What should i do? Ex has a new boyfriend, and i still love her?

Question

I´m 19y/o and so is she...We have been together for 4 years.. and we have been friends our whole lifes... she was my first gf and i was her first bf..

but now.. three weeks ago she dumped me.. used some stupid "I´m doubting of the love i feel for you" reason for me to break up with her.. she knows i cant stand doubts... cause such a thing doesnt exist when love is the matter... there´s always someone else...

and indeed.. yesterday i found out she was hanging hands with another guy(the one she told me she liked, her classmate)... but i´m still in love with her.. and i´ve been trying to get over her.. looking for new people.. but i have these encountered feelings.. hate for the betrayal and love cause of our relationship.. she didnt respectd the fact i was still inlove with her.. and neither respectd our full time relatioship... i´m just guessing.. if she tries to comeback(cause she does feel guilty) should i reject her cause she mite do the same thing again or just welcome her back?

Answer 1

I think this is a good time to just find out how you are. Concentrate on your studies, set goals and start a new hobby. Don't go looking for others to fill your void. When the time is right, you will know and be ready. Right now you are hurting and people sense that. Keep busy with friends and try to keep smiling when you see her. Give her this space, respect her decision..you have know her a long time.

As far as her coming back, just try listen to her if she does, if she doesn't, move on. You have so much more life to live.

Answer 2

it's naturual for such feelings to hang around after breakign up with someone you've been with for so long. it'll take time. isolate yourselfl from her and things that remind you of her at all. another girl would be a great help. and FYI, even the couple that is most in love have at least some doubts in their head whether they want to admit it or not. it's how you handle those doubts that counts. i don't know all the details, but she seems to have moved on. this other guy may just be a filler and not mean anything to her, who knows. after 4 years you get accustomed to having someon for companionship, so it's natural to find a filler.

i wouldn't immediatley reject or welcome her if she comes crawling back. but i'd certainly make it a point to her that she hurt you.

Answer 3

Perhaps this will help a little.
All the best to you, my friend.

Let Go and Move On
How to face facts when it's really over

by S.K. Smith
Published: 06/05/2007



Ah, lost love… Ouch. As anyone who's ever suffered a broken heart knows, it's not uncommon to spend weeks, months, and even years mourning a relationship gone wrong. In fact, some psychologists say that breakups are even harder to resolve than deaths, because you know the person you've lost is still out there… just not with you!

While it's true that healing takes time, if you're one of those people still holding a torch long after the embers of hope have burned out (and stopped smoldering), it's time to face facts: your ex is not coming back. What can you do? It's obvious. Reclaim your life and find love again.

Get a clue
While it's easy to convince yourself that you're not hanging on, that your ex really will be back (after all, you're still in contact!) take a step back and consider what sort of contact it is that you're in. If you're speaking frequently and actually discussing the possibility of reconciliation (or even reminiscing but with concrete possibilities for getting together - like concrete as in dates), getting back together might actually be in the cards. On the other hand, if it's been years since you've split and he or she emails you once every few months, don't mistake it for a burning desire to reunite. They're checking in, seeing how you're doing - they may even be flirting. But they're not professing their undying love.

Hold back
Other clues that it's probably time to let go include your ex getting married, your ex not returning your calls or responding to your heartfelt diatribes with two-line replies. And, if your ex asks for (and/or obtains) a restraining order, you're probably in this alone. Naturally, that last one's a joke… but sometimes our obsessions can become so intense, that a self-imposed restraining order on our thoughts might be helpful! Unfortunately (or maybe not - depending on how you look at it), only you have the power to change the way you're thinking - and to refocus your energy on yourself.

Good and bad news
One of the silliest things we human beings assume is that we shouldn't think about our ex-lovers. Why would that be the case? Even if you've fallen head over heels with someone new, it's natural to have fond memories of someone you once loved - and in some ways, to continue to love them. Certain people will always hold a special place in our hearts, and remembering that is a great way to honor what you once had together (after all, it's a part of your life that made you who you are). Likewise, unless your ex-lover has amnesia or Alzheimer's, he or she probably thinks of you, too. But that's where it ends - or at least, where it should end.

Rehab
Odds are your addiction to your ex - and that's what it is, an addiction - is one sided. Even if it's not, you still need to break it. Two burning torches do not add up to a lasting, healthy relationship. And by living in the past, no matter how sweet it was (don't forget, we all tend towards rose-colored hindsight), you're not only deluding yourself, you're depriving yourself of the present. While that's bad news in and of itself, what's worse is that you're delaying your next love!