I went to live back home with my parents after a serious break up, Me and my boyfriend are back together and we are planning to get married in about 6-9 months. I want to wait till i get married to leave their house again. But they are financially abusing me, they want me to pay for everything help them with everything and they are compulsive gamblers. I know they are my family and i need to help them, but i have to look out for my future, with my new husband, i havent been able to save at all for this wedding because of them. Should i just get married through court and leave, or should i find a away to tell them im leaving the house? PLEASE HELP.
2007-06-06 02:44:21 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You answered it yourself. Just get hitched and go. Any advanced warning will only lead to hard feelings and they will no doubt attempt to put you on a guilt trip about leaving. Its time you start looking out for yourself. They're adults; its their problem, not yours, and it is not your responsibility to correct them.
2007-06-06 02:50:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First not sure how old you are. I say that because of your statement about getting married through court and leave. Second, you didn't asked to be born. You aren't obligated to take care of your family like that.
Third, if you move out to begin your new life with your husband to be, won't their (your parents) dependency on your finances follow you anyway?
Fourth, if you are not financially able to plan a wedding because of their needing your money.
Fifth, you have 6-9 months before you tie the knot. Spend that time planning. If you haven't already, open a bank account and have your paychecks direct deposited. When they ask for money tell them you are broke. Pay your share of whatever bills they've asked you to help with, in cashiers checks or money orders. This way you will have proof of payment from a reliable source. Once you've paid your share, then as far as they know you are broke.
You should have your mail sent to your fiance's place or get a PO box.
I had a similar problem with one of my parents. Doing those things that I suggested (above), will help you in the long run. When you are ready to move then just do it. This should be the last time though. The next time things don't work out with your and your other half, you should stand on your own two feet. Stay independent. Learn to say "no" when it's appropriate.
Also, if you two went through a serious breakup not too long ago, you should consider some counselling before getting married. You can get counselling through your local church, or if you have benefits through your job, you can go that route. Make sure that you do this before marriage.
Again, good luck to you.
2007-06-06 10:02:36 · answer #2 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm assuming you're an adult - or at least of age.
I'm also assuming you're in the US.
OK. Let's talk about your parents and their addiction to gambling.
First. You are not responsible for their financial problems. They are.
Second. You are not obligated to help them unless they get help for their gambling problems. The "help" you are giving them is called enabling and that's not good.
Third. They need to take responsibility for their actions and choices and not depend on you for their habits.
I also urge you to go to gamblers anonymous. Not because you are a gambler - but because you are the child of gamblers. They can help you through the hurdles of dealing with gamblers in your life.
Fourth. Break up with this boyfriend for good. You're not ready for marriage yet. There are too many issues you need to deal with to make a success of marriage. Move out on your own - that means by yourself. Get your life back together.
Finally, after a few years of being on your own, you will be more grounded and ready for marriage. AND, if this guy is worthy of a good girl like you, he'll wait and support your need to get your life back together. If he pressures you to marry him - don't. That kind of man has issues of his own that can be really awful - sooner rather than later.
Be on your own for a while honey. You'll be a better wife afterwords.
2007-06-06 10:08:16 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You make it sound like you are paying their mortgage and bills??
I wouldn't want to stay in a place where I was being used!
Just Move out, Surprise them I bet they'll like that!!
While you're at it show them this pOfting and while you seem to know everything is the best time to move out!
Get into the reality of things and find out the true cost and responsibilities of living on your own.
Lots os sarcasm here but I believe for good reason you will have to learn from the school of hard knocks
By they way Good Luck!!
2007-06-06 09:54:35 · answer #4 · answered by mes210 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, do you want to walk down the aisle? If so, go to a wedding chapel and get married there. It wouldn't cost that much and it is like going to the courthouse except to much prettier. As for your parents, you should go ahead and just move out. That way, you can take care of what you need to. Don't tell them until you do, so that they won't try to hose you down before the move.
2007-06-06 09:49:30 · answer #5 · answered by cinnatigg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
COMMUNICATE!!!! have a talk with your parents and let them know what's going on.....if they still feel like you need to be financially responsible for everything and you feel you need to move out then say "ok well then i'm going to move out".....try to work out a compromise though, maybe if they know you're planning a wedding they'll back off a bit and maybe help you out......whatever you do, don't just pack up and leave one day....make sure you are up front with them
2007-06-06 09:48:11 · answer #6 · answered by sxyitlngrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to tell them you are leaving to preserve your relationship with them and hopefully things will improve when you move out rightly or wrongly they are still your parents and it is a bond we should try and protect however they are taking advantage of you and i would have a talk with them explain how you feel and the fact you have no money as you are paying for their gambling rather than saving for the most important day of your life
most parents are desperate to help fund their kids wedding
if you speak to them and things still dont get better just move out youll be much better off
2007-06-06 09:50:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave them your key and a note with your new phone number on the kitchen table.
2007-06-06 09:48:03 · answer #8 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would get married through the court and leave
2007-06-06 09:47:36 · answer #9 · answered by Katie Noble 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do whatever u think would make u most happy
2007-06-06 09:48:35 · answer #10 · answered by blabber_mouth626 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋