Most of the time I am a secure, well adjusted person. I have been married 20+ years. But sometimes I find myself depending on him for my happiness. If he is in a bad mood, I want to find out why, and I feed off his bad mood and get depressed myself, because he is so distracted. If he is not paying enough attention to me, doesn't call, fails to notice something nice I've done, I start feeling insecure again, doubting his love etc. Then I will go for a spell and feel fine, but it all seems to be in his reaction to me. How can I break out of this cycle and be more secure?
2007-06-05 10:28:21 · 18 answers · asked by casey308 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should be proud of the work you have done. Being married is difficult, and staying married for 20 years proves that you have the ability to work hard and to do what you need to take care of your marriage and yourself. It sounds like you might need a little more fun, however. Consider joining a book group, or a movie club, where your opinion will be interesting to some one outside your house. Having something going on that is independent of your husband will make you more interesting to him, and to yourself.
try arranging for some fun with your husband as well, like a regular friday night date night. You are going through some changes, but you will be fine, clearly you are doing something very right!!!
2007-06-05 10:38:38 · answer #1 · answered by mliz55 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start looking into things that make you happy outside of your relationship. I think relationships are extremely important but they are not the be all end all of who you are. Remember that you are important and you are not the reason he feels a certain way. I get stuck in this same thing deal but then I have to remember that it probably has nothing to do with me and I just allow time for the mood to pass. Understand that you can't control or change how someone feels and that he may not act towards you exactly the way you act towards him. That does not mean he doesn't love you. It just means that maybe you are focusing on minute things when you are missing that he has been there for 20+ years and you are still happy together. Breathe and let it go...
2007-06-05 10:37:54 · answer #2 · answered by Diva 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest getting a job if you are not working. maybe even taking a class. How about spending more time with friends and/or relatives. Well I think the important thing is not to take his bad mood as personal. Be understanding but DONT take his problem as your own. Most of all remind yourself everyday that you are wonderful and deserve the best...and sometimes only you can give yourself the best. Dont expect anyone to make you happy. YOU are responsible for your own happiness. Take care and good luck.
2007-06-05 10:41:18 · answer #3 · answered by priceless_beauty69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom went through this.
Her solution was to get involved in something that interested her. She always wanted to learn how to quilt. She took classes, and learned. In the process, she met new people. Now she has new friends, and Dad sees that she is a happy person regardless of his mood.
Result: Dad treats mom much better. Mom has outside interest and friends. Life's good.
My advice: get involved in something else that takes you out of the home... something that brings you in contact with other people... Take a class at a community college, take lessons of some kind, join an exercise class, or volunteer and help others (it's the best way to look at things in perspective).
God Bless!
2007-06-05 10:40:33 · answer #4 · answered by Mel W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We all react to things around us. I think we condition ourselves to act or be a certain way but what our spouses say and do. It has to come from you, you have to decide what you feel and how you're going to act around hubby when he's down. I have always said '' it's not what others do to you or around you.....it's what you do with the situation" meaning, if someone pisses you off, you have a choice, to either let it bother you or smile and go on. What I suggest is always reason things out to a positive. Put a positive spin on any not so good things that happen. Put it into practice every day and see it that changes your ups and downs. Good Luck
2007-06-05 10:37:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You expect too much back. Marriage is about pleasing your spouse no matter what the response. If you're complaining to him that's not good. Men just block you out when you nag and complain.
Men need to veg out once in a while, let him, it has nothing to do with you. Men don't talk when something is wrong, let him work it out on his own (if it's not about you).
He's been with you for 20 years, have a little bit more faith, and find some hobbies!!
2007-06-05 12:39:03 · answer #6 · answered by jonesk_92656 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First Say your name out loud. Say "My name is.... I am proud of myself. These are my strengths. This is my only weakness, to be affected by my husband. I am going to use my strengths to fix this small weakness. I will spend more time admiring and loving myself because I deserve it. Again these are my strengths. Now I will put an end to this problem forever. I will accomplish and enjoy the rest of my life with a big smile because "MY NAME IS..."
ONLY YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF. NOBODY CAN.
WALK STRAIGHT WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH LADY. PAT YOUR BACK. YES, YOU ARE STRONG AND ADMIRED.
2007-06-05 11:05:11 · answer #7 · answered by A R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am the same way........ I find that if I just go out and do something with my friends, not tell him, and not call, then come home all aglow, dressed up, make-up done......I get a ton of attention when I get home!!! He wants to know where I've been, what I did, who I was with......... and I can give him a hard time about it :P
2007-06-05 10:32:50 · answer #8 · answered by vega_five 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Learn to make your own happiness. Nobody can make you happy, sad, mad, or anything else...but you. When you choose to be happy, you'll be happy. It's normal to be concerned when someone we care about is blue or angry, but there's no reason for you to become that way too...and it's no support to them.
Learn to love you...care about you...and know that you'll be a better partner when you don't depend on others to supply your moods to you.
2007-06-05 10:32:46 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've put all your eggs in one small basket! Try reinforcing your ego with other applause. Volunteer work will do wonders for your feelings of self worth. You'll also be forced to forget about yourself for awhile. Great!
2007-06-10 10:49:55 · answer #10 · answered by woodchucker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋