Travel alone?

Question

My husband will not go anywhere with me unless it only benefits him. I have a funeral to go to tommorrow and its a pretty long drive. He doesn't have to work tommorrow. I asked him if he is going with me and he said no. So apparantly I am going alone. So whats the use to be married if your always alone? He lives me by myself to go fishing and canoeing every weekend. Thats usually the only time we can have together. I just don't understand this. I need someone elses perspective. I don't think hes cheating or anything like that. He says he just hates going places. What would you do?

He used to spend every moment with me. Now he won't do anything for me. He trys to charge me money to work on my car or put a cd player in it. It just breaks my heart how he acts. I wouldn't have married him if I knew he was gonna act like this.

Answer 1

Well, you have to ask yourself is this how I really want to live out the rest of my life?
Sometimes you have to go against the grain in order to find out what is right for you. Good luck to you!!

Answer 2

I have no idea how long you've been married, but it's clear there is a problem. He is not providing you with the balanced relationship you need and deserve. He goes fishing every weekend, but he refuses to go to a funeral with you one time. I know I would not do that to my wife (if I were still married, anyway). He should be respectful enough as a spouse to be there for you, and provide the necessary comfort in a time of mourning. Also, he doesn't "hate going places." He goes fishing and canoeing every weekend. I sense the stinging sound of despair in your writing, and the best thing would be to start communicating about this with him. His behavior will not stop until he's forced to confront it. Good luck.

Answer 3

You're right. What was the point of getting married if you're always alone ? And that's the question you want to ask him.
Don't let this problem continue to exist. Even if it causes arguments, you and he need to resolve this. If you don't address this issue, you and he will barely spend any time together, and communication breaks down or becomes non-existent. You two will grow apart, only to realize in time that you're more like roommates, or strangers, instead of husband and wife.

You also have to communicate with him that you'd like for him to go to the funeral with you, and since he isn't working tomorrow, he can certainly join you. Tell him that you'd like his companionship and emotional support during this sad/difficult time.

The other thing you need to address is the fact that he goes off every weekend, instead of spending it at home with you or doing things with you. Tell him this isn't acceptable. Maybe he can go once a month, but not ever weekend !!

If he claims that he hates going places, why doesn't he hate going fishing and canoeing ? And didn't you and he go to places when you were dating ? What has since changed ?

Does he truly think that he doesn't have to do anything with you, or spend time with you, or go anywhere with you during your entire married lives ? This just isn't realistic; and he needs to rethink everything if his marriage is important to him.

And I just read that he charges you when he does anything for you. That is ridiculous; I've never heard of a person charging their spouse for doing things for them. Absolutely not !!! Refrain from doing anything for him, including sex, until he puts this notion out of his mind.

I'm a strong believer that you can't correct or change what you don't address. This has to be nipped in the bud. In spite of the initial friction discussing this will cause, not discussing this will be more detrimental to your marriage.

Answer 4

Sorry but funerals and weddings are required for spouses. His sorry butt would be there with me if I was you. That is the point in being married. And he doesn't like to go places but fishing and canoeing is ok? That's crap.

Learn to make deals. He goes somewhere with you and you go somewhere with him. Tag along on his fishing and canoeing trip. You might like it. I would. If he doesn't want you to come then he has to go somewhere with you for you to NOT come.....(although I would think that was strange)

Either way let him know how you feel. This is not normal behavior and you two need to talk about it. Before it gets worse and you blow up at him.

The best part about marriage is knowing your best friend is there with you. Good luck.

Answer 5

You had to know before you married him that he was selfish and not interested in sharing life experiences. No one changes or can be changed just because you are married. This is your life unless you decide to opt out. If he is a good man in every other way, then settle in for a lot of time traveling alone and find a way to deal. Good luck.

Answer 6

It is not unusual for men to want more space for themselves or with friends as they get older even though they used to tag along with their wives going everywhere before. But I have to say this guy has gone off the chart. Charging his wife money to work on the car is kind of cuckoo.

Going to the funeral is borderline case. Some middle age people feel funny about deaths. But accompany the wife to a friend's funeral is part of a man's etiquette.

You can't tie being married to having to go everywhere together. People develop different interests. I no longer want to work in the garden but my wife loves to. I play golf and she goes to the gym. She wanted to fly long distance on separate planes because she was parenoid about plane accidents so one of us had to survive.

You can charge him for sex. Or maybe he will charge you, who knows.

Answer 7

Your husband has not learned to compromise....and in a good marriage if you love and respect each other you must learn to compromise.

Tell him how it makes you feel to always do things by yourself. Ask him what does being married mean to him. You may need to get some counseling with or without him to find a what to fix this problem

Answer 8

First of all let me ask you this. Did he used to? Has he always been like this or was he with you as much as possible in the beginning?

How long have you 2 been married? Are you both in a rut? There are a lot of questions to be answered beforehand.

Regarding cheating: Are there any other clues?
Try seriously sitting down with him and having a heart to heart conversation about it.

Answer 9

Tell him, that you need him to go with you. Of course, it is his right to make a decision. However, it is important that you explain him the concept of a compromise. Negotiation is the key! Agree with him to go canoeing next week-end, but the one after do something together of your choice.

Answer 10

Well he's acting like this and you're still married to him. Do you think he is going to change? Probably not. He wants to charge you for working on your car? Charge him for cooking him dinner or doing his wash. He sounds like a real ****** to me.