Married to an addict?

Question

I am married to an addict. We have been through the iraq war, and many other deployments. He is not addicted to a plathora of drugs and has been stealing from our family and friends. He is in a drug treatment facility but does not seem like he is up for the help. He is trying to get on the methadone program and talking about how he COULD get drugs up there if he wanted. What do I do? We have 2 kids 8, and 20 months.

Answer 1

well i know how hard it is to deal with deployment im in the military myself....and some guys do come back looking for the high in drugs, drinking even sex.....if he doesn't seem like he is interested in helping himself then you might have lost him...you can't help someone who doesn't want to help them self.....now i think you need to start thinking of whats best for you as well as your kids....its a hard life already living in the military...how some men can make it even harder for those they love is beyond me ..but they do.....it sounds like you love him very much and you want the best for him as well as yourself and kids....but sadly whats best for you and your kids right now is to be away from him....if you let it get too out of hand they could very well take your kids away...you need to look at the whole picture .......i hope the best for you..take care

Answer 2

I would call the facility where he is at and tell someone in charge what he is saying to you about how he could get drugs if he wanted to. I'm sorry to say but, if he's telling you he could get them and he's an addict then he probably already has and that's why his treatments seem to you like they are not affecting him.

The people at the facility are trained to handle this type of thing so let them deal with him. They will have to try something more severe to get his attention. He is in there to get help so by all means make sure that he gets it. You are not doing him any favors by hiding the fact that he could get drugs if he wanted to. (it also does not help the others in there either)

He is an addict. If there is anyway he can get drugs he probably has (in your heart you know it too) He needs to get a total detox and he can't get that if someone is giving him drugs in there. He will not get better unless you call the facility and tell them what is going on. He might have to be put in solitary confinement but, if will get him clean then it will be worth it.

Answer 3

He WON'T get off the drugs without help. He's no doubt been through some hard times. That's the cry of someone who wants to be free to dip into the honey pot again. Do all you can, even talking to the authorities, to keep him in care until the temptation isn't quite as important to him. If he's stealing to pay for drugs, he'll start again if he gets out too soon. Of course, I'm assuming it's not a voluntary program he's taking part in?
Can you reason with him at all? Maybe you can get through to him what a terrible effect this is having on both your lives, and more importantly, the lives of your 2 children, and God knows, if he gets back to his previous habits, he could finish up in jail! Ask him is that where he wants to finish up.

Answer 4

You need to be straight with him. Ask him what is more important the drugs or ur family? If he can not confidently say ur family end it with him. You and ur kids do not deserve that. It is best for them to be as far away from him as possible. If he can honestly say the family (try to ask him when hes straight) then tell him he needs to get help or he is going to lose the best thing he could ever have. Don't use it as a threat just be honest with him. The treatments won't help him unless he lets them help him. Try to be understanding to what he is going through be supportive but at the same time be strong and firm and smart. Do what is best for you and your children. Most addicts are abusers. Theres a very good chance that he will become violent. Do you really want your children growing up around that?! They are so young, so impressionable. If they see him acting this way they will grow up to think it is ok. If he begins being violent or abusive in any manner and you tolerate it they will think that all women should accept being treated like that. My father was an alcoholic/drug addict, and he could get violent. I am his only child. When she saw what hed become she got rid of him. I saw him once when I was 6 for a visitation and I remember everything was fine then towards the end he became very irrate and i remember him and my mom arguing. And she put me in the car and he grabbed me out he was all sweaty and I was terrified and screaming my mom got me off of him and i remember him putting his sweaty face close to mine and saying something to me i couldnt understand. at the time i didnt no what was going on, but now it makes me so angry to no that he came to see me high!!! and the argument was he watned to stop the visit and go get high then come back to finish the visit he "reallly needed" it. It makes me sick. I love my mother everyday for getting rid of him and doing everything in her power to keep him away from me (not that it was really hard half the time he forgot i existed) I saw him about 7 yrs ago i was 14 he didnt recognize me i didnt recognize him. My sis told me who it was and when it was brought to my attention i saw he looked just like me....or i looked like him whatever.
the point is dont make your children live through that hell.

Answer 5

Be patient and supportive but don't let this become a cycle. I had an alcoholic parent. He chose AA and has been sober for 27 years.Don't bring up the past mistakes. Counseling and support groups are available to you also. If he does'nt want help then leave, he will do nothing but drag you and the kids thru a life of hell. The final choice is up to him. I wish you the best of luck with this.

Answer 6

The truth is you have to do what is right for you.
He hasn't "bottomed out" yet, but he will...

He is in a place where he does not care enough about himself that he is willing to take his family down with him.

Get out and be clear the only way he is visiting the kids is after he completes a program and stays clean - you will see if he has any guts or whether he is close enough to bottoming out to consider this a wake up call.

You have no choice, you need to get clear of him before something bad happens that involves you or your kids.
The kids can get taken into social services if you expose them to any of his troubles.

He needs to make the decision about his addiction.
You need to be the adult that cares for your kids - He isn't doing that and they MUST be taken care of.

Answer 7

well if you and the rest of your family can find a Betty fords clinic then that will be the best thing for him and your children right now he needs all the help he can get and you really need all the support that you can get to get you through this time of need.and i am defiantly gonna pray and pray hard for you and your family.

Answer 8

Sounds like my ex wife, I am divorcing her because of her drug problem and now I have custody of the kids. Also, it sounds like he does not want any help. My wife didn't either. She wanted what she wanted and I let her go. We are going through this divorce right now. I am stable and the kids are ok. They do miss their mom tho. Remember he chose this not you.

Answer 9

You need to go to co dependency meetings. They are for the families of addicts. Call Narcotics Anonymous and have them direct you to the nearest meeting. You won't regret it. Best thing you can do for yourself, your children and him. Knowledge is the best weapon.

Answer 10

he will not get off the drugs unless he wants to, you deserve better than that