My best friend from college happened to get engaged in Nov and her wedding is 1 month after mine. Her Bridal Shower is June 23 and I had plans set that afternoon my future sister in law....the shower is like and hour and a half from where I live and I fear I wont have enough time to make my previous plans. (and even if I did it would be by the skin of my teeth). Am I terrible for not wanting to go to the shower? I'm her bridesmaid, and she's mine, but its so far away...(not to mention I'm having a feeling this might be my bachelorette party and my friend didnt make it to my shower- not that this part plays any role in my decision)
2007-06-06 02:12:43 · 16 answers · asked by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I cant cancel my other plans because I have a string feeling this is my bachalorette party...not to mention I had these plans for a month now even if it isnt.
2007-06-06 02:20:20 · update #1
Her party is a surprize...
2007-06-06 02:33:46 · update #2
I think my SIL's plans is my bachaelorette party and I know my friends party is her surpirze shower thrown by her aunt...I know this sounds so simple but gosh..it's all a lot for a day lol. (sadly if these events do both happen on the same day she obviously wont be comming to my bachalorette party)
2007-06-06 02:39:25 · update #3
This is tricky, but I think you should make every effort to go to the shower, even if its just to make a short appearance.
No you are not terrible for not wanting to go, but wanting and doing are different things, and I do think you should put in at least an hour of face time for your friend. Just explain to her that you have plans in place for some of your wedding planning (of course she will understand as she is going through the same stuff) and that you will only be able to go for a while, maybe during the food and toasts part and then you will have to slip out when they begin opening the gifts.
There are just some obligations that you cant wriggle out of, the shower is one of them. She missed your and you know how you felt, you dont want her to feel the same way. (and I can tell it bothered you because you made it a point to tell us that she didnt attend yours)
2007-06-06 02:22:06 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I always vote for open and honest. Tell your friend that you have plans for that afternoon. You'll be able to tell by her tone if it upsets her. If she seems really upset when you said you won't make it, then you can say you won't be able to stay for the whole shower--just the first hour. An hour and a half is a long way for just a 30 min visit though. Why don't you go see her early--like 10oclock. The two of you can talk, hang out, you don't feel like you drove 1.5 hr for nothing, and she feels as if you supported her. Then when the shower is starting, you stay a few minutes then leave. You'll be able to make your plans with your future SIL .
However since you say you have a feeling this might be your bachelorette party--she definitely needs to know this ahead of time. Though I wouldn't get my hopes up. She is getting married one month later--it probably is her actual shower. (You guys should have a joint bachelorette party--easier on everyone)
Having weddings so close together, you 2 are going to have to realize that you can't be there for everything. Sometimes she is going to have a meeting with a caterer and can't come help you. And sometimes you can't answer the phone and sooth her worries b/c you are driving to the reception hall to figure out how many extra tables you need to rent. If you 2 are close, you will understand what a busy time it is for both of you.
However it would be exceptionally rude to just not show up. An hour and a half isn't that far for a best friend. If it were me personally, I'd reschedule with a friend/SIL b/c this is probably the only shower. It's a lot bigger deal. Sorta like how you go to a cousin's graduation instead of dinner with a buddy. It's a level of priorities. But especially if you turn out to be right. You shouldn't surprise a bride with a bachelorette party. You don't know her schedule and everything shes got going on. Plus your future SIL should be invited to it as well.
Like I said--I'd see the friend that morning, leave shower early, and go see SIL. That keeps everyone happy.
2007-06-06 02:30:27 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you just do not want to go. I understand that you made a prior commitment but you can still attend even if you may have to leave the shower early....besides if your future sister-in-law was planning a bachelorette party the same day wouldn't all of your bridesmaids attend the party? This is your friend right?
2007-06-06 02:27:33 · answer #3 · answered by DK 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on what your other plans are. If you're going to a wedding or another really important function that you've already committed to, then there's not much you can do (I had to miss my best friend's wedding shower - and I was the maid of honor - because I had a final exam that same day in college and my professor wouldn't let me make it up if I missed it) about it. But if it's something unimportant, I think it's your duty to be at your friend's wedding shower. I think you should cancel your other plans if this is the case - it would be the right thing to do.
2007-06-06 02:18:06 · answer #4 · answered by crabbyone 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really really would try to do both. So you'll have a long day but think about what you'd like her to do for you...even if she wasn't able to do it....if your bachelorette party and her shower happen to be the same day, just deal with it. go to the shower late or leave early. something can be worked out. I think it would just look really bad if you didn't go to the shower.
2007-06-06 02:57:59 · answer #5 · answered by Des 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let both parties know that you will either have to show up late or leave early depending on what time the parties are.
Maybe one or the other could reschedule. If you are both bridesmaids at each other's weddings, then for sure you will want to be at both parties - her shower and your hen night.
Be sure not to drink yourself into a stupor at either event.
2007-06-06 02:27:23 · answer #6 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
go to your friends shower and just stay for a little bit then leave tell her that you had other plans made in advance but didn't want to miss her shower.
2007-06-06 14:47:37 · answer #7 · answered by bubbles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummmm, if this was your bachelorette party, dont you think your friend, who happens to be one of your bridesmaids, would be going to your bachelorette party as well? I bet it is not your bachelorette party like you think....just a thought
2007-06-06 02:26:21 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs.A 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad!
Its far away, you've had plans for a while for that night.
However you could always try to go and stay, just leave early.
2007-06-06 04:58:30 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being petty. Go to your friends shower even if you have to show up late!
2007-06-06 02:16:52 · answer #10 · answered by bookfreak2day 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋