My mom and dad were married 25 years when he suddenly walked out on her for another woman. It is going on three years since their divorce and my dad is still with this other woman. My younger brother, who is 25 and married, is the only one of us kids to say in touch with our dad. Memorial Day weekend my brother, his wife, and daughter went to hang out with our dad and this other woman. My mom can not understand how he could feel comfortable enough to just go spend a long weekend with this woman who destroyed his father and mother's 25 year marriage. What kind of woman would date a married man then stay with him while he cheated on and eventually left his wife of 25 years? My mom is pretty upset with my brother. She doesn't mind that he has a relationship with his father but hates that he can just spend time with this woman like nothing happened. What do you think?
2007-06-05 15:24:37 · 15 answers · asked by hoowa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that no matter how hard it is...your mom has to realize that your brother is not trying to hurt her...if she is ok with him having a relationship with his father...she has to realize that this woman is now part of her fathers life. If your brother wants to mantain a relationship with his father, which it sounds like he is doing, than he is accepting the fact that this woman is in his fathers life...and even though he may not agree with how things happened...he is respecting his fathers decision. So your mom has to respect her sons decision...knowing he is not trying to hurt her...he has just come to accept his father and his new life. Your mom can still be hurt...but she will have to gradually accept the facts.
2007-06-05 15:30:39 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your mom being upset about the other woman. It has to hurt, but your brother has to move on it has been three years and even though no amount of time can take your moms pain away, the other woman doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so maybe your brother is able to accept it and go see your dad. Your brother isn't showing disrespect for your mom. He didn't cause your father to do what he did, but he does have to move forward, release the anger and keep going. I wish the best for your mom and hope she also is able to move on and find happiness with someone.
2007-06-05 22:31:19 · answer #2 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can understand why your mon is furious but i think what your brother is doing is not wrong either. firstly, every couple has their own set of problems in their marriages. your parents too and they may be battling their own problems for the past 25 years and sometimes it takes someone or something to push the person to make a decision - to leave the marriage but that does not mean that the person is the cause of the break-up or break down of the marriage. it might be better for you to speak to your dad if you want to understand what went on between him and your mom. i think your brother has demonstrated maturity and sensitivity towards the whole situation. can you imagine having the whole family turned against you and how unfair that would be when all you know is parts of the truth. maybe it's time to talk openly about them...
2007-06-05 23:31:42 · answer #3 · answered by labrin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your brother is not condoning the fact that this other women destroyed the marriage, I think he is trying to spend time with his dad and if that lady makes your dad happy then hey that's his business. He's not getting in the middle of all that drama he just wants a relationship with his dad. Your mother need not be mad at her son for something that her and your dad are dealing with. That's their problem not your brothers and I'm not trying to be mean nor harsh just reality
2007-06-05 22:37:19 · answer #4 · answered by hez_able 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you have to tolerate other people for the sake of the ones you love. Your Dad apparently loves this woman and you might not know the dynamics of his previous relationship with your mother. You can hate what happened between your parents but it is between him and your mother so if you still love your father and want to you should spend time with him before you have regrets.
2007-06-05 22:35:29 · answer #5 · answered by Nancy D. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a really sad situation. You don't know all of the circumstances so you shouldn't judge. Your father was wrong, of course, but he is still your father. My father did the same thing to my mom. He ultimately divorced wife #2, but finally found happiness with #3. He died in March and I'm glad that we remained in contact. It's not something you can ever go back and get.
2007-06-05 22:29:39 · answer #6 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as a wife and a mother i can understand her pain, it may not be as easy for your brother to stay around this woman as you think, it may be that he just wants a relationship with his Father cause he loves him too. if your brother actually likes the other woman then he has accepted the affair and has let them know it was ok. talk to your brother and ask him if he even thought about how his "MOM" felt about him going near her
2007-06-05 22:32:16 · answer #7 · answered by Sparky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your mother has no right to get upset at your brother. she needs to learn how to handle her anger with your father. These things happen. She should be able to heal from the divorce by now. I think she needs some counseling. ITs not your brothers fault, But she should understand that that is your brothers and your Father, and you shouldnt just cut your parents out of your life because they made a mistake. Kids make mistakes too, but our parents dont cut us out of their lives, they try to help us and comfort us when we make mistakes.
Its been many years since this all happened, its time for everyone to move on. ITs ok to try to get along with this woman, she might end up as your step mother.
i love my step parents and i've only had them for a few years. Ididnt grow up with them. My parents had a nasty divorce too, but they got over it and are now friends. and happily married to other people. Its only been 6 years with them.
2007-06-05 22:30:53 · answer #8 · answered by mannasox 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My daughter-in-law is in the same situation. Her father had an affair with a woman two years older than she. My son, daughter-in-law and the kids go to see grandpa and his new wife regularly. Her mother is rather bitter, but deals with it I suppose.
I think your brother needs to continue doing what he thinks is best and everyone else should try to respect his decisions.
2007-06-05 22:33:30 · answer #9 · answered by Randy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your father divorced your mother not the children. He still loves and care about both of you. It appears your mother want the children to choice sides, instead of loving both parents. There had to be other issues in their marriage in other than the affair, which did not occur until after 25 years of marriage.
2007-06-05 22:42:29 · answer #10 · answered by oldcorps1947 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋