resentment growing can marriage counseling help?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 6 years. When we first got together it was as if I had found a missing part of life...people said we were the "perfect couple". A year and a half ago I had some serious health issues and was placed on medication that helped to cause a " mental breakdown". My health has improved quite a bit but I am still not released to return to work. I am having real difficulty with my husband’s lack of compassion, controlling behaviors and always being at the bottom of the priorities. He does not hit me, curse at me or cheat on me. He just will not listen to me, makes me beg for any money and treats strangers with far more courtesy. I have never felt resentment like this before...it is almost solid. I DO love my husband but right now I do not like him at all and don't want to be near him. I would like opinions from anyone who has been there

Answer 1

The trick about counseling is that you want to let it work. If you husband is going to go there and frump and grump, you accomplish nothing

Answer 2

I was there for 20 years. I had three children by the time I realized who he really was. I lost a few I loved, through death and I realized that life is short. I got a divorce and found I was much happier alone, than when I was with him.
Only you can make this decision. He sounds like he is just taking you for granted but if that's the case, get some counseling, get some help. No offense to men, but they don't usually figure it out till they see you walk out the door.

Answer 3

I would try counseling. But from the sounds of it, he may not go along. I would go a couple times. If he refuses to go after a month or so. I'd have to say divorce him....That's just what I would do. Of course I am not in your situation, but that seems the best way to figure things out. If he no longer has interest in the marriage there is no reason to stay in it.

ALisha

Answer 4

1. Get professional counseling now if you want to save your sanity and your marriage.
You have a resentment, which means to refeel. So you are reliving past events over and over b/c you can't get beyond them.
Then pray for sanity and emotional well-being. You will have to do some serious soul serching to figure out what part that you have in that resentment. You can't change someone else but you can change how you feel about a situation. Right now you are sick and seems like getting worse. Counseling for you my dear before you have a second melt down.

Answer 5

Have you considered that his appearance of lack of compassion may be due to the stress of the situation the two of you are currently under. The added strain of medical bills, the lost income from your job, trying to balance paying bills, working. It sounds like the "mental breakdown" damaged your relationship also. He may not be listening to you or other people because he is focus on his own problems. It is difficult for anyone to work all day and then come home day in and day out to pamper someone that is sick. One just starts becoming numb.

Answer 6

I think you should visit this site ( http://walkoutwoman.com/book_excerpt.aspx?ISBN=1590522672 ); alot of women can relate with you and the pain you have.

Book Description
Every woman longs to be appreciated, respected, and adored, but when her needs aren't met within her marriage, she could be tempted to walk away. As little hurts and disappointments accumulate and her heart hardens, a woman's loneliness and vulnerability take over, and she might find emotional fulfillment elsewhere, perhaps in even a casual encounter with another man. When the marriage enters this realm of real danger, the woman believes it will be less painful to walk away than try to work on it. With heart and wisdom, Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray offer practical advice for how to stop this epidemic of walk-out women. They outline the warning signs of severe marital discontent and share how to reconnect with your spouse, communicate your hurt, and open your heart. If both partners are willing to work at it, any marriage can be saved.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are still having mental problems if you want to get rid of him. The fact is it's hard to care for someone, often harder on the caregiver than the person who needs the care. He must be tired and worn down, and what is his reward...you want to kick him to the curb. Sounds like he would be better off without an ungrateful person like you.

You can try counseling, however it rarely works or for long. You need to snap out of it and see what you really have. If you start to treat him right, he will do the same to you.

Do this, instead of spending a huge sum on a counseling, why don't you send him on a nice long vacation without you. That way he can decide if he still wants to be with you, and you can decide if you still want him.

Answer 8

you answered the question for yourself. you love him which tells me that you are willing to do whatever to make this marriage work. i would first say to ask him what is it that is really bothering him. find the core reason behind this bitterness and resentment. maybe after such a long time he is tired of everything weighing on his shoulders. maybe he needs time off to relax. if he donest even know why he acts like that then ask him if he would be willing to go to counseling with you. go as a couple to find out what each of you can do to make this work. i pray this helps you.

Answer 9

Marriage counseling is a good idea, but he most likely won't go, so go yourself. You can't change him, but you can learn to change yourself. Knowledge is your best weapon. Learn about mentally abusive spouses. Learn what you can do to not be his doormat anymore.

Answer 10

Based on what you said, your husband is a GOOD husband.

If he has not abused you, consider yourself lucky.

Just try to see it his way. How do you think he feels if he becomes the sole income provider in your home. And he is tired after a hard days work.

As much as you have health problems, your husband also have his own big problems.

Yes, you should go for counselling.