Should I be jealous of his ex?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. We broke up once because he cheated on me. When we got back together, I told him that he had to make a choice, to sacrifice, which was we BOTH got rid of people in our lives (ex, opposite-sex friends) that caused problems between us. He chose to make this sacrifice as I did.

Then just last week, I had found out he was talking to his ex (not the one he cheated on me with). She was the seriously relationship before me, but she had cheated on him when they were dating. Top it off he's using his younger brother to hide talking to her from me too. I confronted him about it and he denied it. But later that day he wanted to know how I found out.

To me, I consider an ex an ex for a reason. She's his past and they broke up for a reason, so why does he need to see and talk to her again, especially since she two-timed him. And if he made that promise to me when we got back together, then he should keep it.

WHAT DO I DO!?!??!

Btw, by opposite-sex friends, it was only two people. One was a guy friend of mine he had a problem with. The other was A female friend of his that used to flirt with him. Other than that it was mainly ex's.

Answer 1

That he spoke to his ex is not really the problem. That he lied to you about the situation is the real issue. You may have given your BF an ultimatum but it may not be a realistic one. It may be hard to be rid of absolutely everyone he was ever involved with. After all, they are still sharing the planet earth and they may show up where he is without any prior knowledge by him. What is he suppose to do? Act like they don't exist? If that is what you really expect you are being very controlling, childish and unfair. The two of you need to learn how to communicate better. Lying isn't an option. That only breaks down communication. Other people aren't your problem. If you two have a good and solid relationship no one else can ruin it. Your jealousy is going to do nothing but put a wedge between you and him. If you don't feel you can trust him, dump him. Otherwise learn to accept that he has a past and just because he speaks to others doesn't mean he wants to rekindle old flames. Also, discuss with him the importance of honesty in your relationship. If he can't be honest with you then that will cause your relationship to fall as quickly as your insecurity.

Answer 2

Sounds to me that you are insecure and understandably so since he has cheated in teh past.....however, this is nothing that you need to put yourself through. When you ask to put aside all x's and opposite sex friends....then it will become an issue. If you have to have boyfriends or girlfriends in this manner then it is just not worth it, you will both end up resenting each other for demanding this type of relationship. If you are this insecure, then you need to move on and find someone to build a trusting relationship with...where neither of you have to say that you cannot talk to any of your x's, nor friends of the opposite sex.....But first you need to do some soul searching to find happiness and security within yourself first....otherwise it will never work.

Answer 3

She is a part of his past. Does it make sense to come to terms with what went wrong, forgive the person and co-exist as friends? Or does it make more sense to cut that person out of photos and pretend he never existed? Me? I'm gonna date the first guy because he's way more sane and reasonable!

I have an ex who had a previous ex's clothes stored in his guest room (they were too nice to throw away and she might decide she wanted them) and after four years her mail was still being delivered to his house. I met her. She was pretty cool and I rather liked her which didn't surprise me. But he wasn't with her because the relationship didn't work.

And now he and I aren't together because our relationship didn't work. But we still talk, email and hang out. We go out to shows and sometimes we'll spend a day together doing yard work or tooling around on country roads. Do we want to date? Hell no! But we both like and respect one another and I know he'll always be there for me just as I will for him.

Any guy I date who tries to tell me to end that relationship had better hope the door doesn't hit him on his way out...

Answer 4

Cheating, sneaking, lying...the only thing different in this scenario and a soap opera is no cheesy title! If he has lied to you and cheated on you before, what, you think he had an epiphany? A spiritual awakening? Of course not! He's going to do it again! Why hold him to a promise when he's obviously a creep? You can find someone else who won't treat you like this. Move on.

Answer 5

get rid of him never take back a cheater you should have more respect and self worth than to take back a man that cheated on you in the first place and it sounds like hes planing on cheating on you again or already has done the deed.

if he was honestly just trying to be freinds with his ex he would have been honest and told you sooner instead of you finding out later on about it hes sneaking simple conversations with her chances are hes cheating on you again

Answer 6

If he is hiding it then he feels there is a reason to hide it. Maybe it is nothing, then again maybe it is everything. If you both made a choice to make a sacrifice and he is not abiding by it then it might be time to start worrying about it.

Answer 7

Relax, as you said, an ex is an ex for a reason. But that does not mean that they cannot be friends. Relax, let him have friends, but keep an eye peeled for any signs that he may be cheating on you. He probably just thought that you would spaz if you knew that he was talking to her. Watch out for them, and if you see them flirting or anything, tell him to cut it out.

Answer 8

Iceberg dead ahead! Sounds like potential trouble. Tell him a relationship is based on respect and fidelity. To feel secure with the relationship, you must feel secure with him. Tell him not to sneak, that snakes sneak. Ask if he's a snake. Poke this fellow with a sharpe stick. See if he wants out of your relationship. If yes, cut the cord quickly.

Answer 9

Stop being so controlling. If he likes what he haves at home, he won't cheat. It is ok to have opp. sex friends so long as they are just friends. If he is so unhappy with his life at home that he goes out behind your back after only two years, you have got to lighten up. Sorry that i am being so harsh, but it is the truth.

Answer 10

keep in mind that you cannot make decisions for someone else, you can only make decisions for yourself. obviously he is lying. If that is not a quality you like in a significant other, then maybe you should reconsider being with him.