trust & jealousy issues. can it be fixed?

Question

I am married to a wonderful man and we have a 3 year old daughter.
But the thing is I have really big trust & jealousy issues. So much that I feel it's come close to ruining our marriage.
I know he's a good man and has never given me reason to think he would cheat on me or otherwise.
but I feel in my heart that I'm just lying to myself.
the way I think is that ppl can keep secrets so what if everything he does is just a lie?
is there a way to get over this?
suggestions would be greatly appreciated :)

Answer 1

I'm sensing from what you are saying that you feel like your man is too good to be true. You have to realize that nice guys do exist and that if you have been hurt in your past by other men that this guy is different. I think you should look into some counselling either as a couple or just yourself.

It sounds to me that you do not trust your judgement of your husband. Follow your heart that is how you will overcome these lies you maybe feeling. Talk to God and find a place of peace within him praying will do wonders in any relationship and maybe that is something you need to consider.

If you think he has secrets sit down and talk as a couple. One of the most damaging practices in marriage is to make assumptions about your mate that are untrue or to blame them for something they didn't do. Communication is key in marriage and until you talk to your husband and clear the air in your relationship nothing will change for the better.

I feel that the way you write you are saying your scared of losing him because he is such a great guy. I will tell you if you continue to mistrust and become jealous it is only a matter of time before he says he cant handle it anymore.

Please seek some professional help and just trust this man of yours.

God Bless and Best Wishes.

Answer 2

Yes, but it's not easy.

First you have to realize the jealousy stems from your own insecurity about the relationship. Your fear of loss.

Once you get that out in the open, it's easier to deal with. While you are still blaming the object of jealousy or the threat, you are in denial as to the real reason for it.

I am certain you aren't polyamorous, but it's an issue they have to deal with all the time, so they have developed a number of online resources, articles, and the like to help deal with jealousy. These may help you. Below is a link to the definition, and searching the web for polyamory and jealousy should get you to some of the resources.

Needless to say a counselor is also a good resource, but that does cost money. If the jealousy is threatening the relationship, then I do recommend couples counseling.

Answer 3

Your jealousy and insecurity issues are completely separate from your girlfriends loose sexuality. Let's begin with her. Any girl that is her age and has slept with over a dozen boys is very insecure herself and is perhaps confusing sex with her need for attention and a feeling of being loved. She goes from one guy to the next because she is not getting what she wants from them after giving "it" up. It is just a matter of time before she moves onto another guy. To be in public and allow a teacher to sexually fondle her is a desperate act. Consider your relationship with this girl just temporary one because she has no idea what she wants. You need to gain some self esteem because if you don't then you are in for a horrible relationship with all the girlfriends you'll have. Trust and jealousy issues usually arise from abandonment issues from childhood experiences. Does that ring a bell? Once you deal with those demons, then the jealousy will disappear, you'll see.

Answer 4

Two things have happened in your life. 1) he has lied to you before or 2) you were cheated on before him or have been surrounded by cheaters.

It's hard for some women to trust their husbands or boyfriends. With all the cheating thats going on now in days, its hard to trust. Lying to yourself???? Why do you think that? Has he ever lied to you about where he is? Who he's with? Where he was going? Has he ever not come home? Have you ever found another women's number in his phone, on him, or in his car? These are all things that would lead up to these trust issues. If you can answer yes to anyone, then chances are that you won't be able to get over your trust issues because he has ruined that.

Also, you could've put on a couple of pounds since you two have been together. That's normal, but if you are feeling a little insecure, then maybe you need to do something about it. For me, I used to accuse my bf left and right, just cause I was insecure. But as soon as I lost weight, the accusing stopped. If you are not happy with yourself, you won't be happy.

Answer 5

If he is not giving you reason to think he is cheating---then he probably is not cheating. Is there a suspicion, trust, jealousy issue within yourself? If you have a good man, and you REALLY dont think he is cheating--dont ruin your marriage with something you think might happen---dont accuse a good man unless he deserves it. If he is cheating, there will be signs he is doing so. Is he......

not coming home at night? flirt ing and lusting after women?
not having sex with you? on the computer a lot? unexplained absents? using cell phone more and being secret about his calls? lying to you? These are some good signs your husband may be cheating.

Maybe you have some issues within yourself and something in your past ---you need to work thru in your mind. Get the help of a counselor.

Answer 6

Senorita,

I know exactly where you are coming from. You know you have a lot to lose and so you are insecure about the relationship. Relationships are all risky, married or not. I was very insecure and I accused my husband year after year, not trusting him. Eventually, he got so sick of it he cheated on me and we are now going through a divorce. I have learned through almost a year of counseling that the issues in our marriage were ones I created myself. Your insecurities are all things you can control if you know what triggers them inside of you. Talk to a psychologist and don't be afraid to ask for help. If you love your husband and he is a good man, it will be worth it for your family, but most of all for you.

Answer 7

Look, if you know your husband is a good man (like you said) then why bother thinking negative towards him? So what if people keep secrets, he's not one of them, so don't make him out to be that. It sounds like you've been through some bad times in the past & your still holding on to them. So, if you don't want your marriage to fall apart from this, then you need to start making some changes with yourself, no one can change you but YOU. We all go through bad times in life, we all meet & get involved with people who end up hurting us or betraying us. The point is......that's in the past now. You need to get over it & MOVE ON, otherwise you will never be able to move forward. And that's what you always want to do in life....is to MOVE FORWARD. Leave the past....in the past. Only remind yourself of them as LEARNING LESSONS.

Answer 8

You said in your question that "He has never given you a reason to think he would cheat on you". If this is the case, why are you making your insecurities his issue? It is obvious that your feelings stem from a previous relationship, or you are having feelings of leaving the relationship. Be honest with yourself. Is it you that is unhappy with the relationship and are looking for a way out? or is it, that you have a trust issue with him that you are afraid to confront?

Answer 9

You said this, "I know he's a good man and has never given me reason to think he would cheat on me or otherwise."

Deep down you probably feel that you don't deserve what you have. Have you tried counseling? Yes, it can be fixed. It is something you need to work on.

Edited to add: Wow, Radagast97 said it better than I did.

Answer 10

Thats kind of hard. I married young and felt the way you do. Years after I came to realize that my husband was cheating on me. Although, he never gave me any signs I only had that gut feeling and mistrust. I am not trying to say your husband is cheating but be carefull. Try to be more open with him and tell him to help you change the way you are, specially if he is being good to you. If you think something is up then keep you eyes open and sit down to talk. Although, if something is up honestly you will get hurt and sometimes is best not to know.