OK.. so I dated this guy for almost 5 yrs. I loved him to death.. and still have love for him. However, he would not work, always wanted to party and waste money that he wasn't bringing into the household. He did not have a drivers license and was ALWAYS getting into trouble with the law. Also, he would get mad at me and put me down, call me names, and if things got really heated he would hit the walls and break things. I broke it off with him about 9 months ago, and we still talk sometimes. At first he called me crying, begging me to get back with him. I told him that I couldn't, but I would still be his friend. So, now, 9 months down the road, he has kept a GOOD job since I left him, got all his fines paid, got his license reinstated and bought a new car! What I want to know is, why can he do it now, but he would never do it for me?
2007-06-05 13:13:46 · 17 answers · asked by Tina W 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know in some part I allowed him to act the way he did. I tried very hard to cut off money or whatever, and that is when he would get violent. The bottom line is, I should've left him a long time before I did, but you know how first loves go. I tried everything in the book to get him to grow up. He did work, but he would get fired or quit on a whim and take too long to get another one. Anyhow... it just gets at me that he will do what he needs to now, but no matter what I did, or said, he wouldn't do it then?
2007-06-05 13:35:53 · update #1
Please don't beat yourself up over this!
You may have enabled him at times, but your dumping him seems to have been the wake up call he needed. He lost a good woman.
2007-06-05 13:44:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't actually know that he has done anything at all. Can he keep the job, his license, stay out of trouble with the law or keep his bills paid!!! He sounds like someone with esteem issues and those just don't disappear. A man or a woman doesn't resort to putting others down, name calling or hitting. These are people who have extreme issues that just don't disappear overnight. Stay away from him and be thankful.
2007-06-05 13:38:42 · answer #2 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people do not realize what they have until they have it no more...know what I mean?
Besides, it sounds to me like you were a bit of an enabler. You were tolerating his behavior, so he continued to behave that way.
Once you left, he realized that he didn't have a free ride anymore, and realized it was time to grow up.
I say remain friends for now. There is no need to rush into anything.
2007-06-05 13:26:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did not do anything because you allowed him be the way he was. He had no reason to want to accomplish anything, because you give him everything he needed. He had your money, your home, your food, your car and your body anytime he wanted it. That is all a man needs, next time make the man work for you, do not be so easy to give your all to someone who is not your husband.
2007-06-05 13:21:17 · answer #4 · answered by Tina #1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He called you crying because he couldn't find another fool to allow him to act like an disrespectful, immature, lazy jerk.
Maybe, as long as you made it easy for him to act like a creep, he did.
Sometimes making someone stand on their own feet is the kindest most caring thing you can do for them.
2007-06-05 13:22:26 · answer #5 · answered by moonmother2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you were enabling him to not fix his life. You paid for everything and took care of him. Now that your gone, he has had to pull his head out of his butt. Bet you a dollar if you took him back, he would lose his job and everything else. Bottom line, your no good for eachother.
2007-06-05 13:36:35 · answer #6 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because men are dumb! He did it because you left and he didn't have you to take care of him. If you take him back he will probably lose everything he just worked for. Don't give yourself the headache. I can understand where you are coming from because I went through it too. Don't be sad or think he didn't love you enough, he is just dumb! Keep your chin up and smile, be glad you are you!
2007-06-05 13:20:56 · answer #7 · answered by mk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think, too, that you allowed him to be the way he was
however, i think that now that he has realized that he lost a good thing, he is trying to be all he should have been.
this does not mean that he is sincere in his wanting you back.
i would never even think about going back to someone who was so childishly inadequate.
it is good that he realized that he can become a better person. now, YOU need to move on and become a better person...don't enable the next one!
2007-06-05 13:28:54 · answer #8 · answered by uranus2mars 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you were his suga mamma. Obviously he thought everything would be taken care of by you, so he lived any way he wanted...like a rebellious teenager. But reality has set in and he's tried to better himself out of necessity. But I kid you not, if you got back with him, he would eventually return to the old self. He really would.
2007-06-05 13:19:16 · answer #9 · answered by sickblade 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
seems like you were the problem..you were like fuel to the fire..what this is saying to you is that you two are not good for eachother...you allowed him to be lazy..let him go and allow him to be mature and responsible..next time make sure a man has a GOOD JOB not just a job before you get involved
2007-06-05 13:18:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋