The problem is I have been with another man for a year since the married one and I broke up. The second one and i have our problems and now that the first one is available and sitll wants me, I am confused as to what to do. During the affair over a year ago I loved him with all my heart. The man I am with now is tottaly devoted to me but there are some problems that we can't seem to work out.. Help, what do I do. How do I figure out which one would be best the best match for me?
2007-06-05 15:05:55 · 16 answers · asked by Carol W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you considered why you are in your current relationship?
Every relationship has some problems. And it appears you are not very committed to your current relationship.
You said the affair relationship man still wants you, have you considered it may be just for sex, often in affairs individuals really don't get to know each other all that well.
If you are looking for a long term relationship this information maybe helpful.
Years of research by psychologist have shown that most long-term marriages have some very common factors. Lack of any two or more of these factors indicates there is high probability the marriage will not last. (Long term –is defined as a marriage of more than 20 years)
1. Both parties married at age 25 or older.
2. Religious compatible (example: Jews + Hindu just do not work)
3. Common goals (someone likes a simple life, not chasing material wealth or career and some that is very goal minded for gaining as much material wealth as possible, together they do not make a lasting marriage. Another example, a conflict over having children).
4. Social economical compatible (poor + rich only works in the movies)
5. Financial responsible (debt is the number one cause of divorce)
6. Open Communications (agree that it is ok not to agree, tell each other your most hidden secrets, keeping the secrets from everyone, no name calling, and etc)
7. Both parties are very much alike (opposite may attract, but they do not make for a lasting marriage)
8. Sexual compatible (variety in sexual act + partner that finds some acts repulsive, does not make a lasting marriage.
9. Both individuals are not egoist. (a egoist believes that everyone would be happy by making them happy)
2007-06-05 15:22:03 · answer #1 · answered by oldcorps1947 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you have to ask that question,I say neither one is right for you. You should know who you love.
Why would you trust the first one anyway when he had an affair with you? He would be the last on my list cause once a cheater,always a cheater.
If you have no time to work out your problems with no.2 then I would say move on.There are no problems that can't be solved if you work at it.A relationship is a hard job and needs to be worked on everyday the same as a marriage.If he's not worth that,well then???
Remember,the first wife of no. 1 will still have top priority on his money so the finacial problem may still be there.You may want to think about that since it was the excuse the first time.
Anyway,I wish you luck.
2007-06-05 15:20:31 · answer #2 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yikes, you really got slaughtered out there.
I think if you're doubting the relationship your in, you need to take a break. But if you're doubting it just because guy #1 is suddenly available, then the problem is probably with you and your abillity to commit, and not with the relationship, in which case it may not be fair to either guy for you try a relationship with them right now.
2007-06-05 15:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you didn't mention what kind of finance problems you had with the married man you had an affair with, but at the time you were seeing him he was "married" and "cheating" with you, so now you have 2 problems with this guy, one he is either broke or irresponsible and he cheats on the ones he has vows with, the new guy you mentioned is devoted to you and has done nothing wrong to you, i say stay where you are they call them "exes" for a reason. what you had with the married guy is long gone, save yourself the heart ache of him cheating on you
2007-06-05 15:19:55 · answer #4 · answered by Sparky 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, get your tubes tied so that you do not have any chance of getting pregnant since you cannot commit to anything. Now you can run around with whomever you would like and ruin other peoples relationships by being a worthless pos.
2007-06-05 15:10:40 · answer #5 · answered by Rob R 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Hi! things happen for a reason, you should turn away from relationships for now, I would say God wants your attention, do you know that Jesus loves you, and wants your heart, He loves us so much that He died for our sins, seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things will be handed to you.....God bless you
2007-06-05 15:45:54 · answer #6 · answered by Bert 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Happilymarried. I don't think YOU'RE right for either of the guys. Let them both go. Go figure out why you can't be loyal. You're not going to be right for anybody for quite a while.
2007-06-05 15:12:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
just a pointer - as soon as you mention the words, "I had an affair" on these boards you are opening yourself to crucifixion. People here dont have much sympathy for women in your situation.
2007-06-05 15:09:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
why dont you try single men and you wont have those problems fooling around with married men is like playing with fire you never know your burn till it happens and to think what about his wife you interfeered in anothers home think if it was you in her place how would you feel i think you get the idea i hope so before it.s to late. just my opion?
2007-06-05 15:13:55 · answer #9 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The best one for you is the one you r in love w/ and the one who will SHARE your life!!!
2007-06-05 15:37:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋