Am I a crappy mom?

Question

I was abused as a child, and my parents were poor and overextended with a HUGE family.I am very vigilante about being a good mom.
I am a single Mom, and get No financial,emotional,or other help fom my sons' daddy. He is a bi polar addict, and Ive given up hope of any normal life with him as a co parent.
My question deals with my stress. Sometimes in the mornings, I wake up, give my 2 year old his bottle, put in a video, and relax on the couch while he plays. I have a hard time being chipper, and I dont like the toddler rough play that early.I wish i could be Judy homemaker...but, I do snap at him sometimes, and I discipline him strictly, because I know if I dont it will hurt him more in the long run to be bratty and unmanageable. .

Answer 1

Just ask yourself if you can do better. If the answer is yes, then take it a step at a time.

Good luck

Answer 2

No you are not a bad mom, but the 2 year old having a bottle is wrong, I was also abused as a child for 8 years and it happened to my sister a couple of times. She is a single mom, and she just moved to further her career and now makes 11.50 a hour supporting her two children, she is also getting help from the state to help pay for heath insurance for the children and childcare assistance. I would move where it is cheaper to live and find a job which pays more than your now job. A new place and life will be better. If you don't leave you'll continue to be depressed and not wanting to have a fun loving life with your 2 yr old.

Answer 3

No I dont think your a crappy mom. I wasn abused as a child, but I am a single mother who doesnt want anything to do with my son's father, so I dont accept his money or anything, and I will only let my son see him when my son is old enough to understand what happend to his daddy. Im not stressed out tho, my son is 13 months old. But I do feel that I need to know that its hard to have to be the authority figure, and the nuturing figure at the same time. All Im worried about is that he knows that I love him. I give him hugs and kisses all the time and I make sure I encourage good behavior, and when hes bad, yes I do sometimes get angry and snap at him and I do discipline him (not hitting) for his own good in the future..

So if you give your son love all the time, and encourage his good behavior, and you discipline him when he does something bad, he will understand that he is doing something wrong and you're not just being mean all the time..

Good luck

Answer 4

Being a parent, and a single one, is by far the hardest and most rewarding job you will ever have. My son is going to be 5 this year, and it's gotten easier, but sometimes, I am just like PLEASE, just give me TWO MINUTES, lol. His dad died while I was pregnant with him in a car accident, so I really feel like i was so depressed when he was born, I didn't get to fully enjoy him. It didn't help that he didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months old. :-) Give yourself 15 minutes a day to decompress and relax. Read a short story, look through a magazine, whatever. I know, it's sooo hard. I now live with my boyfriend, and let me tell you, it is FABULOUS to be able to run out to the store for 10 minutes alone. See if there is a single mom's group in your area, that you could trade babysitting a few hours a week with. Most of all, keep your head up and GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

Kids need disciple but some parents go way overboard and what they think is tough love disciple can actually be abuse. I'm not saying you abuse your son because I don't know you. Just remember teach him right from wrong but don't treat him in a way that you wouldn't want to be treated. Alot of times former abused kids do the same thing to their kids. It's kind of like saying what you couldn't say back then. I'm sure you didn't like the abuse so don't put him through any. He is going to be a man some day, since his father is absent you are his teacher! You need to show him how to be a good man! Just try to hold your tongue, after all he didn't ask to be here just like you didn't ask for what you got. I grew up poor and lonely, I give my kids everything I didn't have as a child. A child's life is priceless. He is only going to be a child for so long make his childhood much better than yours! Good luck! Take care!

Answer 6

We all have those days. As a matter of fact, when I wake up, I make my kids breakfast, turn on Dora, and let them eat, then watch a little tv, while I get my coffee fix.

Being a parent is stressful, no doubt about it. Being a single parent, your stress level must be off the charts. At least you realize that you are snapping at him, and maybe can work to fix it.

Just an idea, when you feel your blood starting to boil, start counting backwards from 99 before you yell. It will give your mind a second to re-evalutate things, and maybe you won't snap, just discipline.

Answer 7

I'd give yourself at least 15 minutes a few times a day to do something YOU want to do. If you don't take care of yourself, you will become more and more stressed out.

Take that time and do something other than just sit on the couch. Give yourself a facial, do your nails, read a good book, etc. - a treat for yourself to make you feel better. Then pop in an exercise video and you both can have fun jumping around - it's a great stress reliever and something you can do with your son.

Answer 8

You are not a crappy mom. You are working at this job with no support or formal education(none of us do) so of course it is stressful to function as a great mom. You are a great mom if you give him your time and "good" touches and words. My mistake was to let my grogginess get the worst of me and I raised my son with a crabby voice. He was a bit wild and hyper, so it always seemed to bother me.

I found that gentle voices and reaffirming hugs and pats on the back showed him support and gave him confidence. the bad stuff was explained and he went to the "bad seat", which is just the sofa without a TV playing or a chair in the corner.

Reward the good, discipline and eliminate the bad behavior. This is easy to say but if you try this gradually, you will find a positive difference in his cooperation. He will appreciate the rewards and avoid the "bad seat" for awhile.

Answer 9

To me, it almost sounds a bit like you are fighting some depression. Hell I wouldn't blame you for it either. You aren't running the easiest obstacle course out there by any means. If you are worried about what you are doing or not doing, never be afraid to talk to your family doctor to let them know how you are feeling. Sometimes just talking about it can make things a bit easier and sometimes it may require some medicine, which does NOT mean you are not a good mother. Chin up hun.
Also, see if you can find a single parents group in the area. They really do wonders and everyone has a trick up their sleeve that you may be able to use.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, we carry the past into the present. Your job now is to try to make an effort not to repeat the past. Everytime you see yourself bringing wrongs from the past back to life, you must step aside and move forward in a new way. Then you build a better future for yourself and your children. It's hard, but not impossible. You will catch yourself failing at times, but don't despair, just look forward. When you see yourself as a failure, realize that your parents weren't perfect either, and as you forgive and overlook the past with them, you can become better and put a stop to the perpetuation of the dysfunctional family.

Answer 11

I don't think you are a crappy mom at all, I think you are doing what you have to do to get by. What you are doing is a very very hard thing to do and it's all on your own, you should be commended for your strength. yes, I can understand it is very hard to be chipper in the morning, but when you look at your child, think of how blessed you are to have them - they grow up so fast and so quickly. I know every morning when I wake up and see my son, it puts a smile on my face even when I am exhuasted and stressed. It's hard not to be like that, but try to always be positive and it will show. good luck to you.