why does my husband come home at 3:OO In the morning?

Question

what could he be doing he has avoided his family is doing things out of the ordinary such as altering his paycheck buying a new vehicle behind my back staying gone for two to 3 days at a time quiting his 2nd part time job just all kinds of weird things

Answer 1

Been there, done that. He's cheating. My SO(significant other) used to come in at 2am like clockwork. It went on for 3 months, then one day he left for work and didn't come back.

I would confront him. Don't yell and carry on though. Calmly sit him down and say "I've noticed the changes in you honey, what's going on?" Find out what and why and take it from there. (The car & altered pay stubs sounds like it's serious.) First, think about what you want. Do you still love him, will you give him another chance? Do you want out, will you not trust him, be able to get past it? Give him an ultimatum. Just remember you must be prepared if he chooses to leave permanently. Be strong and hold your ground, don't let it go on too long like I did.

When my ex-hsbd was having an affair he went back & forth between our house and hers for 2 years before leaving for good. I found out about the affair a year after it started ('95). Just before that, we'd found out I was pregnant(twin boys), we already had 2 girls 10&6 and 1 boy 8 & had thought about trying for another boy. I miscarried at 4 1/2 months behind the stress of the situation. After that, I told him I was leaving and HE begged me not to. Said "We lost the babies, but we still have each other, we can make another baby." Said he didn't want our marriage to end & that he would end the affair.

He did for awhile(or so I thought,I later found out he was just keeping it hidden better) then went right back to it. I wanted him to do the right thing & stay with his family. I was in the "let's stay together for the kids" mindset. Trust me, that doesn't work. If you aren't happy your children will sense this. No matter how much you try to hide the problems, they will know. It got to the point where my kids said,"Mom, you need a new husband, get rid of daddy. I finally realized that nothing grows in rocky soil, and that's what he & I were together. It wasn't doing the kids any good. I regret not leaving when I felt I should, I am still angry with myself that I believed him. All that came from that was prolonged misery & 2 more children(now ages 11 & 9 1/5- the last from the 1st set is 18). So my burden as a single parent was a little heavier when he left.

I share this because, if you do decide to try to work it out and keep your marriage/family together. Have a probation period. Let him know he has to prove to you that he is being honest. That he truly wants to make things right. Talk to each other, be honest about how you both feel. If either of you decides that it won't work, say so. Most men don't like to talk, but you must. (It wasn't until after we separated, that I found out my husband had a totally different view of our marriage, and I can honestly say his view is fabricated(most likely to justify his actions). So you need to know where his head is, compare notes and defend yourself if he is saying untruths.

I wish you the best, if you'd like to talk further, you can email me or IM me, the info's on my profile.

Take care,
Kay

Answer 2

He is not being open and honest with you. It does not sound like he is committed to the marriage because your husband should be home every night unless his job calls for him to be out of town. Plus a major purchase, such as a car, should be discussed with the spouse before finalizing anything. Sounds like there is a lack of communication amongst other things going on in your marriage.

Answer 3

What he is doing is 'living single'! What you need to do is prepare for being single!

You are nieve if you think your husband is still 'your husband'. When the communication failed and he stayed away for just 'one' night, he is no longer acting in the best interest of his marriage vows.

Avoiding family means that he does not have to answer any questions, has no ties to anyone who may sympathize with you.

Altering his paycheck to buy the car and spend money ANY DAMED WAY HE WANTS, with out having to explain to you.

Buying a vehicle without your knowledge, means he does not have to answer to, discuss with, or get an agreement from you.

Being gone for 2-3 days, of course it is with a woman. WAKE UP! I bet he does not explain those outtings either. Huh?

Of course he has to quit his 2nd part time job, to make time to be with this other woman.

Other weird things are things he thinks will please this woman. She may haver asked or he may have initiated those things to please her.

What you need to do is PLAN YOUR WORK, THEN WORK YOUR PLAN. YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY BE MADE SINGLE, SO YOU BETTER GET READY TO FIND FINANCING TO BE ALONE. (WITH KIDS IF ANY).

I SURE HOPE YOU HAVE SOME MONEY. YOU WILL NEED IT. OFFER HIM A SEPERATION AGREEMENT AND FOR HIM TO MOVE OUT. He may just be with this woman for the thrills and does not want to start over alone. Believe me, she wants him, but he does not want to leave his 'established' home. If she does not want him with her perminantly, they have the perfect scenario going right now, at your emotional expense.
ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS...NOW PLAN AND GO GET IT.

Answer 4

This is actually worse than simply cheating. He is showing you tremendous disrespect. This is not a man you will be able to hang on to, nor should you. I rarely recommend divorce, but this guy is SO gross I don't think you have an option other than to go see a lawyer. Divorce this guy and move far away. He is bad news and I highly doubt someone who has done all this selfish behavior is going to change. Sorry.


Kent in SD

Answer 5

very little that is good for a marriage happens if a husband is out until 3 am

my father used to do do that

he would work late & state that he came home so late too blow off steam

he was a serial philanderer

it is obvious that your husband is immersed in cheating

Answer 6

The man's cheating honey. Dump him and take all he's got for compensation. But next time, realize the obvious-that no man has an agenda that requires arriving home at 3AM.

Answer 7

Sounds like he is cheating. Hire a private investigator, find out what he is doing. You have the right to know because you are his wife and it is your business. Have you talked to him about it? Try asking him point blank what he is doing. Tell him what you think about it all.

Answer 8

this happened with my husband too, hiding money, new vehicles, as it turned out he was cheating and planning to leave me for her, which he did. he has someone else and it may be just a matter of time before he leaves u.

Answer 9

U have 22 strangers telling you what your heart already knows the bastard has a new young tender either malee/female.HE IS CHEATING WAKE UP

Answer 10

just keeping it real girlfriend, I think he is out doing something he doesn't have any business and he doesn't have any business coming in that time of morning with a wife and family!!! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out!!!