shall i live with my dad?...?

Question

ALL THROUGH MY DIFFICULT LIFE WITH MY MOTHER I JUST WANTED TO LIVE AND SEE MY FATHER.MY MOTHER KEEPS ME FROM THE THE WORLD. BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT NOBODY KNOWS WHERE MY FATHER IS AND I REALLY WANT TO MEET HIM. MY BLOOD BROTHER OMARR FEELS THE SAME WAY THAT I DO. WE JUST REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW. HOW DO I FIND MY FATHER? AND HOW DO I TELL MY MOTHER I WANT TO START A NEW LIFE WITHOUT HER?

Answer 1

You know nothing at all about your father, but you somehow think your life will be better if you live with him?

It could be. It could be much, much worse.

Your happiness is not controlled by others. It is all in your own hands. Take what each day brings you and find the joy in it.

It's natural to be curious about your father. It's natural to fantasize about some kind of magic that will make everything better in your life. But, your reality right now is that you know nothing at all about him, who he is, why he doesn't know you.

Take it one step at a time. First, ask your mom, aunts, uncles, family friends, about him. Do it with respect and kindness to your mother, but with confidence. Find out how to contact him. Then, do that with respect and empathy.

Then, see what happens next.

But, in the meantime, find your own joy right there in the life that you are living.

Answer 2

I just want to say, no matter what---you only get 1 mother. Cherish her on that level even if she's the pits. Now, to find your father you're going to need to know his full name, his birthdate and his last address. Check with the license bureau in your town to see when he last had one. If you can get or already know his social security number use that. But first of all, ask someone else who'd know about your father besides your mother, and find out if maybe there's a valid reason why she's kept you apart. It could be that that was in your best interests and I can't answer that. And if things are that bad between you and your mom, you need to flat out let her know how you feel and what your plans are and I hope i've given you the right advice. Good luck,

askaman

Answer 3

You’ve never even met him and yet you want to move in with him? It sounds like you know nothing about this man other than the fact that he (apparently) abandoned you. Yes, he’s sounding like a real gem of a dad so far (hear the sarcasm in my voice?).

If you live in the U.S. (and the laws may be different if you live in another country)...

Even if you find Dad, you can’t just move in with him. In fact, you can’t even see him unless Mom agrees to allow it.

In order for you to move in with him, Mom would have to allow it OR he would have to petition the court for custody. I can tell you right now that he won’t get custody, even if you are allowed to tell the court that you want to live with him. The man is a stranger to you. No court will take custody from a mother and give it a father whom the child has never even met, UNLESS the mother is completely unfit (which has to be proven, and it takes A LOT to prove it) and there is no one else to take you in (no other family members).

I suggest that instead of maintaining these dreams of a perfect father (because he’s far from it if he’s chosen not to be part of your life) that you deal with whatever problems you’re having your mother and focus on resolving those.

Answer 4

Let me start by saying the grass is not always greener on the other side of the street - for a while I felt the same way and I was raised with both parents until their separation when I was 8, so I knew both parents, my dad started living with a younger woman who was horrible at parenting and I was abused physically by her, and made kinda the slave of the family. I was better off with my mother who was not the greatest parent, but she never abused me in any way, we understood each other and I knew how to successfully survive in her household.

I have to be honest if your dad really wanted to be a part of your life you would not have to find him.....but if you insist on finding him start with your relatives on your fathers side.

Good Luck

Answer 5

He may or may not be the man you're imagining.
If your mom is being protective, she maybe your best bet at a future that's worth anything. If she's disfunctional (neglects you, drinks, does drugs, etc), then you need to try and find your dad.
I don't know anything about your mom, so I can't give you any advice, but if you can, try to see things from a neutral view and judge your mom based on that, make sure it's not on whether or not she's too strict. See if she's a fit parent and wants you to do well or not. If she's doing her best for your future, stick with her. If she's a mess herself, then find him and see if he's any better.

Answer 6

Nobody will ever love you like your mother. Think about the sacrifices she has made for you and your brother and think about what leaving would do to her. As a new mommy myself I cannot imagine a life where my child wasnt around. So, as long as you arent abused, give your mom a chance. If you Dad is not around and you dont know him....why would you want to go live with him? He obviously didnt care enough about you or your brother to stick around to raise and support you? Being a single mom is hard, try to see it from your mom's point of view.
I JUST DONT SEE WHY YOU WOULD WANT TO FIND A MAN WHO LEFT YOU?

Answer 7

You don't know your father so it's impossible to tell if you even like him or if life with him is safe, much less preferable. At this point, you definitely should NOT consider it. Quite frankly, dear, if he wanted to be in your life, he probably could be. The chances are that he doesn't want to be involved.

All teens go through difficult times with their custodial parents. This too shall pass.

Answer 8

oh **** this is hard ... what if ur mom is trying to protect u ... and ur dad hes not even there and he has shown no interest in u .... myabe what u should do is talk with ur mother about the whole keeping u out of the world ... if this dosent work then do what u feel u want to do .. but remeber ur moms feeling si dont thinks shes bad ... becuaase things can be weorst .. besides u dont even know how ur faher is .. what if hes an abusive alcoholic ... look ust stick to ur mom she cant be bad

Answer 9

do some research about your father's last residence or ask your mom where he was last before the split and start there,just tell your mom you want to meet your father to see where you come from,keep asking until she tells you she might break and just let you now,don't tell her you want to start a life with him because she may never let you know anything....above all if you don't know a thing at all and your other family members wont tell you anything then your best source is your mom.....she knows something about his where-abouts

Answer 10

Your mother was the one that stayed with you. I think you would break her heart if you told her that. She was the one there when you were sick, needed diapers changed, fed you, and gave you clothes on your back. Of course it is good to know who your father is, but you need to think about it this way. Your mom needs to be appreciated for everything she has done for you, but let her know you want to know who your father is, and i'm sure she might even help you with the situation. Your father may or may not be a good person but keep your mom in your heart, she loves you, and just wants to protect you. I'm a mom and my sons don't have a father in their lives. so I know.