Should I have kids?

Question

Hello everyone. This might seem like an unusual question to ask on Yahoo but I wanted to ask anyway. My wife and I have been married for a couple of years now and we haven't convinced ourselves yet whether we should have kids or not. I would love to have a little boy or girl running around. But at the same time, I know that I'd be missing out on many other things because of the time and obligations of raising a child. Not to mention that raising kids are expensive. On the other hand, I don't want to be 50 years old and have a void in my life. So my question is...Has anyone decided not to have kids in their lives that are in their 40's or 50's now? And if so, do you have regrets? Do you feel like you have a certain void in your life? Vice versa, for those that have had children, do you wish that you could go back and not have had them( I promise that I won't tell your kids=) )? I guess I just want to know if life is incomplete if you never have children. Thanks guys!

Answer 1

LOL, kids are worth having. I adore mine, and I enjoy my grandchildren more than anything in the world. You have not even lived until you have a child of your own. Sure, they may cost you money, but the return is priceless. So, by all means....go make a baby.

Answer 2

I am 42 I have a son that is 14 a daughter that is 13 and SURPRISE !!! A son the is 4. I have no regrets. In fact I enjoy the 4 year old much more now than I did when my first was 4 years old.
Things are very setteled now, a stable life, no worries like when we had our first 14 years ago.

No do I say wait? No, this is between you and the Mrs. There are good and bad about both sides.

If you have 1 child at 42 you will be 60 when he/she graduates high school.

Does that help you out?

Answer 3

Ok...I will offer you a totally different perspective. I am 34 years old and do not have the desire to have children. Basically, I'm childfree by choice. I don't brag about this yet I constantly receive flack for my choice. It has NOTHING to do with anyone elses choice...yet I still receive constant criticism and flack for something that is different. I want to give you MUCH KUDOS for taking the time to think about this decision before actually deciding on it. As you have noticed...some people don't think before they act. I would strongly suggest that you do not talk about this decision to anyone but your wife. Because family members (as I'm sure you have already received the 'when are you going to give me grand babies' questions already), co-workers, total strangers and even anonymous people will give you their two cents in regards to what THEY think you should do. If anyone asks...simply reply 'that's none of your business.' Because it's really not. Do you have any brothers or sisters who have children? then you can be a wonderful uncle and your wife a wonderful aunt. Just because you are not having YOUR OWN children doesn't mean that you cannot have them be a part of your life in some meaningful way. Yes, having children and raising them is more than a full time job...it's a lifestyle. I would research your many options that you have in regards to impacting the lives of children (without making your own). Besides...this world is overcrowded as it is and there are plenty of other children who are neglected (in many ways) who need someone to guide them in the right direction. someone who can show them that they are loved and cared for (in many ways). Just because you may decide not to have children doesn't mean that you are missing out on anything. You have taken the time to think about this decision which is more than what some people do these days. Just because you don't have first hand expierence doesn't mean that you don't know. You know or you would not be asking these questions. You can be 50 years old and have a meaningful life by your definition and by your standards and by what YOU want to do. there are lots of activities out there that welcome people of all ages. You have to just go look for them. Hobbies, outdoor activities, building meaningful friendships. Lots and lots of things. Don't let anyone tell you that all there is to life is to grow up, marry, have kids then you die. Cause that is not true. While it is true that some people chose to have children...others do not. If you want...try going to any search engine and put in the word 'childfree.' it must be spelled as 'childfree' not 'child free.' you will get a multitude of websites about this. This childfree movement is no secret. I think that the only reason why this is not advertised on mainstream media is because (1) people fear what they do not know (2) people fear what is different (3) the media is constantly advertising the 'perfect' family and the 'perfect' life script life which is far from reality (3) just about every developed nation is having some sort of 'birth decline' or that their birth rates are not increasing...so they will do everything possible to increase birth rates and to make sure that the country doesn't fall apart becuase of lack of births. I hope that I was able to help. I love being an aunty. I would not trade this for the world. ...oh...and I got my tubal ligation about 3 years ago. If you are sure that you don't want any children you may want to look into some permanent birth control. for you a vasectomy and for her either essure or a tubal where the tubes are burned or cut. but be willing to receive some flack from the practicing medical community as well. if one doctor turns you down..keep looking until you do find one that will do this for you. if you are in your 20s then you both may have trouble finding willling doctors that will perform the operations. i will post some websites below that i frequent (most are discussion boards).

Answer 4

I have two children 1 I had when i was 24 the other I had at 39. you dont give your age. Having such a large gap between my own I can honestly say that I have enjoyed my 2nd child far more than I did my first. I seem to have more patience with my second. i remember with my first feeling I was missing out that my life was being put on hold. With my second I feel I am older and wiser with a better depth of understanding. I would never be with out either of them, you'll know when the time is right for you. just chill - enjoy your life and wait and see what happens - good luck

Answer 5

This is hard. I would never, EVER go back and not have my kids. I didnt want to be in my 30s when I had children (or 40s and 50s). I personally think its quite selfish to have kids in your 50s. You're basically robbing them of part of their child hood.


As yourself this, Do you want to be 70 moving them into college? 80 walking them down the isle? You cant just think of when they are babies you have to think of them as adults too. Do you want them to lose their parents while they are in their 20s or 30s? Do you want to never meet your grandkids? Those are all of the questions that I asked myself and decided to have kids at a young age. Once they are grown up my husband and I can enjoy our lives together during retirement.

Honestly, Having kids is HARD. Its hard work, its hard on a womans body. I cant imagine ever doing what I do now at 50! I couldnt keep up.


Read into the parenting section to see the questions about how exhausting it is. Maybe some of those answers can help you decide.

Answer 6

You are never ready for kids you learn as you go, if you are somewhat selfish(don't take it wrong) then don't have any. I had my first when I was 17 my second at 20 and my third at 26. Its hard, and time consuming stressful crazy house like a zoo no sleep some times hardly no money, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Its an indescribable type of love that consumes you. If and when you have your you will know exactly what I am talking about. Good luck ! p.s. you will never be completely ready for them until they are grown off to college and married with kids then you will be ready. HaHaha!

Answer 7

You listed some very good points about having children, but think about everything. I have not even thought about kids, because I am still too young (in my opinion), but ask yourself, 'Am I really ready?' Do you have a stable job? Do you have a big enough house? Do you want to live with a noisy child for years? Do you want to be asked thousands of questions? Would your patience hold up? Those are just a few of the many questions that you have to ask yourself. I'm you you have thought hours upon hours about these things, but think about them again. I myself have 5 siblings, and we fight some, are you willing to break up fights if you have more than 1 child? Also think about the food, it gets expensive. And the car, and the clothes, and the bed, and the toys, and the hours upon hours of playing and cleaning, and doing stuff that you don't really want to do. Think about all these things. Contemplate about them. Talk with your wife some more, believe in yourself, and more importantly believe in God.

Answer 8

The best advice I have ever received in my life has always been "If you're not absolutely sure, stay exactly where you are." If you're not positive that you're ready to have kids, don't. It looks like you and your wife have already been reasonably responsible thus far, don't blow it by jumping head first into something that you "haven't convinced yourselves of yet". Having children (when you're ready for them) is something you can hardly wait to do, you're so excited, you're checking pregnancy tests, asking to hold other people's babies, looking at nursery room decor online, that kind of stuff. If that doesn't sound like you guys, wait a little longer. I know plenty of couples who are having children in their forties and I also know a few who decided to never have children and are very happy enjoying each other. Whatever you decide, make sure you're sure! Good luck!!

Answer 9

Did you not have this conversation with your wife prior to marriage? If you want kids, then have them. If you are financially and emotionally secure, then move forward with your decision. Of course, kids are expensive but the rewards of having them are immense. And the things that you would be missing are nothing like the things you would gain by having children. But only you and your wife can make this decision. Having children is a great responsiblity and a gift and a way to understand something that without them you would never understand.

Answer 10

I think you would make a great dad and she would be a good mom. Simply, because you thought about it long and hard. I love the fact that I have 3 kids. What I'm beginning to go through now is... the empty nest syndrome. They are 16,17,7. My girls have the same birthday, but born 10 years apart.The teens are in early out school. They have until next school semester and they will be entering college. So that will leave only the 7 year old. I'm 40 but very fertile and yet to old. So please have your kid. It would be a great enjoyment. Maybe you can name me Internet- granny (ha ha ha )

Answer 11

Everyone must decide for themselves. You and your wife must agree now on your decesion. I am 53, gave up millionare because of his age and not wanting kids. I would rather die that not have 2 sons, 2 daughter n laws, 1 adopted 19 yr old granddaughter that just had baby boy, 2 granddaughters 8 & 5. All the kids are 1 sons--the other son married girl who couldn't have kids and he didn't marry until he was 28, so he knew what he was giving up with no kids.