What should I do about my mom and my wedding?

Question

My mother always told my sister & I growing up that if we did not have a big wedding her & my dad would help my sister & I with a down payment on a house. My fiance & I are going to be married April '08, but we are buying our home in January b/c our apartment lease will be up. I recently asked my mother if her & my dad could give us the money before our wedding so we could have a better downpayment on our home. She said that would be fine at 1st and then 2 days later she told me it was not nice of me to ask for the money before our wedding. I said well if I was having a big wedding you would be helping me out now. I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat or anything. Everything would have been fine if she would have never told us that she would help us out with a down payment. She is helping my sister out now with her wedding. I don't know why she won't help me out with a home. I don't know what I should do please help me out.

Answer 1

sorry you are sounding spoiled.
just be thankful they offered that option to you!
maybe they dont have the money right now, and need time to save up more

Answer 2

OK the dates aren't adding up. August 8 2007 is BEFORE January 2008. So you will have been married already. What's the problem here?

AND - You don't say what your dad says about all this - just your mom.

That said, well, you could speak with the landlord about a month-month lease so you can get married August 8 - and then ask Mom/Dad for the money for the house after the wedding.

OR you could just go ahead and get married now - instead of August - since you were planning a small wedding anyway what's the big deal?

But I rather believe that if you're old enough to get married and buy a house, you're old enough to do it on your own. Completely on your own. Don't depend on your folks.

for whatever reason, your mom changed her mind. Accept that.

Answer 3

It's never right to go back on a promise. It may be hard for you to see right now but there may be alot of pressure on your parents right now with spending money on your sister's wedding. I am also trying to plan a wedding, but finding it's very hard to keep the costs under $15,000(for the traditional church/ hall reception). If your parents did not save or budget for your sister's wedding, they are probably biting the bullet right now.
Iam a little confused though to hear that you are RELYING only on your parents to pay for the wedding. Five of my best friends and I are engaged and planning a wedding for the next year. We all are putting in a chunk of money to pay for our weddings. My best advice would be to postpone the wedding untill your parents can recover, or do what many couples are doing today, and save to pay for your own wedding. P.S. Dont read wedding magizines, they will only make you feel poor, also, save lots of mula and forget the worthless guest gifts...who saves those anyway????? Good luck girl!!!!!!!

Answer 4

It's really not a good idea for you and your sister to be planning a wedding at the same time it's hard financially you can't expect your parents to do both. Your mom obviously chose to help your sister right now and there is really nothing you can do maybe offer to pay it back out of wedding money gifts you receive good luck

Answer 5

You should not rely on anyone to pay for your wedding or give you money for a wedding, even if they did say they would help you out!

Set aside money each month into a wedding account and use your refunds towards the wedding and for other homey finances.

Their finances are probably tight. If I were you I would be a good daughter and not gripe about them not giving you money anymore and work on paying off your wedding yourselves.

Answer 6

just go about your own business and don't include her in on it anymore. if she asks then tell her not to worry, that the 2 of you are taking care of it. be nice to her, but don't ask her again. you may get a nice wedding gift, and be able to put that toward your new house. also, don't worry about what she has said she would do for you in the past. things change. and don't worry about what your sister is getting, just think of it as that you are going to be better prepared in the future for when things like this come up than your sister. congrat, and good luck.

Answer 7

at the start, it is your special occasion so do what you desire. Secondly - do you already know the place you have become married? if so, they could have a undeniable shade on the partitions you need to use? in case you like Maroon yet think of it fairly is too wintery, what approximately purple? purple and Ivory pass amazing for weddings. you have got purple and cream roses for you flora etc and you may incorperate the sage green with the greenery? calm down and take a breather. placed all your strategies onto a great peice of paper and spot what is going - like a scrap e book. sit down which contain your HTB and artwork out what you the two like and be certain from there. in the adventure that your mum in regulation to be likes green - she will placed on that for the marriage herself! it is your day, your decision. do no longer enable human beings intervene with what's meant to be the main considered necessary day of your existence. It must be what you like. or you will remorseful approximately it. i've got related an internet site that shows the purple and white/ivory fairly precise and it seems summery too. good luck x

Answer 8

the best advice I can give you is just do it on your own. Sure, it may be harder, and you may not get exactly the house (or wedding) you would have with her financial support, but in the end you can pat yourself on the back for a job well done and be PROUD that everything you have is YOURS that you did for yourself.

My mother was somewhat the same way at my wedding, she volunteered to pay for things, then refused to pay for them unless they were EXACTLY what SHE wanted!! She even backed out of paying for my dress when I chose a style that wasn't her first choice!!!

Luckily I was blessed with in-laws that helped out just because they wanted to, and that was really really nice, but in the end we did without any financial support from my parents and I was glad we did. I got to choose what I wanted for myself and not be bothered for years to come that I compromised what I wanted for what she wanted just because she was paying for it.

We tried to be more diplomatic and accept help when we bought our first home, and took my dad up on his offer to sell his house to us cheap (it was a little starter home and kind of run down, but it was going to help him AND us) Looking back, that was one of the worst decisions I ever made!! The house had sooo many problems (some of which he had to have known about) and we lost a ton of money just getting it able to sell.

So I guess my final answer, after living through it, is that if it's possible to do it on my own, I do. No regrets, no one to hold it over my head ("well I gave you the money for that you know so you owe me!") If it's not given freely, with no strings attached you don't want it anyway!

Answer 9

I agree, do it alone. If they wind up giving you any money towards the house just apply it to your principle balance.

Never depend on anyone but yourselves, its a hard lesson to learn and even harder to accept that the people you want to count on may not be there for you, so try to never depend on anyone that way you will never put yourself in the position to be disappointed.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

Things just change over the years.
You and your bf pay for the wedding yourselves, and handle buying your home on oyour own. You two are adults, and should handle your own business. Don't put the burden on your mom.