It's over.... how can I make him understand?

Question

I've been with my bf for 4 yrs and in many ways I still care about him .... but I don't trust him anymore and I don't think I ever will again. He has given me lots of reasons not to trust him and I really don't think that there is anything left of our relationship worth salvaging. I've tried explaining this to him but he insists that we can "work this out" and that he loves me and that we should stay together. He has been saying that he wants to get married and he's asked me several times what I would say if he proposed. I told him flat out that I do NOT want to get married to ANYONE because I don't want to come home from work one day to find my husband with another woman or anything like that. I've always had a hard time trusting people.... I don't even trust my own parents. How can I make him see that there is no future for us and I just want to be alone forever? He wont listen and when I try to break up with him he freaks out and refuses to accept it

Answer 1

The best way to get someone to understand that it is over is to walk away. stop talking to him, email, text, seeing him....thats the only way he will get the message. the more you see him, talk to him etc, the more it gives him hope. honesty is a huge thing in a reltaionship and i can see why you feel hurt and don't want to go through that ever again, but no person is theri own island. everyone needs companions and friends....if you can't trust your man, then you probably aren't trusting your friends, your family and maybe even yourself. you need to work on forgiveness (even if you are justified in the way you feel) and try opening up again when you feel the time is ready.

Answer 2

You need to stop talking to him. It's very difficult but this is nearly the case for everyone. If you have been with someone for 4 yrs...and you loved him with everything in your soul...you shared such a closeness. You can't just move on and hang out as if none of that ever happened. You can't be "friends". All that will always be there in both of your minds.

You need to just go away. Don't answer the phone; don't see him. Don't get together on w/es. It's over has to mean its over. If you are still talking to him and allowing yourself to enter conversations about relationships, then how can you expect him to think anything BUT that there is a possibility of working it out?

If you don't trust him that is reason enough. You don't want to marry someone you don't trust. Why do you need a reason? What is the point in staying with someone 4 yrs, 5 yrs, 6 yrs--if you already know he isn't the one. What if you get back together for another year--and in that time you could have met the man of your dreams. You bumped into him, you spoke, but b/c you were with a guy that you KNEW wasn't right for you--you didn't start something with the most perfect guy.

What if you denied this boyfriend--the guy you've been with for 4 yrs who you love truly--the opportunity to meet his Ms Right, the perfect girl for him, all b/c you allowed him to continue panting after you when you knew it wasn't going to lead to anything? Wouldn't you feel guilty at denying him that happiness?

Just end it. Let it go. Don't look back. You already know it isn't right. Don't draw it out into years and years of making this boyfriend wish he could make you love him enough.

Answer 3

You need to learn to accept and in every daily life's we do, big or small have certain risks in it.
It seem u have been thru a sense of insecurity since childhood.
and spending 4 yrs with him without trust,is amazing unbelievable
To trust a person, you need to have self confidence and positive outlook.
Maybe need a psychologist to talk too.Living on like these is rather unhealthy.

Answer 4

ok i would give him another chance because i just lost the only love i have ever had because almost of that same reson and he might really love you but im not saying marrie him just stay wit him another chance and if he can prove to you that you can trust him then go from there if you all have been together for that long dont throw it away like that cause you might not find another one like him in your life he might be your true love and it would suck if you lost that i already lost mine and that is why i am here helping people here i dont want the same thing to happen to other people nthat happened to me just cause i couldnt save my relation ship doesnt mean i cant help save yours

Answer 5

Tell Him U Dnt Like Him N E More & Dat U Dnt Wish 2 Keep Seeing Him. Ansd iF He Continues 2 Harass U, U Will Report Him 2 Da Police.

Answer 6

Tell him just because you might be the right girl for him, doesn't mean he is the right guy for you. Tell him if he really loves you, he will let you go.
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If he still wont leave you alone, then get another guy and hang out around him. He will see that you are actually telling the truth. But don't beat up the poor guy, he just got out of a really long relationship, and he may need a while to get over it.

Answer 7

You just have to stick to your guns. If you say it's over, then it's over. He can talk all he wants but it's still over. The hard part and the most important part is that you stay strong. Don't let him manipulate you into one more conversation, or one more date. Every time you do the "one more" anything it'll be that much harder for you to finally rid yourself of him. He is acting like a child so you have to treat him like one. No means no.

Answer 8

it sounds like he doesn't give up on your relationship. but if it's over and he wouldn't except it try changing your number or when he calls hang up on him or when he stops by close the door in his face. these might help you get the point across. or even tell his parents that you tried talking to him and he just doesn't went to listen to you when you tell him it's over could they talk to him. or even get a restraining order on him. if he's not listening to you maybe he will listen to someone else or if you show him that you don't went to be with him then he might get the picture. hopes this helps. good luck.

Answer 9

You could flat out not talk to him. If he doesn't see that you're over, you may just need to cut him off of communication. Tell him if he wants to stay friends, he has to stop with that bs or else you can't talk. IF he can't accept that, then you have to stop talking to him.

Answer 10

sleep with someone else and tell him you did it or have the guy in the house with you (giving him a professional) while your b/f comes home or soon to be ex-b/f then he'll know it's OVER