Porns in marriage?!?

Question

I'm newly married wife and I realized that my hubby does need porns no matter how much I hate them. We had gone lots arguments over those and still he hides some(my guess) and I do know that he still goes to those sites and watch them whenever I'm not around when he is using computer. I don't know why I start to hate porns but recently I found and destroyed some of his self made porns with his exs and I almost puked. Really in terms of sex esp in those videos that he made, he is totally another person. And sometimes when we have sex, I can feel that I'm not the one who turned him on and I do see him fantasizing others. Probably he was watching porn or such and he gets horny so he wanna sex with me. sigh.. I did try wearing sexy clothes and everything and of course he enjoys but at the same time, my mind recalls those videos and pictures that he took with his exs and then I feel **** and so low. What am I supposed to do? I hate him watching porns but also I hate to see him not vigor.

Answer 1

My grandmother and my mom both dealt with this same issue. My mom told her husband that she didn't approve of porn but he would secretly watch it and look at tons of it on the internet. I caught him a few times and made sure I told her. It just broke her heart and no matter how many times she argued with him, sat down and told him exactly how she felt, he just would not stop. It was like he was addicted. I personally do not feel that a healthy marriage needs porn in it, and my husband knows exactly where I stand on the matter. I can tell its tearing you up that he does this and I know exactly how you feel. I saw what it did to my mom everyday. I would highly suggest marriage counseling and also, your husband may be addicted to it. If he refuses to go to marriage counseling, you need to ask him what is more important: Porn or your marriage. If he says he can't go without the porn, then you dont need him. He isn't going to respect your wishes and he's going to continue to lie and hide it and keep watching/looking at it behind your back. You deserve better than this.

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

Men are VISUAL creatures. They could look at a tube of red lipstick and get turned on. This is why all women envy the sex drive that men have. We have to be stimulated emotionally, physically, and mentally to get things going.

No crime in either way, that is just how we are designed. I say we got the easy end of the deal...we do not have to work very hard at all to get a guy "in the mood" -- at least not in most cases any way.

But as far as your guy and his porn addiction...a little naughty movie every now and then never hurts, providing it is something that does NOT contain children or something along those lines.

BUT...if it is getting in the way of every day life, then it is a different story. Maybe he needs to seek some help. Or maybe you need to step up your game a bit!

Most of all, be thankful for what you do have...there are many women in the world who struggle every day with a man who has ZIP for interest in sex.

Stop worrying about him fantasizing about some one else. You are worried that his mind is not "in the moment", yet you are obsessing about who he might be thinking about...sounds to me like you are not really "there" either.

Stop stressing, and just go with the flow....

Answer 4

If your married ex's should be a thing of the past without a doubt especially pics and movies of them. Porn shouldnt be a major factor I mean I rather him watch then go out and try to get with another woman. Just let him know how you feel or go to a sex therapist

Answer 5

Watching porn is ok in my book. My hubby and I watch it together and I find it a turn on BUT if my hubby looked at stuff with his ex's in it, I would give him the boot. I wouldn't even want him to have clothed pics of exs. Maybe you should get some male porn and lie to him and tell him its one of your ex's. Let him find it, then see how he reacts. Of course that will only work if you get a pic of a naked guy by himself and your hubby doesn't know all your exs. Well sorry I can't be much more help.

Answer 6

Get rid of all the porn that he made with his ex's. Then make some of you and him. Men are visual creatures. There is nothing wrong with porn as long as you reap the benefits. If he doesn't come to you and takes matters into his own hands then I would worry. If that's not the case think of porn like a sex toy or something to enhance your sex life.

Answer 7

Porn, drugs, alcohol, and adultery are all things satan uses to destroy marriages. PRAY!!! He is in a web of confusion about true happiness in a REAL marriage - where two people enjoy their spouse enough to want them without such filth. Porn is unreal and degrading to women - he needs to see this. Hang in there as long as you can to try and work it out. So if the day comes that you can't take it anymore - then you'll know you did your best to hold your marriage together. It took me 4 years to work through our marriage issue, and now we are very happy together.

Answer 8

well, i don't know why he kept the porns of his exes...that would be a huge turn off to me, too
however, i think that his viewing porn is not going out and actually cheating with another...
my ex used porn all the time...tried to get me to like it and i just couldn't get into the male thing...porn movies are made with men in mind...and we women need to remember that men have a very hard time trying to find ways to keep their manliness...us women always have our feminity, men don't always have their manliness, though.
if he is getting older, he probably needs the extra stimulus just to get an erection, sadly
he is probably the type to never admit to it, though...
try taking the initiative, there is something about you that made him want to spend the rest of his life with you...find out what it was and use it!
and ask him why he kept the movies and pictures of the exes...my guess is that they remind him of the days when he didn't have an erectile problem.

Answer 9

Porn is a bad idea in a relationship, He is addicted, if he says he is not, don't let him see anything or even go on the computer for like a month, put a password on and burn all the porn stuff he got. See if he's addicted or not then.

Answer 10

Porn is a designer drug. Period. And men can get hooked on it like a drug. I'm a man and I KNOW what effect it has on the male mind!

I feel sorry for you. I don't know what you can do about it......if he knows your feelings and he won't try to quit, you do not have a marriage. End of story.

Maybe you should let him know that - you married HIM, not his porn collection?

Try!! But be aware that porn is nearly impossible to kick once you're hooked on it.