Ex best friends Mom passed do I get in contact?

Question

My best friend and I started a business together, things got ugly, she brought in her sisters and one of them stole a couple of thousand dollars. They blamed me, she believed them and voted me out of the company. That was one year ago. My life has been terrible, since. I've been out of work and am losing my house. Her Mom passed away, a day ago. I want to reach out to her, but she thinks I'm a theif and a liar, and she screwed up my life. I'm really worried about her, because she lost a daughter 10 years ago and her Grandma a couple of years ago, and this is going to be a terrible blow. HELP.

Answer 1

of couse if you ever liked or respected you frinds mom you should contact her send flowers or money if your not comfortable going to the funeral...
The loss of a loved one should be more than a falling out between friends

something vaugely similar to this happened to me...

Answer 2

It sounds like you went through a lot of hard times as can sometimes happen when friends and family go into business together. That being said, if she ever was a true friend, life and death should be able to reach beyond those challenges. Reaching out to her might make you feel better regardless of whether or not she accepts it in the spirit in which you intend. And no matter what, I'm sure it would just be nice to know someone still cares. The truth has a way of washing out eventually, and you want her to remember the things you did to try to be her friend whether or not she can accept this now. And for yourself, stay strong and open yourself to the possibility that these hard times are just a doorway to better ones.

Answer 3

No question, you should send her a card and/or email.. It is better to send something in writing than call anyway - even under the best of circumstances of your relationship. Let the grieving family take condolences on their own terms.

You might consider sending a message that you are available if she would like to talk. BUT, YOU need to decide if you are prepared for and want to do that. .It should go without saying, that this is NOT the time to discuss your past unfortunate business situation. You can't make this better for her right now and neither can anybody else. This is a long healing process. Letting her know you care about and are thinking of her is enough for now. (I am wondering WHY you care, in view of the fact she believes you to be a thief).

Keep in mind she may not be able to respond at this time and it may not be anything personal (or it may). Her sisters may take exception to your getting in touch and you need to respect that, at this time. Of course, you know not to force yourself into their lives.

Make sure you accept the fact that you may no longer be friends and are not making this situation an entree to a confrontation with her and/or her sisters regarding business matters. If your friendship is over - it's over. You may need to consider she is NOT a friend any longer, but, it still is the civilized thing to do - sending your sympathy in writing.

What her response is - well, that is up to her.

Answer 4

I think it's okay to reach out to her, whether it's a card or flowers or whatever. Just be honest - say something like you can't imagine what she's going through, you're sorry for her loss, whatever. No matter what, she'll be appreciative. Just don't mention anything about the past at this juncture - give her time to heal.

Even if she still remains mad at you and the two of you never speak again, at least you'll always know that #1 - you reached out, and #2 - you'll never have to wonder if she's also mad that you never contacted her when her mother died.

Answer 5

Don't reach out to be close. Reach out just to say, short and simple, 'I'm so sorry you lost your mom. Please know I'm thinking about you and your family at this sad time. God bless.' or something simlar. Don't expect to hear back. Don't call.
There's only one thing that happened - her mother passed and that is all she can deal with. Knowing that people contact her to express sympathy is all she needs, not opportunities to reconsider or reconnect. It's kind of like heaping more emotional turmoil onto a situation that is already stressful.
But a short message of sympathy in a card means you understand her pain and you sympathize.

Answer 6

send flowers and a card at least. If she wrongfully thinks your a ***** now, at least she can think of you as a nice *****. Besides, she probably needs someone right now, and a former friend is fine. At the very least, send flowers and a card saying "Let me know if I can do anything". Also, bake her a casserole or something, because with all thats happened, I'm sure the last thing she's thinking about is food!

Answer 7

I really can't agree with the other answers so far...

If she still thinks you're a thief and a liar... hearing from you will certainly not comfort her.

Also... Forgiving is great... but she hasn't asked you to forgive her... God himself turns away from those who cross him until they ask for forgiveness. Anything else is called being a sucker for punishment. Casting your pearls before swine... Allowing your "friend" to treat you in this manner without consequences will not help her grow in the long run and will leave you open to further abuse when you ought to know better. You don't owe anybody that.

You're still suffering from her unjust treatment and she's still slandering you around town. Being a good person is one thing... Being a fool is another...

Screw me once... Shame on you...
Screw me twice... Shame on me...

Sounds like maybe you miss your friend and you're looking for an excuse to try and go back to the way things were. Unfortunately, you simply can't be friends with just anybody... it's a two-way street... It's not noble to support those who do evil. It's not smart to expose yourself to those who do evil against you.

Answer 8

It doesn't really matter what happened in the past. She is greiving right now, normally when people go through a loss they need as much support as possible. Chances are, she needs you.. you should absolutely contact her, ask her if there is anything you can do, and offer to come and console her. She will either take the gesture or not, but if not - atleast you tried.

Answer 9

I thought contacting my ex-boyfriend when his mom passed away was risky because it was an abusive relationship. I bit the bullet and called and I'm so glad i did. Not only did I reconnect with some old friends, but he and I finally had closure. According to our friends and his family, I was "the one who got away". I went and even introduced him to my husband and kids. It was good for all of us. Bury the past, she may need you now more than ever.

Answer 10

I say yes get in contact with her, even if it is only a card with some kind words in it - you used to be best friends after all and would have known her mother so it is only right in my book. This doesn't mean you are forgiving her for what has been done to you, it just means that you are expressing your sympathy that her mum has passed.

Answer 11

I think that most people would say NO you shouldn't contact her.
I say go with your heart.....treat others how you want to be treated.
If you were in the same situation would you want her support? That's the question you need to ask yourself. If the answer is yes....then you know what to do. If the answer is no then just mail her an empathy card to express your condolences.