After 12 yrs of marriage, I separated from my husband. He had been dishonest and unfaithful for a while but it was the last affair that was the last straw that broke the camel's back. I still don't know how often he had cheated on me but the last affair was confirmed and supported with undeniable evidence.
I started telling my family about us 6 months after our separation. I had intended to keep this to myself as long as possible to hide the truth from his family, for his benefits. However, he has started living in the same area as my family so my family had run into him once or twice. That was why I decided to tell my family about the separation. I didn't think I was obligated to tell them anything since it was my private life.
One comment my mother made that hurt me was I had a poor judgment of character and therefore I picked the wrong guy as my husband. My niece said she believed I was too embarassed to admit that I made a mistake and so waited this long to tell them.
2007-06-05 13:13:40 · 15 answers · asked by Azure 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your life is your life. You don't owe anyone a explanation.
After 12 years with someone, I would say that was pretty long term. If they felt left out of the loop, it is a two way street. They should have been more involved with your life.
2007-06-05 13:49:01 · answer #1 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keeping this from either family was a mistake. When you decide to make a huge life decision such as separating and divorcing, why would you want to hide this from anyone? If family members want to come out of the woodwork now and tell you they believe you made a mistake in marrying, why are you concerned? This is your life, not theirs. Maybe you did and maybe you didn't. It would matter more if they would just be supportive of your change in life and carry forward. Coulda, shoulda doesn't count any longer. Be strong and do what is best for you and don't listen to all the naysayers. You will show them you are a stronger different person.
2007-06-05 14:27:54 · answer #2 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for 20 years, not divorced, but we had a VERY close call about seven years in when my wife had an affair. The BIG mistake was moving away from our extended family just as we were having children. A new mother needs her family as a support network during this time - I am certain her affair would not have happened had she not been isolated from everyone she knew at that time.
2016-05-17 14:53:57 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you so hurt by what people say. It is only an opinion. When they say things to you like this, you tell them your life is private and in no way do you feel obligated to tell anybody what's going on in your home. As far as being a good judge of character, nobody is perfect and tell them thank God your opinions are just that and it really have no bearings in your life. Tell them you made good judgment in marring him, he made bad judgment in cheating on you. And you made an even better judgment call when you sent him packing. Nobody have time for AIDS.
2007-06-09 12:18:58 · answer #4 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of what anyone thinks or says, you know you were the one who was wronged, since your husband cheated on you, not the other way around. Unfortunately, even if it's your private business, people will still ask when they see you apart. You don't have to protect your husband. When people ask why you separated, you can choose whether you want to tell them why, or not. And if you choose to tell them, let them know it's because your husband cheated. And finish by saying that you're doing fine, and have moved on with your life.
2007-06-05 14:04:42 · answer #5 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First hind sight is 20 - 20 If Mom knew this guy was a bad choice why didn't she say so in the beginning?
Tell her to get off her high horse.
Second, your neice is your neice and should keep her mouth shut and her nose out of your business.
You are a grown woman and you have to live with the decisions that you have made. You don't need anyone including Mom giving you more of a hard time...
2007-06-05 14:07:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, stop putting yourself down and letting other people put you down, making mistakes are part of life, hopefully we learn from them and are better at it the next time. It was your husband that cheated not you. You did the honorable thing and left. Its like when we first started having friends, we make numerous mistakes in character and personality, I do not know of anyone that does not have ex-friends. We all make mistakes, some just cost us more than others.
2007-06-05 13:41:30 · answer #7 · answered by oldcorps1947 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my little world I believe marriages fail for one of 3 reasons. 1. the wife makes a mistake. 2. the husband makes a mistake. 3 both of them screw it up.
In your case it is clearly #2. He cheated on you. As long as you did not cheat on him hold your head up high lady. You didn't mess it up, he did. He was a jerk and you can do way better. Now go out there and find you a much cuter richer man! (unless you don't want one, then go on with your bad self, cuz you don't even need a man) :-)
2007-06-05 13:40:48 · answer #8 · answered by ambergail1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now the last thing you need is someone else's criticism. You are having a rought time and need to be selective as of who you spend time with and preferably those are supportive of you people. I feel for you - pity your family does not sound very understanding, but hey, you have friends, right? So spend time with friends and you don't owe anybody an explanation.
2007-06-05 13:31:37 · answer #9 · answered by Alyssa Macey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is going to make up their own story about what happened no matter what you do or don't say. I know it can be uncomfortable but be confident about your decision to marry him and you decision to leave.
A mistake isn't a mistake if you learn from it. What have you learned? What will you do differently next time? That is all that matters.
2007-06-05 14:43:03 · answer #10 · answered by www.stephaniehardwick.com 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋