to swing or not to swing?

Question

Has anyone gone to a swingers party and if you did what was it like. My girlfriend wants to try it and I am really curious but not that thrilled about it. Please answer politely

Answer 1

Whilst not actually been to a swingers party I have been in an open marriage so may be of some help.
The positives are many :-
a) A greater degree of honesty can be achieved with out partner and ourselves.
b) Your partner never cheats on you behind your back, you may even be there at the time.
c) If you can try to introduce your partners accounts of the fun she has had into your own sex life occasionally. This not only lays any demons to rest but also has the effect of embracing the situation rather than ignoring it or putting up with it.
d) If your partner went out for a meal with a friend you would probably want her to have a good evening and enjoy the meal. What is really so different about sex, still two people having a good time.
The downside is that you only imagine the feeling/s you will get when your partner says that she has slept with someone the first time. They are obviously different with each individual but they are also different from what you had expected yourself.
Have a read of accounts of polyamorous relationships and see if you relate positively to the idea.
I personally believe that it is perfectly to have feelings for more than one person and also love more than one person at a time. Look at the alternative monogamy. You meet fall in love, marry. If 10 or 20 years later one partner meets another person and falls in love with them they feel they have to get rid of the first love to make room for the second. So suddenly 10 or 20 years of loving somneone is cast aside.........seems crazy to me !........Always talk a lot about it and share feelings with each other, cut away at our constraints and alow your partner the freedom of honesty to tell you that she enjoyed her lover 100% and allow youself to be happy and glad she had a good time.
If you have doubts they need to be spoken through with your partner because they will not go away once you begin. Any 'odd' feelings you have try checking out your own feelings of insecurity. Fact is your partner loves and respects you enough to not cheat on you but go the honesty route. This says a lot about her love for you. Finally in all you do make sure you are working from your heart and acting lovingly, no projecting guilt, or blaming. Treat it all lightly and face things together and you could take your relationship to new heights.

Good luck and enjoy together which ever road you take xx

Answer 2

I have some friends who went to one and I know that she regrets it. Do you really want to watch another man have sex with the girl that YOU love? There is also the risk for hidden cameras and STD's. What happened with my friend was after the swingers party, her boyfriend could not help but to compare and think of the other girls there while they were having sex. It caused a lot of problems in their relationship. In a way, it's like mutual cheating. And that really breaks a lot of trust, whether you think it will or not. I would really re-consider it and you have every right to tell her your true feelings about this, and even break up with her if she goes to one, just for the fact that it's pretty much considered cheating.

Answer 3

I had a friend who was crazy about his girlfriend so he gave the swinger thing a try to please her. Unless you have no moral compass, then this is not a good idea. Their relationship ended.

I guess it's what you believe, but I would think it would be difficult to know that oher men are having sex with your girlfriend. I don't think most people could do it, but only you are able to answer that question.

This is a question that you need to truly think about because it will totally affect the rest of your life. I couldn't do it, but there are alot of people without a moral compass that have no problem with it. Can you truly say that knowing other men are having sex with your girlfriend won't bother you? The way you expressed it sounded like you didn't want to do it. Do you want to be with a woman that continually see herself having sex with other men? It's really not a healthy choice.

Give this some deep and sincere thought because it will change the rest of your life. Good luck!

Answer 4

Swinger's parties can be fun. But you both need to be into it. If you're not feeling great about it? I would suggest you talk it out more (well-defined rules help a lot), or that you just don't go.

Personally, I would study up on it as much as possible before you decide which way to go. See if you can perhaps meet some of the couples outside of the party (so you aren't going into it blind, so to speak) and again, talk it out. Don't let her pressure you into doing it if you don't want to, because you WILL resent her afterwards.

Answer 5

Swinging isn't for everyone. You have to have that special mindset where you are very secure in yourself and your partner. Insecurity = jealousy. Jealousy is the idea or thought that someone else may be preferred over you, in any way shape or form, but in this case sexually or emotionally. If you are secure in yourself and your worth to your partner, then this is not even an issue. But if you're not, then swinging may not be for you.

Also, you have to have a very strong sense of the difference between love and sex, and the idea that just because you are attracted to someone sexually doesn't mean you are in love with them. Some people equate love and sex as the same. Others see them as two different aspects of a relationship. You can have sex with someone you don't love, you can have sex with someone you do. They are different feelings altogether. If you know the differences, then you may be cut-out to explore it further. If not, then you shouldn't.

What are swinger parties like? Well it depends on where the party is. If it is a house party (a party at someone's house) it usually is like going to a party at anyone's house, except the host will have areas in the house or bedrooms set-up where you can go to have sex with your partner or someone else if you wish. Other than that it is just a whole lot of people drinking, eating snacks, and talking, just like any other party.

There are two types of club parties: on-premise and off-premise. In an off-premise party it usually is a regular night club you may normally go to except they are hosting a "couples night" where you can go and mingle, drink, and dance with other couples. If you meet someone you want to hook-up with then you have to leave and go home or to a hotel.

If it is an on-premise club it will much like a regular night club with a bar, dance floor, tables, etc., with the exception of having both public and private areas that you can go and have sex with your partner or someone else if you find someone you like.

In any case you don't have to have sex with someone. Very, very rarely is there anything like an orgy going on. Swingers are for the most part very conscientious of other's personal boundaries and will not force themselves upon you if you are not comfortable with it. They themselves were once the new couple at the party and they know exactly how you feel. Many couples simply attend swingers parties to spice-up their personal sex life and they never swing with anyone. They just like the atmosphere, maybe playing with each other a bit, flirting, then going home together for some incredible sex between them.

The think about the swinger lifestyle is that there is not just one way to do it. The right way is whatever way, whatever activities, whatever level of comfort you are good with. Some people go to swinger parties to observe, some go to participate on different levels, such as flirting with others, maybe making-out with others only, or soft swapping (everything but intercourse), or full swap. The right way is whatever way is good for you and your girlfriend.

For some more information about this, from objective and informed sources, check-out The Swingers Board http://www.swingersboard.com . You'll find lots of great information in the forums and the FAQ section.

Answer 6

I think that "swinging" is a very serious thing that you need to put thought into it.. personally, I don't believe in it, because how are you going to share what you "love".... let me tell you this story this happend to a friend of my sisters.. who by the way is not a swinger.. anyways.. this woman and her husband were swingers for a long time.. she was in love with him and so was he.. supposedly.. anyways... one day came this couple they had sex with the other couple.. "swinging" then the man became strongly attracted to the other woman.. which left his wife in despair.. she was so desperate she commited suicide.. just do the right thing.. things don't have to get ugly.. be firm in your decision.. remember the quote "curiousity killed the cat!"

Answer 7

First of all, most of the people that might be interested in this might not be people you find attractive. Secondly, there are decided risks in having sex with total strangers - how do you know there isn't a hidden camera somewhere that is going to post this to the Internet? If you start having sex with other people it can and probably WILL change your relationship. And, what happens behind closed doors does not necessarily stay behind closed doors. Fear of STDs prevents me from even thinking about it!

Answer 8

You have to have a strong relationship to swing. Jealousies and the like come up in those kinds of situations. Is it worth it if it might cause problems in your relationship?

Answer 9

the website www.dogwide.com will give you some polite info about that type of scene, you need to be very secure within your relationship before you try it though, because you have to remember that both of you are going to be sleeping with complete strangers and that can cause a large rift in the trust levels of your relationship

Answer 10

your g/f sounds a little kinky..my wife has a married friend who goes to singles bars and chats up rich guys who spends money on her and her friends..this married friend spends several nights with her g/f and they hang out in single bars ...and she wanted my wife to go to..lucky for me my wife is not the type to indulge in this sick behavior..
I believe this will not help your relationship/marriage and only open a can of worms with a lot of issues..trust? faith? loyalty.? why play with fire? My first wife and I fooled around like this..it is the last step of a already doomed marriage..you won't like to see your wife flirting (and worse) with another dude...but if you don't mind and she don't mind..then you really don't have a very good marriage...