Should i just let go of this situation?

Question

For 5 years i have been a victim of bullying. Kids in my grade have isolated me, talked behind my back, made up and lied stuff about me for no reason and have caused me to lose friends. Well school is almost over and if things go the way they should, i will graduate but this situation will still be in my head. I have told people all those years but someone finally listened to me but unfortuanatly my mom seems to go back and fourth on the issue. one minute she worries about the bullying, next minute its my faullt. This thing is starting to affect me in many ways and i can't take it anymore. Should i continue bringing it up and hoping things will improve or just forget about it all and Let go?

Answer 1

Sounds like both you and your mom would benefit from being able to let go or forgive the messed up situation, and not try to place blame which can get you more entangled in it.

When people are developing socially, it is normal for people to divide into groups, judge who is in which group, and pick on or gang up on those left out of certain groups. This is not ideal behavior, but it happens in the "learning curve" while people are developing social awareness and responsibility.

If you can use this problem to learn, study and teach from, where you benefit and see it in a positive light, then it is okay to go back and analyze and try to understand it if it helps you to have closure and release any bad feelings associated with it. However, if it merely hurts more to think of it, it may be better to let go emotionally first, use spiritual counseling and prayer to work through that negativity that has you feeling trapped as you are now, and break through, give it back and let it go.

After you feel free from the burden, maybe you could go back and understand where it came from and why people go through these things.

Your mom also seems stuck in wanting you to be free of this, but also wanting to know why the conflicts happened or could not be resolved. Somewhere in there, forgiveness helps to let go of the negativity so a logical solution can be worked out. So if you can find a way to forgive it first, whether or not you fully understand why or who did what, then I think the answers you seek can come to you to give you real closure where your mind fully understands the circumstances.

It is probably a mix of people's faults, mostly fear of confrontation of differences, that cause these things to go in circles unresolved. If you can forgive the factors that separate you socially, and the ignorance that people chose to keep hurting you instead of understanding your pain and sympathizing, you can be freed of this burden. Many people take the pain or fear or judgment they feel from their parents or peers, and project that onto someone else to make them feel more powerful to "compensate" for their own insecurity.

So for whatever reason people are doing this, if you can understand they are not really powerful, but weak and afraid. You can see they are not really in control, but are trying to make you feel the way they do. The truly powerful people are so knowledgeable and wise, they treat all people with compassion and do not judge anyone because they either see the greater circumstances, or trust there are higher reasons for things they cannot see and cannot judge.

So anyone who picks on you is not as strong as they appear. If nothing else comes from this, I hope you can see that and give yourself credit for not hurting others as they have hurt you. To me, that makes you the superior person, so if you can take satisfaction in knowing that, then you should not feel any shame for the mistreatment or judgment which is merely a reflection on them and not on you. You only have to answer for your own actions, which define your character, so if you have done nothing retaliatory to them and especially if you forgive them and rise above their behavior instead of stooping to it, then you will have proven yourself a worthy person of conscience and character. I hope you can do that and come away from this as a better person.

Take care and congratulations on your graduation despite these setbacks. I hope you can see the good overcome the bad here; many people who were picked on in school became more sensitive and aware of the vulnerable members of society and used their experiences to make the world a better place in the future. I hope you feel better very soon, and I'm sorry for your troubles.

Best wishes, Emily

Answer 2

My answer is a resounding YES. I think that everyone falls into relationships and situations which end up being Toxic. How nice it would be if we could always predict the results of our decisions to take a certain job or accept a certain person into our lives. How nice it would be to not HAVE to take the job or accept the person, but REALITY dictates that we must earn money & have good relations with certain people (relatives, near-by neighbors, co-workers) to have an over-all peaceful & functional existence. To achieve this, we have to sell ourselves out on occassion, or perhaps even routinely............ 1. Showing up daily to a job which tears you up inside because you don't want your family to suffer, and no other job possibility is at hand. And doing what you must on the job so you keep it! An enormous number of people have job burnout which is a serious detriment to mental & physical health. 2. Staying in a dead marriage because you can't financially afford to split & your kids would suffer. 3. Living somewhere you hate because that's where the work is. 4. Spending time with boring in-laws/family for the over-all good. These are just a few very common examles. Yes, you make these compromises, but I don't think that it changes you. The fact that it makes you so miserable shows that you are in great conflict. If you actually change inside to adapt to the situation, then there would be compatibility and you would be just fine with it ! You are selling out by your ACTIONS only - not acting in a way true to yourself. But YOUR SELF is not changing, it's rebelling like crazy! I did this for most of my career because I had responsibilities that were paramount. Still, I paid in health problems. You CAN do many things to lighten the affects of these predicaments, both internally and in your external life. But, if someone says they can" Transcend" these situations, they are either a highly evolved being, haven't been there or are fooling themselves.

Answer 3

Good question. You sound bright and articulate. It will be difficult at first to get over it, and some of the memories will stay with you forever (shudder...). But please try to remember that your time in school is only a fraction of your life. You must learn to let it go. Just like you, I was harassed for no reason during my school years, and I too hated it and thought it would never end. But it did eventually end; I moved on, and today I have a sweet life and a great job. You are perfectly capable of doing the same.
You may not have many friends at your school, but you will have more in the future and you do have them here.

Answer 4

your a victim of your thoughts of the bullying..

i would recommend reading Loving What Is by byron katie..

or looking at her website.. and then the book.. She does the work method with all ages.. the thing is the bullying is ending
but if you replay it over and over in your mind.. who is more merciful the bullying parties or you.. When you play this over and over you are hurting you worse than they ever did..

With the work you can let it go and move on.. I hope you try it.. best wishes.. I used to be a victim as well.. and im working
on it.. we are really victims of what we play over and over in our heads.. And we have control over that.. we dont have
control over others actions but we dont have to have.. we just need to look at our thoughts.. and question them..

Try the katie work i think you will find help.. if you want to
no longer be a victim.. love, rh

Answer 5

I suffered similar experiences back in high school. The only thing that mattered to me was that my Mother DID take up for me and told me I was special. That made it easier to bear. But yes, put it behind you and make a new life. My youth made me incredibly strong and I suggest you take this and use it for strength. After all, after what we have stood, we can do anything. And love ourselves.

Answer 6

I would seek legal advice and if you are experiencing daily harrassment it IS traumatic and can affect how you will deal with social situations in the future. I detest bullying and the worst thing is when school officials stand by and let it happen.

Answer 7

whateverr you doo dont keep it innn. find someone to talkk tooo. ive been made fun off too manyy timesss. you just gotta kno that you are better then what you sayy and poeple who sayy stuff behind your backkk....yea well eitherr there just a bitchh or there jealous of something that you haveee. just dont show that it bothers youu cuz it just eggs umm onnn. good luckkk with ittt =]

Answer 8

I love ya
Stay strong
Forgive and forget\
God will deal with them
I love yall
Hugs
Love ya

Answer 9

stupid children. they'll pay for it later just become really sucssesful and show them biothches or tell them to stfu