When I talk to my 4 year I do not mention race. Should I?

Question

I have never used words like "black" or "white" or "asian" to my 4 year old.

In fact, a while back she was showing her dolls to my grandmother (who is kinda backwards in some areas), and two of the dolls are black with pink and purple bodies, and the white one has a blue body. When she offered Grandma a doll, She said "I don't want that one, I want the white one." To which my daughter said "there is no white it's pink ..and this one is purple."

she did not usderstand that white meant the skin color. Should I introuduce these terms to her? She knows there is some difference in apperance, but that is all....

Answer 1

In my opinion, it's good you are considering it now how to raise her to be non-racist, and this will give you time to be prepared when the issue of skin color comes up. Leave it be for now, she may come to you with questions later, be ready and don't worry about it too much. I wasn't aware of racism until I was seven (thirty years ago) and I grew up in a multi-racial community. Then one day my four year old sister came home sayng something about her best friend being a 'n' and that's when my father sat all four of us down (his children) and told fascinating stories about variations in nature, food, art, music, and so on until he finally got to the people category, he asked us about different kinds of people we met and how we felt about them and so on. There were so many answers but skin color didn't come up a until my sister mentioned the 'n' word again. My father asked where she learned this word, and my little sister's response was: "From her, she is always calling her other "blue" friends this word. We all had a great laugh, then my father told us all to be a color. All I can remember is I was green and my sister was blue, because she loved her 'blue' friends. We played board games and tag using the colors we picked, and my father always saying: "God I love variety, especially in colors." Then came the hard part, explaining to her that she should not use this word in regards to anyone, and that people may call her words that sound bad. He said that some people just don't care too much for variety, "But this family loves variety right?" - "Yeeaaah!" Of course it took time for us to understand these things completely, but it set us on the right track, but I did notice that my skin wasn't really white, actually far from it in contrast when my arm was held up against a sheet of white paper, and to this day I have never actually seen a 'black' person. One or two that came close, but they were really dark brown. I hope this helps you come up with ways to deal with the issue if/when it comes up.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

My youngest daughter asked me why she was "peach" and her friend was "brown" she was in Kindergarten when she asked. The funny thing was, the kids mom was standing there when she asked me that, the Mom thought that it was cute that she used Brown,the Mom said because he African American, and we (the child's Mom and I) went back to talking. We were talking about a child that used the "N" word in class ( I HATE THAT WORD) and was getting some information from some of the parents. My daughter has never heard that word until that day!

The class had to have a talk with the principle. Children are innocent, that innocent can be broken even by their peers! Gotta love heartless parents!

Answer 4

I think you're doing the right thing in not making race an issue; she's so young; how could she understand the complicated issue anyway? She'll grow to understand that different races exist as she gets older. I don't remember my mother ever talking to us about race, and I'm much less prejudiced than many of my peers. (I don't say that to sound stuck-up, just to say that not talking about race can be a good thing for kids.) I think the most important thing is to teach a child to value all people; then, when she encounters different races, she'll have all the tools she needs.

If only we could all be like 4 year-old kids...:)

Answer 5

i think you may want to explain it to her eventually. i dont know if she is able to comprehend it all at age four though. depending on where you live she may have noticed that some people have skin your color, some have skin of other colors. so she may have a general knowlege of it already, just not understanding of why some people find it a big deal. i think its great that you dont turn it into a big thing with the dolls, cause that does set a good example, that there really are no differances.

Answer 6

It wasn't until I was about 8 years old that I heard negative stereotypes. My mom never mentioned race to me and it was never an issue before. My aunt whispered the word "blacks" once and because of her tone of voice, I immediately got the idea that 'blacks' must be a secret 'bad' thing. When I was 9, My neighbor said something nasty about Puerto Ricans once (that they steal things) and I immediately took that 'information' and believed it. I had never heard what a 'Puerto Rican' was so I thought it must be true for all 'Puerto Ricans'. It stuck with me for years.

Sometimes it's better to put the positive stuff in your kids head before they hear the negative. Whatever they hear first they are most likely to believe. You have a little bit of time though...

Answer 7

I really feel that there is no need to introduce such superficial differences to children about race. If she knows the terms and begins to associate them with their respective stereotypes then she may nurture premature prejudices. However, if she knows no difference, besides the arbitrary colors, she may eventually nurture an enlightened perspective about ethnicity. When I was a kid I met my dad's African American friend and I just saw him as any other adult, but I just thought he was real sunburned. If I had been taught that he was "black" then perhaps I would have seen him differently than other adults.

Answer 8

I didn't mention race to my daughter either but she learned quick enough. She cried the first time she saw a white person....

Answer 9

It will be important as she gets older. She needs to understand the historical significance that racial issues have had in the past, and how it should NOT be an issue today.

Answer 10

well at some point she is going to learn what skin colour is all about...I think maybe it's far better to hear the truth from you than what she may hear in the street.