i tend to hold grudges even after i have resolved an issue...i dont wanna punish someone i love over and over again for something that im supposed to have forgiven them for and gotten over. what do u do when u feel the need to bring up a past hurt when a new problem comes along? is it wrong to mention it if the new problem inter-relates to the old one or should i just treat the situation like there were no previous incidents..u know, like having a clean slate...?? i dont want to push someone i love away by bringing up the past...but sometimes i just cant help but think its relavent. if i keep bringing it up, i dont think i have really gotten over it so if thats the case, what do i do to help myself get over it without dragging the other person into it (assuming that whatever mistakes were made were amended and the person is truly regrettful for their actions, i wouldnt want to "open the wound" again just because im having trouble resolving my issues with myself)? thoughts anyone?.....
2007-06-05 15:50:15 · 8 answers · asked by ilovemysoldier 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, you know what you should do (don't bring up dead issues) and you know what you want to do (bring them up to support your argument). Now you have to decide which is more important to you: Winning or resolving.
Look up the term "Phyrric Victory".
2007-06-05 16:15:15 · answer #1 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is such a hard thing to do, I think we all do that. The way I try to get around it is to stop and think what I'm really having an issue with. What is the problem right now, what happened right now? Many times it isn't inter related, sometimes the past issue comes up because I'm frustrated like I was then.
If it is something that keeps recurring, then I try to think it through and go back to them and say: Though I have forgiven you, or accept their explanation. I think we need to discuss it and I'd like to tell you how I feel now, and what brought this on.
Try not to judge or bring everything up, because more than likely they didn't know it wasn't resolved in you. And they probably want to fix it too.
2007-06-05 16:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by And My Soul Flies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you said it yourself, you are having trouble resolving your issues with yourself, it has nothing to do with the other person. Holding on to these grudges is keeping you in the past. Why not live in the present?
2007-06-05 15:56:40 · answer #3 · answered by April First 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, boy, what a great question. Everybody yaps about forgiveness, but we sure hang on to our little grudges, don't we?
At the base of this is our inability to forgive ourselves, and it makes it hard to be merciful to others with this monkey on our back. Do you owe someone an apology? I'll bet you'll find when you clear the air with them, it will be much easier to forgive others.
2007-06-05 15:55:27 · answer #4 · answered by Elwood Blues 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever apologize for something you aren't ready to forgive. If you cannot forgive the person you love for their transgressions then you need to seriously think about getting out of the relationship. Retaining anger and hurt will turn any relationship toxic. Forgiveness is as much for you as it is for them.
2007-06-05 15:53:50 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really depends on what it is. if it's something like cheating...situation: around the time he was cheating he wouldn't answer his phone calls around you. you decided to forgive him for the cheating and you both move on. months later, you are both supposed to be over it, but him not answering his phone around you is happening again. this is a situation where you can bring it up again. if it's something that needs to be discussed, then discuss it. if it's something trivial, let it go.
2007-06-05 15:55:15 · answer #6 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A grudge will only harm you noone else. And you will have trouble sleeping and feel depressed and it is all your fault LET IT GO for your own health and peace of mind
2007-06-05 15:54:16 · answer #7 · answered by skeeter195848 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get professional help now or you will destroy what is left of your relationship.
2007-06-05 15:52:45 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Ed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋