I have an ex-boyfriend that is willing to have a baby with me, should I go along with it?

Question

We broke up a month ago, he called it off and we were very committed until he decided to date other women we supposedly stayed as friends. And he knew I wanted to conceive a child. I'm 29. And since the break up I made a choice of being a single mom and I told him I am going to start looking for a sperm donor, and he didn't like the idea. He said he is willing to give me a baby. I find this odd. He said he knows I will be a good mother to the child and he has no problem with donating his sperm. I really need plenty of opinions. I will greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

By the way. I still have feelings for this man and he knows it.

Answer 1

This could have a lot of complications attached to it especially if you still have feelings for him. Will you be expecting him to pay child support? As well as all the emotional issues. I don't know how good of an idea this is. If you really want to have a baby with him and know all this. As long as you are going into it with your eyes wide open I suppose it could be fine.

Answer 2

This is just my opinion but I don't think you should have a baby just b/c you think you're getting old or just b/c YOU want one. If you really love your future children, you would want to give them the best life possible and though you may make a wonderful mother, your child will want a father too. Don't take that away from him or her by willingly bringing them into something that's not complete. A baby should be made of two people's love for each other, not because one wanted to be a parent. Believe me, from experience, that purposely bringing someone into a world where they only have one parent may fulfill a need in you now, in the long run, you are going to feel really guilty. Take the time to get over this loser, find a new love, get to know him and have a baby as a representation of your love for each other. It is so so worth it and your baby deserves it. Your child will resent you later in life for having him or her just to suit your own needs. Though a maternal instinct is present in you, to bring a child now into an unstable environment is selfish. Your child deserves better. 29 is not old. If you focus now, you could be married and trying for a baby by say 31. Its not worth the rush, you still have so much time ahead of you. Being pregnant should be a glorious and happy time, not a time of turmoil and being alone and having "some guy" as a sperm donor. PLEASE! It really really sucks growing up without a dad. It affects you for the rest of your life and makes it soooo hard to have real relationships and connections with people.

Answer 3

Why did you break up with him, rather, why did he break up with you? If you said that you want to have a baby and remain a single mom, is your decision final? Are you willing to make sacrifices for the baby? Do you know what having a child as a single parent entails? It is a big responsibility and you will be giving up a lot in your life for the sake of a child.

If you believe you are very matured and very responsible and willing to raise a child by yourself, then, go ahead with your decision. Your ex-boyfriend is willing to be your sperm donor. It isn't like you don't know the person that you will have doubts as to his character. You love him, at least, it will be a child that is loved and wanted. Who knows everything will turn out right for you both, having a baby will pave the way to getting back together?

Answer 4

if you still have feelings for him then i wld say that you should not have a child with him. this will only complicate things since you guys are not together. how will you feel when you are nine months pregnant and he is out on a date with another woman. How will you feel in a couple of years when he falls in love with another woman, marries her and has children with her. Right after a breakup is not the best time to even make a decision like this. You are probably too emotional. Give yourself 3 - 6 months. You are 29 and there is no real rush unless you are going through early menopause. women have a decline in fertility at 28, the next decline is at 35 so you have time. Don't give up on love yet. My husband and I started dating when I was 30 and we were married right before my 32nd birthday. At 29 I had serious turning 30 blues so I understand what your going through. don't give up hope on love yet. heal from your broken heart. if you still want to have a child after that then look for a donor or a trusted friend, preferrably someone you were not involved with.

Answer 5

He will be stuck for child support no matter what agreement you might sign (state law supercedes personal contracts). I totally understand your situation, but you have to consider that your desire to have a child as a single mom isn't in the child's best interests. Dad should be involved. If he is ok with that, then maybe go forward with that. But, he must know that if you go on welfare for any reason, the state will hit him up for child support even if you don't.

Also, ask him how he would feel if you later married another guy and wanted him to adopt your son? This is another issue that may rear its ugly head. On the plus side, you know this guy and ultimately, it is better for the child to at least know who his/her father is. You wouldn't get that from a random donor.

Answer 6

You are setting yourself up for a big fall. You need to really rethink this situation. You're young and you have plenty of time to have a baby, and you deserve a willing participant who cares enough to be a husband. I know you want to be a single mom, but why add such a hardship to your life? It's so much better and easier to have someone share the responsibility of a child. Trust me---please, please don't even consider this, especially with an ex-boyfriend who wanted to see other women.

Answer 7

First thing first. Will he be in the picture and will he be a good father? I know you say you will be a single mother, but with you two having a background together, do you think you will expect him to be in the baby's life? I am kinda in the same boat as you. I am pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend and I planned the baby and we do not plan on getting married anytime soon. I know he will be a good father regardless what happens to us. You know what you want to do because you can feel it in your gut. I think you two should sit down and talk about it some more. For instance, child support, father's name on the birth cert, what his family would think and yours. What ever way you choose to go, I wish you luck in the future.

Answer 8

You're an adult and if you want to do it, do it. But realize that this baby would probably benefit from having a mom and a dad, however there are a lot of really good single moms. Make sure that you have a lawyer so that he can never come find you for visitation or custody.

Answer 9

Lord have mercy, another disaster in concoction.

Please, once you do have kids and after you realize he is the moron you thought. Don't come and tell us "I am a single mom and nobody want to date me, snif".

You don't need to be a pilot to know that you don't land a helicopter on a rooftop with an earthquake going on. You don't have a baby in a shaky relationship either. Your feelings will be gone in a couple years, unless you lied in your description, let me tell you the dude will too, but the baby will be here and pay every cent of it, and then grow up to be a dad who abandons his wife, cause that all he knows.

Answer 10

You should definately go for it your biological clock is ticking and his is not. Us females age quick theres a saying that goes like this ' If you wanna be alone you will be left alone' Which sadly means that a guy can always start a family at any age, but once your time passes you'll be alone with no hope of children. So go for it A.S.A.P. while you still have an option. Good luck!!!!