I've asked my best friend of 8 years to be my maid of honor. She was so excited and honored at first. I even asked her sister (another friend of mine) to be one of my bridesmaids. Now my problem is that i'm now 5 months away from my wedding and she wont return any of my emails or phone calls! We didnt get into any arguments and the last time we talked everything was fine...but now she wont give me the time of day! Should I forget about my dream to have her in my wedding, or should I keep calling and hoping for the best? HELP!!!!
2007-06-06 05:48:56 · 19 answers · asked by capshcky11 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I know she is still alive/ hasn't been kidnapped. She has been talking to our mutual friend who has been trying to get her to call me. He said that she is not mad at me...just lazy and bad at returning phone calls. I haven't even asked her to do anything for the wedding yet, cause we haven't talked in three months! help!
2007-06-06 09:02:06 · update #1
I had something VERY similar happen to me. One of my bridesmaids, a friend of 10 years, just stop returning my calls. She didn't help with the shower, which everyone else was helping with. She showed up to the shower 2 hours late, got food, and left. She didn't show up to a lunch I planned for all of us girls to talk over what we wanted to do & wear, etc. I would call a few times a week, leave messages, talk to her daughters, etc. She never called me back. About 3 months before the wedding I left a message with her daughter stating that if I didn't hear from her in a day or two, I was assuming she didn't want to be in my wedding, and to not bothing coming. She never called back. I got married in October and still haven't heard from her. My day was beautiful, and it didn't matter anymore that she wasn't there.
This friend of yours obviously doesn't treasure your friendship, or she'd find SOME way of at least contacting you to let you know what's going on. I would leave her a message telling her not to bother coming to the wedding. Ask another bridemaid who HAS helped you and been there for you to have the honor of being your MOH.
You don't need any more stress than you already have. And if she ends up in your wedding, you may have bitter feelings towards her for what she's put you through.
Good luck & congratulations!
2007-06-06 06:52:46 · answer #1 · answered by tokengrl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long has she been "ignoring" you? Is she actually missing (ie, you really don't know where she is or you haven't heard her voice in days), or if she just not talking about wedding stuff?
First, make sure she's okay, and hasn't been kidnapped, fallen ill, been hit by a truck, had a death in the family, had a nervous breakdown, etc. Tell her you were worried about her safety and wanted to make sure she was okay.
Once you've ascertained that, mention that you really need to talk to her about wedding plans, and tactfully ask if there is any reason she might be reluctant to talk about wedding stuff - the MOH are heavier or more expensive than she anticipated, she's having emotional issues about being single, she think you're going Bridezilla, she was hurt by something you said or did unrelated to the wedding. Try to work it out with her.
If she isn't up to the MOH duties, then ask her if she'd prefer if you elected someone else to replace her as MOH (she could still be a bridesmaid), or you could have two MOHs.
2007-06-06 06:09:45 · answer #2 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the other posters who suggest you call your MOH. I do not, however, agree that you should beat around the bush or leave a message saying you're going to drop her. Instead, you should call her & tell her that you are concerned that you haven't heard from her in a while. You are concerned about her & also concerned because it's getting close to the wedding and you want to make sure she's still planning on being there. Tell her you need to know by such & such date or you will, regrettably, have to ask someone else to stand in as your MOH.
No beating around the bush, no "I'm Kidding" messages. If you feel you need to know now, then you need to know now.
Look, I agree that your friend should be a little more sensitive to you right now & definately return your calls (that's just rude!)One thing to keep in mind is even though your life is basically revolving around the wedding right now, everyone else's life is going on as normal. She may be busy, etc. If you really want her in your wedding and she doesn't call you back, camp out on her doorstep. Do what you need to get an answer/closure.
2007-06-06 06:00:48 · answer #3 · answered by retropink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep calling but rely on her less. I had a bridesmaid do that and it was about 2 months before she called saying she wasn't coming to the wedding.
I mean she is your best friend of 8 yrs so I wouldn't just blow her off. After all you may be a bit emotional right now and not really the most objective judge of the situation.
However, if you rely on her to do too much stuff and she doesn't come through, it will ruin your wedding.
SO I'd try to take more of the responsibilites away from her, don't confront her, and see what happens. Nothing you can do about her behavior.
She might be upset that you are being so demanding and she has other things going on in life--her job or her relationship--that she can't talk to you about right now. Perhaps in a month or so, she'll have dealt with that and be all ready to be your MOH again.
2007-06-06 05:57:09 · answer #4 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, is that weird! I would send her one more e-mail or leave her one more phone message and be very blunt. Tell her that if you do not hear from her in two days or whatever, that you will assume that she is no longer interested in being your maid of honor and that you will be choosing someone else to replace her.
Personally, if it were me, I would just find someone else much more reliable. She might be the type that gets to the 11th hour of the wedding and is a no show and ruins everything. Sometimes things like this show us who our real friends are. It could be jealousy on her part too, if she is not married or does not have a steady guy.
2007-06-06 06:03:08 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been able to get a hold of her sister or other friends? Maybe something's going on with work or personal life. How long have you been trying to get in touch with her? Two weeks versus two months is a big difference. Definitely try talking to her sister if you can to see what's up before you leave a message sayings he's out of the wedding. It's sad to say but I've seen more than one friendship break up over a wedding so I would hate to see that happen with you. My guess is that something else is going on here.
2007-06-06 06:00:42 · answer #6 · answered by tink 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont give up on her she may have had some things going on that you dont know about.. give her the benefit of the doubt and give her another call but this time dont mention the wedding if you leave her a message say hey i havent heard from you in a while and im worried are YOU ok? and if she calls back and says she cant be in it or if she still doesnt answer then make a back up plan.. and talk to her sister maybe she has a clue whats going on with her..but you still have 5 months so dont just give up on her. if you want to have a friend be a friend and be there for her.
2007-06-06 05:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by B. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it would hurt to keep calling. It is a little insensitive of her to be treating you this way. BUT sometimes people get busy. I think that next time when you leave a voicemail you should say something like "hey! where have you been? I haven't talked to you in forever! Maybe you should call me back...or else I will have to get another maid of honor....pause...ha ha, just kidding" which in reality you really are kidding...but at least it puts the bug in her ear that you are contemplating the idea!! Good Luck!
2007-06-06 05:53:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would give her one chance..Instead of calling go see her..If you are unsuccessful. You need to reevaluate your relationship and whom you are calling your best friend..You are to close to the wedding and this is just the extra stress you do not need..I would re-assign my maid of honer and drop her.. But if you are HER best friend then you should go the extra step...Maybe she did something and doesn't know how to tell you.. Find out the issue before anymore time slips bye.. Good Luck Blessings to you Sprinkles
2007-06-06 06:03:17 · answer #9 · answered by Sprinkles C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i went through the same thing. if you read my ? it will explain what happened. no help from her, she was mia as well. the thing is, everytime i look at my wedding pictures now, there she is. a used to be "best friend" and all i do when i look at those is wish she would of/should of done this or that. if you're best friend isn't beating down your door to help....find someone else-don't learn it the hard way. good luck
2007-06-06 05:53:32 · answer #10 · answered by jess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋