my guy and i have been in a relationship for 3 years now. we both are faithful and very committed towards each other and have discussed marriage in great detail.
recently we decided to break the news of us being committed to our respective parents. my parents gave in after some convincing but his parents are not ready to say yes because i have spinal scoliosis.
because we do not stay in the same city, my guy and i keep in touch through phone and internet. of late i sensed that he has changed somewhat owing to his parents who have been emotionally blackmailing him. they are threatening to disown him if he gets married to me.
in the beginning he tried to give it a fight and we also discussed court marriag but now he is scared of losing his money and business. his mom is also not keeping too well so he is all the more worried.
i dont know if i should be angry with him or be supportive.am suffering fom mood swings and am scared.i am scared to lose him!!help!
thanks in advance
2007-06-06 00:49:09 · 9 answers · asked by sun 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can sense your angst and emotional tension. Love and marriage are wonderful things, and it looks like you have an emotional conundrum here.
When two people truly love one another, and they are emotionally mature, the most important thing in the relationship is that both parties are happy, love each other, are devoted to each other, and willing to accept all the challenges, pitfalls, as well as the excellence that married life brings.
Many times parents, wanting all the best for their children, interject their opinions and feelings into their children's relationships, and this can cause major problems, unless the parents are supportive of the relationship. His parents may fear for thier son's happiness, feeling that he may not be happy with someone with your condition. That is sad, and unfortunate that they may feel this way. True love looks beyond the pure physicality of the relationship, and is based on profound feelings that are not merely based on the perfection of a person's physical makeup.
Case in point: Christopher Reeve and his wife, Dana. She could have divorced him after he had his accident, and was forced to live the rest of his life in a wheel chair. Instead, she supported him, loved him, tended to him, and they still enjoyed a healty intimate relationship. That's true love. It is not based on whether or not a person has any handicaps.
Your boyfriend has to come to terms with his own true feelings, and not be swayed with the opinions of others. It is okay to listen to other people's opinions and wisdom, for what it may be worth, but ultimately he has to decide in his own mind whether he is willing to accept being married to you, regardless of what people say.
If his parents are threatening witholding money or his business from him due to your relationship, that is emotional blackmail and truly unfair; however, he will still need to make that decision himself, and you must discuss this with him. If he truly loves you, is he willing to accept everything that may come from this committment? He has to decide which is the more important issue - marrying you, or his parents money, or a job.
Loving someone sometimes has very severe consequences, and both of you have to be willing to accept them. If you are strong enough to face all the difficulties, as well as the good times, then I think you are mature enough for each other, but if it is so easy to be swayed by the opinions or others, I would question your relationship.
You still may lose him anyway, so you must be prepared for this, if he is not willing to committ fully, and love you regardless of anyone's thought process. It appears that he has many issues to sort out and decide what truly is the right choice.
Yes, I would still continue to be supportive of him, and understand his position, and continue to discuss these matters with him. If possible, it might be a good idea to meet his parents in person, and discuss this with them, and he should also meet your parents, if possible. This will show both parents your true feelings, and they may see things from your point of view.
2007-06-06 01:13:52 · answer #1 · answered by 1greatguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if after 3 years and you guys are not already married or at least living together, then there probably is NO HOPE. A man knows right away if he's with the woman he wants to marry. Remember the family comes with the package. You deserve to be welcomed into a family with open arms. I do not think the marriage would work out. Why take on such a battle and struggle. Your 'man' sounds like a mama's boy. Why doesn't he earn his own fortune? It sounds like he wants a handout from his parents. He is not his own man and never will be. Get out of this relationship and go your own way. You deserve unconditional love. Good luck to you. Be brave.
2007-06-06 00:57:15 · answer #2 · answered by Alea S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, his parents are @$$h01e$, but if he loved you, he wouldn't be such a spineless weak-willed pansy. Do you really need such hostile parents-in-law? How many siblings does he have? Are any of them in a better position to take over the family business when his parents finally have the decency to kick over and go to the lower world where they belong?
Can you sit down with him and make out a life plan? What dream jobs would both of you like (if the family business is out of the question)? How much education do you both need for those dream jobs (and how will you pay if Mommy & Daddy are too cheap)? When will it be financially viable to get married? How many kids would you both like? Things like that.
As for his parents, you don't need to be around such negative people. As Mr. Bell (forget his first name, but he was the founder of Taco Bell) once said, "If they don't share your vision, they don't belong in your field of vision!" On the other hand, if he can't find the strength to stand up to his abusive parents, you'll find someone else who loves you.
2007-06-06 01:03:44 · answer #3 · answered by Theodore H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. that's amazing. it's admirable how u all kept in touch despite the distance.
i think there is a future. definitely. just be patient with him. let him deal with his parents on his own. dun be a hindrance at the same time, dun avoid him. be endearing and supportive.
if in the end he chooses to be with u, u will face with some guilt on his part from his parents. but if he doesnt choose u, u do noe that he loves his parents too much to take the risk to be the one woman in his life. at least u noe now rather than later.
you wont lose him if ure meant for each other. seriously, take things easy. dun overanalyse. meanwhile, be endearing and patient. he'll come thru. give him a bit of time. maybe u can also use the time to concentrate on being a better u.
take care and good luck
2007-06-06 00:57:41 · answer #4 · answered by fairly charming 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-06 23:38:13 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does you having Scoliosis have to do with you getting married? Thats why they dont want you to get married? I hate to say it, and no disrespect to his paretns, but they seem kinda... dumb. If he's changing his mind after 3 years, you can only hope. But I highly doubt it. Sorry I couldn't be more tactfull, but this isn't the place for tact.
2007-06-06 00:54:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing that can stand in the way of love is a mother hell bent on destruction. I wish you luck, but if he really loves you he will find a way to make it happen. If he dosen't, then you're better of with someone else.
2007-06-06 00:52:40 · answer #7 · answered by EDizzle03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not push him. He should be supportive of your relationship. Maybe his family should get to know you better before judging. I would suggest living with him before you get married. Then you can be supportive of his family, and his mother, and yet still be close to him and work on your relationship.
2007-06-06 00:52:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think if he loves you he should marry you no matter what his family say after all it is you he will spend the rest of his life with and if thay loved him they would see that too
2007-06-06 00:55:07 · answer #9 · answered by mickjackie22 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋