't have made it through everything. Marriage is a life long committment not to be taken on lightly. Talk with him about your fears and see what he has to say about it. What his response might be may surprise you.

Answer 4

My own experiance with this is a little different. My future husband and his friends are rather big nerds and instead of booze and strippers they're having an all night video game marathon. *rolls eyes* ;) There will probably be beer there but of course it could be much worse. I dont mind at all.

So I guess it depends on what kind of man you have, or moreso perhaps what kind of friends your man has. I know I wouldnt be very comfortable with the booze and strippers type bachelor party. I guess it also depends on the trust level of your relationship. If he has had trouble in the past being faithful, or with drinking or has cold feet you may have to put your foot down.

I dont know... I dont really even like the whole idea behind such parties (ie: "the last night of freedom" or whatever), on the other hand I dont have to deal with that. So my opinion might not count. *Shrugs*

Answer 5

I have been to many bachelor parties as the entertainment with other girls and there are guys that are well behaved and then there are guys that want to hook up with one or more of the whores. I have heard negotiations go on with these girls and there was some prostitution going on payed for by the friends for the bachelor. Sometimes the bachelor is a filthy cheater and sometimes he is a good man and is just there to enjoy the show with out cheating. If a man is the type to cheat then he is going to do so whether he is at a bachelor party or not. Just have faith that you picked the right guy, and hope he can behave and not be pressured by his peers.

Answer 6

Would I "allow" my bf to have a bachelor party? Of course I would. I don't "allow" or "not allow" him to do anything. We're both adults and can make our own decisions. He's not my child.

There needs to be an element of trust in the relationship. My boyfriend knows what I wouldn't be comfortable with him doing and he'd stay away from that stuff. If your bf respects you enough, nothing will happen between him and any strippers - if there even are any!

Answer 7

Yes.

Bachelor, bachlorette, parent, siblings, neighbors, friends, co-workers, cousins, and anyone walking by who is friendly is good for a prenuptial party.

Rather than the strained very phony "traditional" bachelor party, try a garden party or a pre-wedding cook out.

You will have much more fun and it will be good memories and beat the fire out of a bachelor party all together.

Another nifty and better alternative is to invite all the families and friends to a park or resort over night or week end.

You will have a blast. The families will get to know you and have fun to remember and commemorate the marriage with, and it beats a sleazy costly nothing of a bachelor party altogether.

Answer 8

My husband had one. Maybe I'm just too laid back for my own good, but I really don't see what the big deal is. Personally, that would be the day that I "allowed" him to do something. It goes both ways, though - I don't need his "permission" to do things, either.

I trust him, 100%. That means that I trust him to be able to go out drinking with his friends and not do something disrespectful, and I certainly would trust him at his bachelor party.

I figured that if he didn't want to make the committment to spend the rest of his life with me and no one else, he wouldn't have proposed.

Yes, I do really trust him that implicitly. And yes, I expect (and receive) the exact same trust in return. If we can't trust each other, we have nothing.

Answer 9

If you don't trust your fiance not to get wild and crazy...why are you marrying him? You can't and have no right, to control a person's actions. This will only leave them angry and bitter. However, they should respect you enough to decide ON THEIR OWN that this wouldn't be a good idea. If you have expressed that you would have a real problem with your fiance having a smutty bachelor party with strippers, there is not much else you can do, but trust that they will love, honor and respect you enough to act in a decent way. Not allowing your fiance to go out with friends and family for a bachelor party would only be limiting him though and could cause other problems. Communication and trust are keys in this situation I think. Thats my 2 cents.

Answer 10

I would let him go as I am NOT his owner! You use the term "allow" here twice which gives the indication that you want to control him. You can tell him your thoughts and feelings about a bachelor party and the things you have heard that bother about what goes on at some parties.. not all parties, but you must trust this man before you marry him not after. It should be up to him, not you if he wants a party of this nature. Trust is very important in a marriage and this one is starting off on the wrong foot.