When you lose a parent, does it seem to take FOREVER for it to totally hit you?

Question

I lost my mother 1 month ago. I feel like I've had a protective shell around me during her 8 month illness and then her death, but now that shell is crumbling and I am feeling the pain to the very core of my being. Is this "normal"? I feel awful physically and emotionally.

Answer 1

I'm so very sorry, please accept my sympathy.
Yes, it takes quite a while (6 weeks for me) for the sense of unreality to wear off and the reality of the loss to hit. It seemed to me like I was given time to get through the worst of the funeral and legal stuff before having to deal with my emotional reaction. I was very grateful for the respite, but when the pain did hit, it cut me off at the knees.
Don't be shy about looking for help, from your doctor or your family and friends or a support group. Grief is an extremely powerful emotion and it will not be denied; it will throw you into a clinical depression if you're not careful. In my experience, you have to work through it, you can't get around it.

Answer 2

My father passed away on July 9th 2006. It was the worst day of my life. It's almost as if it's not real at first and the pain it's just so horrible. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my daddy. I just miss him so much. it's pretty normal to feel awful both physically and emotionally. I never had a temper before and now I do. you have to keep busy go out with friends, eat at restaurants that you love, talk about your mom if you can. you just never stop missing them. I still tell my dad every day that I love him even though he's not here. I can't help it he was my best friend and I will never forgot him.

Answer 3

Let the shell crumble, you don't need it. The pain will never go away, but it will become tolerable. You are not the first, (or last) person to have to go through this. It can be done.
I'm dealing with this myself. Mother's day was tough, and I'm sure the anniversary will be too. You just move on. Do you really think she would want you to suffer too? She devoted her life to providing one for you, take advantage of it, and carry on in her memory. What helps me, is to keep reminding myself that she's not gone forever, she's just gone for now.
It does get easier. When you catch yourself saying or doing something that can be traced back to your mother...smile, because you know she is.
You'll never forget her, and as long as she's in your heart and in your head, she's not really that far away, is she?

Answer 4

First, my condolences for your loss. Yes, that is definitely normal. Especially with your loss just being a month ago. My father was very sick for a month before he passed. During that month, I was so focused on trying to be supportive that I don't think I was able to prepare myself for his death. Once he actually passed, it took a while for it to really hit me. Dealing with funeral arrangements and legal issues didn't allow much self time to think about it. For a while it seemed as if he was just away or that we hadn't spoken in a while. It wasn't until my cousin's wedding two months later when her father was walking her down the aisle that it really hit me.

So long reply short, what you're feeling and when you are feeling it is normal. Everyone deals with grief in different ways. And it will probably reoccur as special events come up or something happens that reminds you of her.

Answer 5

I am very sorry for your lost. I don't think any words can heal but somehow it does....it just takes awhile. So yes, it takes a long time because I think we want to keep the goodness of the person being around as long as possible. I lost my father the year I became a father and buried him a week before father's day. I don't think it has hit me yet, it's been almost 10 years! Your mother must be very very special. Take care.

Answer 6

Yes iTs Normal BcUz Ppl Deal Wit Death Differently So Yea U Gud

Answer 7

I hope it is normal, I lost my Dad a month ago, on the 4th of May. He was sick for 6 months, during that time I concentrated all my effort on his treatment and making him comfortable. Now I find myself in a huge fog of being "ok " one minute to feeling sick and numb the next. I am told I will probably never feel normal again, but will somehow find a "new normal".

Answer 8

I'm with you. My dad died in March after fighting cancer for 4 1/2 years. We were prepared, and for his last few days we knew it was coming. It was such a relief for him when he died that we were just happy for him. For me, it took a few days for it to finally sink in. When I visited my parent's house the first time it was VERY hard not to have him there. I miss him so much and I don't think we really get over loosing someone we love. For me, it was, and still is, hard to talk about him. I just think about him alot. Don't be afraid to cry and don't be ashamed for people to see you cry. Some very good advice I got was to write a journal. Write about your memories with your mom, even the "bad" ones. Write the things you want to tell her now. Write about how you feel. And most of all, just remember her.

Answer 9

Absolutely 100% normal. The hurt does fade some as time goes by, but beware of the 1 year anniversary that you may have increased sadness then.

Answer 10

I went through the same thing. It varies by the person. I go through some sadness sometimes when I think about my Dad who died a year and a half ago. It may never go away but release slowly. Don't question it, it's just the way you deal with it. Same with me.