Hi .. I am 36 and single going to be 37 on june 17 th ( having bit of birthday blues ) .....i never married because i never found the right woman and now i am bit set in my ways to contemplate marriage ... i am in a reasonably dead end job ..... in the accepted meaning of the term i am a failure . ... but i have kicked alcoholism 8 years back after a 6 year affair with the bottle .. i have overcome dire poverty to have an existence and have changed from being a wimp to having a rather pleasant personality ..... am i being too harsh on myself just because i do not have a wife and mandatory two and half kids and a dog ... and have not yet been able to accumulate assets like house , or started saving for retirement .......
does anyone know a good motivation , self help website ?
i believe like Rocky ... " it is not how hard you get hit and stand up which matters .. but how hard you can get hit and keep moving ..... " is that a good mantra to have ?
2007-06-05 13:21:38 · 21 answers · asked by atma ram 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
uh forgot to mention that i am from india ... but i am very cosmopolitan so your answers are welcome where ever you are in the world ..
2007-06-05 13:22:42 · update #1
You aren't a "loser". Sounds like you won your battle with the bottle. You may eventually find some woman, and have the usual family. Meanwhile, you could get the dog, if you are living where that is permitted. Just keep on doing what you are doing, and you'll be alright.
2007-06-05 13:27:25 · answer #1 · answered by Beau R 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't call you a loser at all. I think it's wonderful you kicked a drinking habit. I am 31 and married (to a guy who has a drinking problem), no kids. And I'll tell ya that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be (at least not mine). I think that you should enjoy being single and all the things that that entails (not reporting to a spouse, arguing over money, can decorate your place as you wish, etc.). The grass isn't always greener on the other side! If you don't like your job, you can always go back to college, or get a new job. Just be yourself and the right woman will come along some day...although she isn't just gonna show up at your doorstep. And no one has enough extra money to save for retirement! lol. I own my house, but on the flip side - renting sure was nice since I didn't have to pay for repairs and could just move somewhere else when the lease was up if I wanted to. Try to see the positive side of your situation, and whatever happens, happens. Good luck.
2007-06-05 13:34:06 · answer #2 · answered by animal_mother 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your problem isn't that you're a loser, your problem is that you grew up with traditional values and no one found a wife for you.
I commend you on the improvements you made to your life which make you more acceptable (from both your viewpoint and a female's viewpoint). Here we have what some people would say are dead end jobs however they are steady, a person becomes stable, and there are benefits to that kind of job.
I see by your thoughts you just talked yourself out of marriage, so what are your alternative plans? Like if you don't make and follow a map (of your plans) you might turn at the "Y" and return to where you started. Sounds to me like your map is faulty. So enroll in an accounting or banking class at your nearest college (even night school, or at a SBA workshop) and meet some females. If you don't advertise then no one will know you are around.
2007-06-09 23:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't base losings and winnings of your life on the standards that are placed on us by society. The only reason why you would have failed in your journey through life is if you believe that you are a failure. There are a lot of unhappy people in the world that are married and have great jobs. The only thing that I would or anyone else should expect from you is just what you expect from yourself. If at the end of your life you look back at your life and see nothing but regret of all the things you wished you would have done, that makes you a failure. If you know what you want to accomplish. No one is stopping you but yourself. Accomplish the goals you want to while you can and when you look back on your life, then you can say I succeeded. In the end just remember, life is what you make it.
2007-06-12 10:55:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, a loser huh? I don't think you are being too hard on yourself at all. I think you are looking for a friggin excuse to sit there feeling sorry for yourself. If you want to sit there saying "I'm a loser, I'm a loser, oh me, oh my" then SIT the f*ck there and whimper the rest of your sorry useless life . . .BUT if you are a REAL man, you'll suck it up, get some training to either get a better job or promotion in this one, and then start dating and find a wife. But you're so afraid that you will fail, so if you're scared, sit there saying what a loser you are and you'll have an excuse. Sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to hear but this is the way I see it.
Good Luck to you.
2007-06-12 06:42:41 · answer #5 · answered by Gardner? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you are a loser at all. you dont need the standard lifestyle if that isnt the type of life you want. and even if it is, you are only gonna be 37. if you don't like your job, then find something you do like. there's plenty of time for you. also, i would hardly call yourself a failure. you conquered alcoholism, which is a great accomplishment. addictions are hard, and a lot of people aren't that strong.
i don't have any self-help websites for you, but richard carlson has some really great self-help books if you want to look into that.
good luck! and happy birthday! :)
2007-06-05 13:32:55 · answer #6 · answered by Al R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not a loser. A loser is a person who doesn't work and living with his parents at 37. You have made changes in your life and that is what matters, just keep on doing that till you've got it all. Your motivation should be your dreams and that only. Hey, no pain, no gain.
Happy Birthday
2007-06-13 01:10:24 · answer #7 · answered by chocolaterain 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not a loser. from what you say you have made lots of positive changes in your life and that's what it's all about. the typical wife, two kids and a dog isn't for everyone. each of us has to find our own way. i am married but have chosen not to have kids so i don't fit the mold either. i have gay friends and they don't either. none of us are losers. maybe someday you'll meet the right woman, but if you don't it isn't the end of the world. there are tons of people that love being single and living life in the niche they've carved out for themselves. you are just you and it sounds like you're doing that the best you can. that's the polar opposite of a loser. happy birthday, by the way, indulge yourself and be content in your life.
2007-06-05 13:29:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
youre a not a loser. its good youve given up on alcoholism, that takes strength, and just that proves taht you have it in you to get past adversity. the fact taht you dont have a family and kids, certainly shouldnt get you down, because not everyone has to have that. if you believe you were meant to have that, keep looking, its never too late to get married. but kids in today's overpopulated world should not be mandatory. and yes, rocky is a good role model and thats a good motto. my motto in life has recently become "consÃguelo como sea", or get it no matter what. i saw that on an advertisement for pizza móbil in spain. lol
2007-06-05 13:33:37 · answer #9 · answered by lonesome me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Loser? No! Survivor? Yes! It's not easy living in this complicated world. Admitting your short comings and trying to fill it in no matter how long it takes is never an easy task. Not always that a man is measured by what he have and how much is he worth.
Too late comes to those who permanently closes their eyes, fight the good fight of faith.
2007-06-13 07:51:22 · answer #10 · answered by Rein 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋