Growing up, I always promised my cousin I would make her my maid of honor when I got married. However, lately I do not support her lifestyle. She doesn't have a job or car and does not seem to care about her future. She is also very immature. I love her to death, but I don't think she can handle the responsiblities of the job and she surely will not be able to afford the dress, shoes, etc.
At the same time, I have a best friend of 7 years. She is also friends with my cousin. She disapproves of her lifestyle too. We both agree she is headed down the wrong path. However, I really want her to be my maid of honor. She is responsible and someone I can rely on. She has a job and would be able to afford the dress with no problem.
Who should I pick? I'm worried about hurting my cousin's feelings, but she really isn't showing me her ability to be my maid of honor well. Also, I'm afarid of what our families will think. We are very close and I know my mother
2007-06-06 05:46:07 · 10 answers · asked by Answer Girl 2007 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
and aunt will say, "blood is thicker, than water."
2007-06-06 05:47:10 · update #1
I have no sisters
2007-06-06 05:51:29 · update #2
I should add: She hasn't worked in 6 months and dropped out of school. I've tried helping her, but she does not listen. She spends all her time with her trashy and emotionally abusive boyfriend. We have tried everything to get through to her, but she does not listen. Has been caught stealing. Family friends apoligize to me and say, "I feel sorry for you. Your cousin use to be such a great person"
2007-06-06 06:04:39 · update #3
Sounds like your mind is all made up. Why bother asking here? I would suggest you keep your family business to yourself though. You sound like you and your friend are delighting in kicking your cousin while she's down.
2007-06-06 07:51:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with the second poster....
Here's an idea:
give your friend Maid of Honor and your cousin another title...
in the procession, make her walk out first, in front and give her some responsibilities (not major ones, just crap that is ceremonial) so she won't feel bad
let her wear a dress she already has (like a prom gown or something) that won't be too conflicting with your wedding etc.
but listen: instead of just watching your cousin be a train wreck, why don't you take a hands on approach? tell her, I mean from your heart, that you love her and that she is going to look up and see one day that her life has come to nothing...find examples of people like her and show her
It sounds though like you aren't too concerned with hurting her feelings..in which case, go ahead and make your friend the Maid of Honor...but I suggest you do something to assuage your cousin's feelings...
She is your BLOOD and people do grow up and you don't want this rift in the family. It is not good for you or future children - a kind of karma thing.
Maybe you could ask your mom and aunt to pitch in on the dress because they know she isn't working and if they want her to be the Maid of Honor so badly then they should help....
Maybe you could give your friend a title and some duties and tell her honestly that your choice to make your cousin Maid of Honor was one of familial obligation.
Good luck.
2007-06-06 05:59:15 · answer #2 · answered by soulflower 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My best friend got married a couple of years ago and she was in a similar dilemma. So she decided to have 2 maids of honor. Tell your cousin upfront how much money she would have to spend on the dress/shoes and give her a list of all the responsibilities that she is going to have. Based on all of that she my opt out of the maid of honor roll. Hope this helps. Good luck
2007-06-06 07:54:33 · answer #3 · answered by Shansharloc 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both. I would ask them both to be maid of honor. After all, blood is thicker. And you will always be related to your cousin. But there is nothing that says they can't both be.
Explain that you know there are a lot of duties for a MOH and were worried that she would not be able to do it all with her job hunt taking up all her time. And if she starts to throw a fit, give her some responsibilities that you know she wont be able to live up to. Ask her to go wtih you dress shopping. Tell her you have an appointment with the caterer at 9am. If she keeps blowing you off, you can explain to her that you wanted her to be MOH but it appeared that she was overwhelmed and needed some assistance.
2007-06-06 05:51:22 · answer #4 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don’t think there’s a rule you have to have only one MOH. I would say if you could pick them both. I’ll also talk with your aunt to insure she could help your cousin with any financial needs.
My sister thought she was gonna have to chose between me and her best friend and in the end she just pick us both to MOH but I recently got married and now she has a maid and a matron of honor.
If you don’t want to go that route pick your friend and try to explain to your cousin that you still want her in your wedding and that you just feel because of her current situation it would be unfair to put all the responsibility on her.
2007-06-06 06:23:28 · answer #5 · answered by always_sweet_b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For my wedding my sister is my matron of honor, and my child hood best friend is my maid of honor. Luckily my sister got married so she could be the matron because if she were the moh nothing would get done. I wouldn't have had a bridal shower.... my sister is clueless, lazy, and doesn't care too much about my wedding. She also lives 3 hours north of me. MOH actually cares and is living up to her duties.
2007-06-06 06:08:38 · answer #6 · answered by Eternal Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would pick the friend and stick with not burdoning her with the financial aspects of it..and if your aunt has a problem with it very maturely express the same concerns you expressed here..and if your aunt is willing on your cousins behalf to step up to the plate with all your maid of honor has to do to plan and money for her dress.....
2007-06-06 05:56:31 · answer #7 · answered by becca9892003 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have the two of them.
You made a promise and you say you love her.
well just because you don't approve of her lifestyle, does not mean it is a bad lifestyle.
She might just have different priorities in her life to what is in your life.
What ever you decide have a great wedding.
2007-06-09 21:20:50 · answer #8 · answered by Lemonade 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch, got a sister or does your fiance have a sister??
I would pick your friend and if your aunt ask... just say you didn't want to burden her unemployed daughter and you really need someone who has a car in order to help you with things and meet at places.
That was my excuse for not having my fiance sister who just got off of welfare in the wedding.... I didn't want to burden her with all the expensive of a wedding.
2007-06-06 05:50:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
you can have two maid of honors so you don't offend anyone and just know that your friend will take care of the responsibility's
2007-06-06 06:18:52 · answer #10 · answered by jenn p 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋