fiance changed our plans because his ex wife had "something" come up(date with new bf) am i wrong to be hurt

Question

I made plans with my fiance over a mouth ago to go away for the weekend(had to change my work schedule to go)We have his son every other weekend and this was our weekend not to have him.Well his exwife emailed him last night to switch weekends because she wanted to go to a wedding sat. night with her new bf.well i reminded him our plans but he just ignored me and called her back and said he could do it.after he got of the phone with her i just looked at him in shock and he just said why are u so f-cking miserable?I told her i was bringing him back sunday am the shows not till 1 pm.Well thats true BUT our plans were to stay over sat. night and go to the show in the afternoon(we live 4 yrs away from the city)Now we have to drop his son off and race to the city to see the show only no siteseeing.Now this is not a 1 time deal she does this all the time and my bf allways agrees regardless of our plans.Why?Plus this DOES NOT give him more time with his son they are just switch their time.

they have joint custody so she can't keep him from seeing his son if he does not do what she wants

Answer 1

Honestly, I don't blame you for being bent out of shape over this. You made plans. So, go without him. I would not waste my weekend sitting around wanting to gouge his eyeballs out. Have fun!

Answer 2

So he gets him every other weekend? but this doesnt mean he'll get him two weekends in a row? See I could understand if he was doing this to get more time with his son, and its good that him and his exwife are still civil and willing to help eachother its better than a horrible no speaking and using the kid. Unfortunately, he hurts your feelings so it needs to be addressed, now, today, like yesterday, or you will be spending the rest of your life playing second to his child(that i could understand child first) and second to his ex wife, which that i wouldnt tolerate. You need to tell him that breaking plans all the time is very inconsiderate. How old are you? Have you considerd dating someone without kids? I mean you sound like you want to do all the couple things and he doesnt seem to like to and you say this isnt the first time maybe he is the type you thought since he puts his ex before you, so why even be engaged to someone who still acts married to their ex? and it wont get better unless you talk about set your feelings on the table and then stick to your guns -

Answer 3

If he's not willing to put his foot down about scheduling issues, he never will be. To him it's not as big of a deal, obviously. I think it would be different if he was getting more time with his son, but to accomodate the ex that way seems ridiculous. We have a blended family, and my hubby's ex has done that occasionally, but we make plans so infrequently for the two of us, that we both try our hardest NOT to let anyone else's scheduling issues throw us off. The ex does sometimes change her mind last minute, but we've learned to go with the flow. It bugs my hubby more than it does me most the time, because hubby does a great job of making me feel important. Your man is not doing that for you, and you need to consider that he probably won't change after the wedding....you need to decide what you can and can't live with before you get married.

Answer 4

I think it does suck when you have plans and stuff happens but thats life. I strongly think that you need to understand one huge thing no matter what the kids should will and does always come first. You should realize that when you got with him he came with a package. It won't be the last time that something like this will happen if you can't handle it then you should find a man with no kids. Rightfully so the child should come before you and your bf. THe child is the most important thing you will always take the backseat for the kid. You have the right to be a little upset, its normal to be but if you are going to marry him then be ready that this could and probably happen again and you have no say it is between both parents but you could talk to your bf and tell him to tell the ex that to please try to avoid schedule conflicts.

Answer 5

well being the gf, then the fiance, now the wife, i iknow that the ex can control everything when it comes to the kids. you have to speak up, but he will tell you that its HIS son, and you are being overreactive, trust me you are not. If you marry him, the ex wife doesnt go away. And if you marry before she does, look out., I married my husband, he had 2 daughters, ages 9 and 11, had a great relatioinship with the youngest daughter, as soon as we got married, and she saw how well we were doing, she brainwashed the girl, (now 15) to come live with her, resulting in her dad not seeing her for the past 3 years. the oldest one, now 18, lives with us and we have no issues. dont let the ex dictate to you, if your man doesnt have what it takes to stand up to her and say NO< really consider marrying him. It will be an obstacle in your life forever.

Answer 6

"Now this is not a 1 time deal she does this all the time and my bf allways agrees regardless of our plans." Why are you blaming your fiance's ex for something that is clearly HIS fault? HE has the option of telling her "No" when she wants to change plans at the last minute. If he doesn't have the backbone to do so that isn't HER fault. So the problem you have isn't with her it is with him.

Answer 7

Part of the problem may be that he feels guilty for not being with his son all the time. And when you say she does this all the time, does she for real or does it seem so? This is what you're signing on to and you need to ask yourself whether this man and his extra baggage is worth tying yourself to.

Answer 8

Time to cut the ties, sweetie. If he is willing to make you second place now, it will not stop after the I do's.

Get out now.

ADD ON:

YOU come first. God's first institution was MARRIAGE, not parenthood. (I said first, not only. Don't you dare try to sever the relationship between parent and child.) His relationship is already established with the kid, and it sounds like a good one. But he has no right to put you on the back burner.

The ex is seeing just how much he can be manipulated and he is allowing it.

If you stay in this relationship, I doubt things will change. Good luck.

Answer 9

You need to have a serious talk with him. He does need to respect your plans and you are right to be hurt. If he's not going to respect your relationship, it's probably not worth continuing it sorry to say.. but have a good talk to him first, stand your ground and make sure you are heard.. the rest is up to him.

PS: Yes the kids come first, and you should expect that things may come up with them from time to time, but he cannot expect you to change your plans all the time unnecessarily without even consulting you.You should be a priority in his life too, and if he isn't making you one, it will never work.

Answer 10

take his son with you and have a "family weekend" whats the big deal? If you are going to marry this man, you have to realize that his kids and him are a package deal, be a good MOM. Also remember that the ex wife will always be in your life too. It would be wise of you to accept those facts honey.

Answer 11

This will be your life if you want to continue with this man. You can be hurt all you want but it won't change him. If this isn't how you envision the rest of your life with him, then you have to make a decision to put up with it or leave him. This is a red flag for you. What you do with it is up to you.