What should I do? I have been best friends with this girl for 11 years. She recently got devorced and I am so proud of her for finally standing up for herself and devorcing him but she has change so much!!! She has three daughters and she goes out all the time. She has this roommate who has led her to be this person I know she never met to become. She was this good mother and friend, and I understand that she wants to enjoy this new life but she is taking it to far. She comlplains to me all the time about her roommate but yet she continues to do the same thing he is doing. Party, Party, Party....by the ways, her roommate is a gay guy. I am tired of hearing about him and his problems!!! She doesn't take any of the advise I give her and gets a little attitude with me if I say anything about him. What should I do?
2007-06-05 15:52:43 · 17 answers · asked by Star 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
She is probably complaining about you when you arent around too. Right now this woman thinks that she is reborn and she is living what she missed. If I were you I would not really get involved until she settled down a bit. She probably associates you with her "old life" and thinks that you are not representative of "what she should be" She does not know right now, but the life she is living is not her, and she will bounce back soon and settle down again. It also sounds to me like you are settled too with children.
2007-06-05 15:58:03 · answer #1 · answered by michael p 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, it's obvious she's changed and she's no longer the person you once knew. Ask her sometime this, " Where did my best friend go and what did you do with her?" Maybe sometime when she's all alone she will think about it, you never know. It doesn't sound like she's being to adult right now. As far as her new friend, tell her she should issue those problems to the Jerry Springer show instead of you! That would be a dead give away that your tired of hearing about him and all of his self-proclaimed drauma. You need to make a ne friend, someone who can respect you some. Making a new best friend is not easy though, mine was killed a little over a year ago, it's been hard to accept that she's not here anymore. I hate life without her, this world isn't the same without her in it. I feel your pain of losing a best friend, no matter how you lose them, it's not easy to live with, most days I feel guilty for living because she's not anymore, eats me alive that she's gone. Good luck to you though and I wish you the best, it's not an easy thing I know.
2007-06-05 23:02:02 · answer #2 · answered by Wutz it worth 2 ya? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce does this to individuals. Seriously. Oddly enough it is a coping mechanism...her partying all the time. Experiencing divorce is never easy. It has been compared to experiencing the death of a spouse(except its worse because they are still alive! Har.
Give her some space but be there for her. When ever she starts complaining about her room mate, listen for a little while and then change the subject. Don't give her any advise--and if she asks for it, ask her, "do you really want me to give you advise or are you only wanting me to listen?" Also, advise does not need to be taken. She can listen to your advise and the advise of others and personally weigh the pros and cons and make the decision herself. She needs to get through this on her own. She will eventually come around...she will likely get tired of going wild. I remember the days when the only thing that would make me stop crying was a shot of tequila.
2007-06-05 23:02:41 · answer #3 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, first of all stop giving her advice. It makes you feel frustrated and she feels resentful. When she starts to unload on you about the roommate steer the conversation in a different direction. All that does is suck you into her problems and then you want to help and pretty soon it's a vicious cycle.
By the way when she's out partying where are her girls?
Hopefully she gets over this phase soon and starts to see the light of what is really important.And that would be her being a good mother to her girls.Seashell says, you don't want to mess that up.
2007-06-05 23:10:06 · answer #4 · answered by seashell 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who is taking care of the kids? It is your friend's responsibility to take care of her children. That is the first thing that needs to be answered.
The second thing and I really feel for you about it, is that your friend has changed. She has changed in ways that you disagree with. You hate the thought of breaking off your friendship with her because you and she have been good friends for a long time.
It's hard to say if her new lifestyle is temporary or if it will last a long time and maybe this is the real person that you just didn't know before.
If you really disagree with the way she is handling things, then I think the answer is in your own question: you are "losing" your "best friend." It's tough love to tell someone you don't want to be with them anymore because you don't like the way they behave. I think this situation requires it.
Unless of course, you think the kids are in danger. If you think the kids are young and are being left alone, then talk to some adults you trust and ask for advice. That is very serious and very bad, if that is the case.
2007-06-05 23:10:02 · answer #5 · answered by LindaLou 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Invite her out for a coffee or dessert ( do not go for "drinks" ) ..leave anything alcoholic out of the meeting for this serious converstion..you will not get the point across and will make it not seem serious.. make sure no one else is with you 2 this time, it is a serious heart to heart converstion that needs to take place...
When you 2 are sitting alone, simply let her know that there is something on your mind and you need her to just hear you through untill you get out what is on your mind. Let her know that this is coming from your heart and you are concerned for her because you care deeply for her. let her know that you are not trying to put her down in any way and you are not judging her. tell her exactly what you see happening and what you are afraid she is getting herslef into too deep. She might be resentfull at first because she is blind to the consequences and downward spiral effect of her actions. Keep tabs on her and in touch, but do not become the "enabler" of her actions. If it comes to it, and she gets farther into the "new' harmfull lifestyle, meet with her again and give her an ultimatum.. let her know you love her, you will be there for her when she gets her life back together and her head on straight, but you will not stand beside her as she hits the road to rock bottom. If you have to remove yourself from her life..by all means..do it.. It is hard, but she will see what her ways have done and will come back to you when she is ready to improve herself and get help to get her life back on the right path..
Its going to be one of the hardest things you will have to do, but stand strong and do not give up..
It could take days, weeks, months..or longer...
If she values you as a friend and cares about you ..she will eventually open her eyes back up and come around to reality..
2007-06-05 23:17:27 · answer #6 · answered by The Chesire Cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should step aside and stop offering advice.Take a break from her for awhile but be there as a friend if she needs you.
She's enjoying her freedom but going about it in the wrong way.Hopefully she'll wake up soon and realize she's responsible for her three children and that they come first in her life.
You can't tell her what to do and how to behave no matter how much you'd like to.If she asks for advice give it but other than that let it go.
I'm sure she'll revert back to her old self soon and you'll have your friend back.I pray the girls still have their mother.
2007-06-05 23:04:44 · answer #7 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep it simple and supportive. always smile. Be the one to cheer her up. Sometime(this quote is from lameland. Cliche beyond belief) all someone needs is optimism. Something to let her know that no matter what you can still be happy. Life can suck, BIG TIME, "Don't let the killer whales get you down." my insane brother says. Apply that to life, and you're good to go. Never be the one to give her more to think about. Evidently she doesn't need that.
2007-06-05 23:05:04 · answer #8 · answered by Elysse O 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your friend is still grieving for her past life and hasn't resolved her past. You can't bring your friend back if you are going to judge her behavior. If you are worried about her leaving her kids, then offer to babysit. Otherwise you are just being critical. Perhaps this is the person she really is, and the marriage made her into the person you were friends with.
2007-06-05 22:56:42 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
tell her what you feel and dont hold back
the truth hurts
but at least youre going to be the good friend
if she just shuts you out
then give her some space and let her talk to you
tell her to be a leader, not a follower
remind her of all the stuff she didnt have to deal with when she never met him
2007-06-05 23:05:48 · answer #10 · answered by teekapeek 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋