My wife recently left me for another man, who is a total loser. She was my first love and mother of our three kids. I hate life without her. I will do anything to have her in my life again. I have dated a lot since and no woman will ever measure up to her. I need her back and will do anything to have her back. What can I do?
2007-06-05 15:50:29 · 17 answers · asked by michael e 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't make her come back. But you can be there when the loser messes up, and we all know he will. She will be back as soon as she sees you are going on with your life. Women are most attracted to independent, strong men.
You already said you love her. You don't have to remind her with your words, only your deeds. Don't worry, she will be back if you are a good man.
Don't be desperate. Don't hound her. Don't beg for her to come back. All of those things are counterproductive. Hang out with your friends, family, and children. Throw yourself into work for awhile. Go on more dates without expecting to find a new wife, just enjoy yourself if possible, no pressure.
The moment your wife sees you are carrying on without her, she'll start to wonder what she's missing, by this time, the loser will have shown his true colors and she'll be in your arms in no time. This is a slow methodical process, but highly effective. Good luck!
2007-06-05 16:07:45 · answer #1 · answered by Ky 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-05 21:47:44 · answer #2 · answered by Catalina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm seeing some red flag words, my friend. "I will do ANYTHING..."; "no woman will EVER measure up" I NEED her in my life.
Your upside is you have a soft and willing heart, ready to forgive. The downside, is, I suspect that she has lost respect for you. She knew she could mess around because you were desperate for her. She may see you as someone without backbone. I wonder if the "total loser" she chose doesn't come across as strong to here, but probably impulsive, controlling and stupid in your eyes.
Ironically, you're going to have to be tougher, not softer. When it comes to dealing with the kids -- you hold your line where you can. You would probably do well to let her know you can live without her and can learn to be happy. When she sees another side of you that can be firm, confident and not so NEEDY of her, she may want you. You need to let her know, perhaps in writing, that you won't even consider a renewed relationship with you until she confesses to the details of the affair and agrees to go to counseling. Surprise her.
Overly dependent relationships scare alot of adults as well they should. What most healthy adults want is inter-dependence, where both choose the other. No one wants the pressure of having to make another's life fulfilled.
Even if you don't get her back, you will have learned a valuable life lesson about being able to grow on your own. Your happiness should not hinge on any other individual. Then you may discover there are other women who can match the first or even exceed her if your soon-to-be ex-wife continues to turn her back.
2007-06-05 16:53:37 · answer #3 · answered by waldguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop comparing other women to her. You will never move on if you do that. She left you for another man, are you sure you want her back or is it the lonely part of being married and knowing someone was there for you? If she would do it once she would do it again when the chance arose. You deserve better than to been done this way. Life will be different without her, but you have to adjust and it be hard or easy. You can make it easier by stop wanting something you can't have, she has moved on with someone else and he may be a loser in your eyes, but does she feel that way? When you start thinking with your head and not your heart you will see things somewhat different. It takes time to grieve the loss of someone, so don't rush the dating.
2007-06-05 16:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out WHY she left you! Ask some of her friends if she said anything to them. If her friends won't say anything try to remember what happened the week before she left. This could be a good moment for you to change yourself and show her a new you. Try taking up many things like dancing or finding a way to attract her. You have plenty of time seeing how you have time to date.
If you have kids then she has to show up sometime right? It is then that you question her if all else fails.
Women can be cruel with the hearts of men. Many men cheat but the usually come back because they realize they made a mistake and beg for forgiveness. Women can hold a grudge for years and make you feel like a jack ***. They have that power over men. It's natural for you to feel like that and it can suck. The worst part is that they don't even need a reason! They can get bored of you sexually or just because you do one tiny thing wrong that drives them crazy like snoring. So its not really you, its just something about you to her. As for her new man. The grass always looks greener on the other side. he probably just knew when to strike at the right time or maybe he was just there. Perhaps this whole thing is just for you to change your ways abnd she will come back to you. Who is to know?
I hope everything goes well for you but also I want you to be prepared. There maybe a possibility that she is going to divorce you. If that happens you have to be prepared and stay strong for both you and your kids. DFor time will heal all wopunds and don't be depressed on your first love when a better one is out there for you
Once again. Good Luck. If my advice didn't help you then I am personally sorry and hope you find happiness.
2007-06-05 16:08:45 · answer #5 · answered by leafshadow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not want to hear this, but it sounds like to me you have an obsession with your soon to be ex wife. If you have the funds you should consider talking to a therapists.
You can not change her feelings or desire to have a different life.
Consider focusing on expanding your horizons, take college courses, learn a new hobby, learn a new skill, take a college course in human relationship/psychology, and etc.
2007-06-05 16:04:13 · answer #6 · answered by oldcorps1947 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even if she DID agree to dump the guy she's with now and go back to you - do you really think you'd have a relationship on a firm foundation? Wouldn't you always worry she'd cheat again? You need to grab some self esteem and find something better.
2007-06-05 15:55:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/GDCSv
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.
2016-04-24 14:28:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust me when i say this i took back my ex wife 3 times after each time she left me for some one else
and each time she left it was worse than the time before
forget her see a shrink and you realize that you deserve some one better. trust me i have spent lots of cash seeing a shrink to realize that i was suffering from low self esteem. 3 months after the last time she left she called and said she missed her life with me and wanted to come back and i said that i couldnt do it again. and saying that was hard but trust me it felt good to have the upper hand on the situation. you will find some one who treat you alot better but give it time you get over her
2007-06-05 16:29:15 · answer #9 · answered by rage6996 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best advice i can give you is just be patient because my husband left me for a woman and i was just as kind as i could be to him and things started happening with their relationship and he started calling me and coming over and we talked about it and we got back together and i know the trust factor is their but you know what if she truly loves you she will be faithful and see she messed up and you will begin to trust her again and dont throw it up to her about what she did to you and the kids and she will see that she cant do no better than you i was just like you i wonted him back so bad and i would listen to him talk about her to me and it was hard but i bit my tongue you have to be her best friend again more less is what im trying to say so hang in their and she will come around and realize how she loves you and misses you she will come back hang in their good luck
2007-06-05 16:05:50 · answer #10 · answered by foxy lady 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋